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Not totally out but this is my story...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by KelliGrrl, Sep 18, 2015.

  1. KelliGrrl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2015
    Messages:
    3
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    Location:
    New York City
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I grew up in a very blue collar socially conservative union family in Queens. For the most part I had a typical American upbringing. My Dad was a mechanic and my Mom was a housewife. I have a younger brother. We used to fight like cats and dogs when we were little.

    I distinctly remember having crushes on other girls as young as 5 but I always thought it was normal and a phase that I'd grow out of. In jr high and HS, my girlfriends would talk about boys all the time and I just didn't understand why I didn't share their enthusiasm and get all giddy about that "cute guy" on the track team or whatever. I tried to force myself to date boys but it never went anywhere and I got a reputation as a "tease". By the time I was a sophomore I knew that I was gay but I was terrified to tell anyone. I had no friends in the LGBT community and felt so alone. At one point I contemplated suicide and told my parish priest in confession about my feelings. He talked me out of it bless his soul.

    If my dad would have discovered my sexual orientation he would have disowned me I'm sure of it. So I kept tight lipped about it all through high school, although I started to raise eyebrows when my parents saw all my girlfriends dating boys and I never dated anyone. The rumors definitely flew around school. You know how mean HS kids can be.

    Of course my dad, being the shotgun wielding protective father didn't seem to mind that he didn't have to fight off boys trying to get with his daughter. He basically thought that I was a product of his strict Catholic upbringing. Little did he know...

    I wasn't ever able to come out to him because he passed from a heart attack when I was in my early 20's but I suspect he had an idea. My mom and brother are a different story.

    My little brother is a wonderful intelligent person. He was wise beyond his years. I came out to him when he was still in HS but he basically already knew because of all the rumors that had been floating around school. I basically confirmed his suspicions but he was very supportive and even got in fights with people to stick up for his big sister. He was the first to know. When I told him he was totally supportive and swore not to mention it to mom or dad. When I think about it I feel bad for beating him up when we were little kids. lol.

    I had been putting off for so long coming out to my mom because I was terrified. When I met my partner (now my wife) back in 2004, I knew that it was only a matter of time before I had to come out to mom once things started to get serious. I knew I had to tell mom if my gf was going to be a part of my life. There was that day I was dreading to bring her over to meet my mom that was looming over me. I knew I had to tell mom beforehand before I brought her over. When I came out I swear I was shaking but mom was so understanding and she told me that she was just happy that I was happy...and she had figured it out long ago like when I was still in HS. Mom and I have a great relationship and she totally loves my wife too. She comes over often and is totally supportive.

    I just thought I'd share that with everyone as my initial post! :slight_smile:
     
  2. doinitagain

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2014
    Messages:
    214
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    Location:
    East Surrey, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you for sharing this KelliGrrl. An inspiring story. I hope the two of you have a wonderful life together.