So I told my mom tonight. We were in the car. She was droping me off at my friend's apt so I could go out to bars in Wash. DC. I just realized that I really wanted to tell her. My only sibling already knew and I was pretty sure she would be ok w/ it. So i just told her. It went really well. Almost too well. She said that she didn't have a problem with it. and that she was only sad b/c she knew it would make my life harder and that homophobia was still a problem and it made her sad that i was giving up the "white picket fence" and having kids and all that. That just leaves my father. He's never said anything to make me think that he is homophobic or anything. But, he's an ex-marine. And he still saves his Maxim magazines and gives them to me when I go back to my parent's house (i moved out 2 years ago). So I'm really scared about how he'll take it. I also feel pretty guilty for telling my mom. She was really supportive and wants to know "what i want to do about dad." (When to tell him and all that). She thinks I should tell him before i got back @ the end of christmas break, but idk. I know she won't say anything until I get back to her. Being gay isn't a big deal for me anymore. It's who I am and I've accepted it. Even if there were a magic pill i could take to turn me straight, I don't think I would take it. But, I know it's a big deal for her. And until I tell my dad I'm asking her to keep this huge secret from the man she loves. idk it just makes me feel really guilty. Part of me worries that she hasn't really processed it. I've come out to about 12 people now and everyone has taken it really well. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop you know. And I bet that shoe will be the steel toed boot of my father. anyway...any support or especially advice would be awesome. idk what to do about dad. Those of you that have told your dad's. How did they react? any advice about how to proceed? I'm sorry for the wall of text. tonight was a really big night for me and i'm not sure what to make of it. I'm almost scared to wake up tomorrow b/c i'll have to deal w/ the fallout of all this.
Congrats on telling your mom! I told my mum, and asked her to tell my dad. I was in my room, so i don't know what she said, but she came back and said they both don't care. I think it was better telling both at the same time, so they can deal with it together. Since your dad was a marine, that might not go so well, but you'll never know until you try, everyone reacts differently. You have the benefit of not living there, so your dad can have all the time he needs to process it. I think you should ask you mom to tell him, and act as a mediator for you. Keep in mind, however he reacts (and your mom after she processes it) that you've been living with this for years, this is probably the first they know about it, so they'll need time to get used to it.
thanks saguy. so i thought i was at least mostly ok w/ all this. telling my mom, and being gay, and alone and everything. but i guess i'm not b/c it's 445am and i've spent the last hour sobbing. i'm just so lonely. i want a boyfriend. i know that sounds pathetic, and it' probably is, but that's what i want. i want somebody to love me. i want to live in a world where it's not a big deal that i'm gay, where i don't need to contemplate going to a support group just to meet guys. where i'm not stuck in this US southern town hell. anyway, i'm not expecting some kind of infinite wisdom or anything. but it's 5am and there's nobody else i can say this to.
Congrats on telling your mom! That a big step. I am considering telling my parents and I'm 40. Consider writing a letter to you dad. That way you can say to him everything you want without interruption. That what I plan to do. Also it will give him time to absorb it all. Good luck! It will work its way out.
Congrats, it's a very weird feeling coming out to somebody about sexuality. I first came out to my mother in the 7th grade, I told her I was confused and I thought there was something wrong with me because I was attracted to girls and boys. She told me she went through the same thing when she was my age and as I cried in her arms she told me I might grow out of it or I might not but no matter how I decide to live my life she would stick by me and support me. A few years later at the age of 16 when I had lost my virginity (with a boy) I decided I had to get it off my chest and tell my Step-mother while we were both alone on a 4 hour road trip. She was a little disappointed, I figured since I got that off my chest I would tell her I was bisexual, she said "are you sure?" like I don't know my own sexuality, yes I was sure I liked girls, and then she asked me if I just thought girls were pretty or if I thought of them suxually and I said sexually and she seemed a little grossed out, she said "that's discusting!" She then asked me if I wanted her to tell my father, I told her I don't care what she tells him, as long as I don't have to do it... Well a few weeks later my father has "the talk" with me about boys and sex and stuff. He did not however mention anything about my sexuality or anything and to this day i still have no idea if he knows how I feel about girls. Well I am not ashamed, and if he or anyone confronts me and asks me about my sexuality I would gladly tell them the truth. I am happy for you that you came out, good for you, now hopefully you will feel better that you don't need to hide it from your parents.
Outstanding! I know its hard to deal with...I cried alot at first myself. Its been several days now...how are things going?
Things are going ok I guess. I'm still lonely. I think the reason I was so upset that night (see above post on Dec 27) was more out of loneliness than anything else. I had gone out for dinner and drinks w/ a bunch of friends. Some of them knew already and some of them didn't. I didn't really "come out" in a speech or anything. But, i think those that didn't know caught on pretty fast as conversations came and went. I acted like it wasn't a big deal, like it was hardly surprising, and that's how everybody else reacted too. So all in all it was a good night, until I got home and got lonely. Anyway. Since then I've told my dad. (see other thread for results, or lack there of). I tried to swing by the LGBT center at school the other day but it was closed until the undergrads get back. I think I might go w/ some friends to the gay friendly bar in town next weekend or maybe the weekend after. It's the only one within 50miles and the pics don't look that impressive, but I figure it's worth a shot. It's not like i have any other options anyway.
