Here’s my story

Sorry in advance, it’s a long one.

I’ve known I’m gay for at least the last 15 years and I’m perfectly comfortable with who I am but was stuck in a rut of living the single and happy by day and out and proud by night life.

I’d met a gorgeous girl and we’d been going out together for a couple of months when she got her active service notification (she’s in the TA) and was due to leave the country the first week in October.

I wanted to take her out with my work colleagues to a gig that we both wanted to see, only one slight problem; I wasn’t out in work, for that matter I wasn’t out to anyone, I decided a long time ago that I didn’t see why I had to but told myself that I would be honest if asked (when it becomes law that everyone must stand atop their nearest tall building and pronounce their sexuality to the world, regardless of their orientation, I’ll be right there, in the queue cheering all the hetro’s on before my turn).

My girlfriend and I discussed it and she was perfectly willing to go to the gig and act as if we were just friends, but that didn’t sit comfortably for me, I’d been building up to telling some people in work for ages but at the last minute always bottled out. So my girlfriend and I come up with a soft out plan, where I wouldn’t have to tell if I didn’t want to, but some not so subtle hints were dropped in their laps, All incoming post is opened in our office unless it’s marked private and confidential so a couple of days later I got a soppy card from my girlfriend, which was opened and apparently passed around a few members of staff before it found it’s way to my in tray. A week later a lesbian pride ring and a lighter that said “nobody knows I’m a lesbian” on it which I just filled with petrol and left with my ciggies on my desk. The lighter worked wonders; people noticed it and if they choose to ask I told the truth, even told them about my girlfriend they were all great about it, if they choose not to ask that was their choice too but at least they had an inkling.

My line manager was one of the people who had noticed it but hadn’t commented (she didn’t want to incase it was a joke and I was offended) and at the time I’d been having some personal problems (namely that I was sick of lying about what I’d done at the weekend, living the double life etc.) that had started to affect my work and we were having one 2 one’s every week to deal with it and every week she’s ask if there was anything I wanted to talk about and I’d say no everything’s fine, so I’d managed to get hold of her personal email address, and wrote her a letter explaining everything, (I could feel the proverbial weight lifting with each word I wrote) sent it and left her to get back to me when she was ready. The next week she thanked me for trusting her enough to tell her and that my attitude towards my work had improved a lot and I seemed happier in myself and she didn’t think we needed to meet every week anymore.

The date of the gig and my GF’s impending deployment were fast approaching and the week before she decided that she needed to focus on her deployment and didn’t want to be distracted by trying to keep a long distance relationship and we split up. I was torn to bits but it was so good to be able to talk to people about it, I don’t know how bad it would have been if I’d still been hiding in the wardrobe so to speak.

At home, my brother’s seen the lighter and has taken a what ever makes you happy attitude and even teased about girlfriends. I’m sure my parents know, but I’m standing by my “ask and the truth shall be found” method as I don’t really think my sex life has anything to do with them, but we all have face book accounts and if they ever looked at the groups etc that I either support or am a member of they’d have a pretty good idea and that goes for my friends too.

That’s my story and again I apologize for it being so long.