Ok, to sum things up fast, i told my mother and she does not accept it (thinks i will change) does not want me to be gay, does not want me telling people, does not want me labeling myself gay, does not want me having relations with a man, does not want me to move to a big city, does not want me to be myself in short. Ive developed enough social phobias and PTS for a small country from being closeted, i dont think im ready to go back in cause my mother is emberessed by me to all her Christian friends. I dont WANT to change who i am, and im finally at that point after so much depression and guilt. I really wish my mother accepted me, but she is MAD at me! I could accept it for now if she was just sad, but MAD? She does not want me to be myself...that hurts so much. I flat out told her then that ive basically told every other family member and friend, and that shes the last one to know for a reason. She didnt like that really, and now things are VERY awkward. I told her plain as day i will never change and that i love myself as i am now. Apparently parents dont just want there children to be happy after all... So now i have amazing accepting friends, amazing accepting siblings, but a mother who wants me to hide who i am so she does not get dirty looks at church?
I think you need to calmly explain to her that you are not choosing this lifestyle to make her angry. Explain that you were born gay, are gay, and will always be gay. There is nothing that you could possibly do to change that. She needs to understand that you're still the same son she's always had, now she just knows the whole you. Tell her how hard it's been for you so she understands that this isn't a walk in the park for you, either. I think that if she really gets how you haven't chosen to be gay and that it has caused you a lot of pain and grief then she will be at least a little more accepting of the situation. Hope that helps =]
Ive told her i was born gay and always will be gay, and about the "same son shes always had" well i kinda never opened up to my mother heh, she thought i liked sports till an hour ago when i told her i only did that for her. I do this thing were i blend to become whatever the person im with wants me to be. With her, i would act super innocent, happy and loving of sports and other things my brother and sister do that make her proud of them. The real fact is i hate all this stuff and im not * Exactly* her innocent angel. It was quite a shock to her, so that didnt make things much better But now im being 100% honest with everyone so atleast i feel better about myself, its just her im worried about now
Yup. Shes VERY Christian though, three times a week to church and when shes not doing that shes doing something else to bible-thump... So she just cant get it in her thick skull!
First of all well done for having the courage to come out to her! :eusa_clap And don't let anybody change the way you feel about yourself! It only matters what you think and if you don't love yourself then who can you love! Just remember that you are an amazing person who you are right now! Your mother may not be able to accept being gay is a part of you now and she may never be able to accept it but you are an amazing person non the less. I agree that you should try explaining to her who you are and maybe she will understand! Good luck and i hope it helps!
Well that really sucks! Hopefully if you wait it out she'll understand better. Other than that...good luck =]
Excellent advice Lizz. You said everything I would have said. Okay,love,she knows. You did everything right. I don't know if it'll help, but give her some PFLAG material and just let her be. It's hard for parents and a lot don't know what to say,so they get angry. If you do talk again,and she starts becoming negative,drop it and leave the room. Telling her was what you needed to do. You did it. ( I'm proud of you!) I'm sorry things are the way they are. It may take some time,but all you can do is remain who you are and live for YOU! Good luck,hon.
The movie Prayers for Bobby is coming up on Lifetime on January 24th. See if you can get your mom to watch that with you. Tell her you don't expect it to change her mind. You would just like her to sit down with you and watch it and then you can discuss it afterward if she wants. Oh, and definitely print off the PFLAG materials for her! Oh and if your mom wants to talk to another mother, you can PM me for my e-mail address. I would be happy to talk to her.
Thank you guys all of you, thanks. Ill google the PFLAG thing now, i wish id known about that BEFORE sigh. She is now just kind of ignoring me and only talking when needed (dinner on the table, take the dog out, ect...) but shes not yelling so thats good haha. Im going to give her some material stuff to look over while im at school tomorrow and slowly maybe she will come around Plan B will be to sick Becky on my mother (i like Plan B)
If you haven't already found the PFLAG material, here is the link: http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=594&srcid=416 Our Daughters and Sons and Faith in Our Families are both excellent!
Another resource you can look at is this pamphlet titled "What the Bible Says and Doesn't Say About Homosexuality." If your mother is basing her opinion off of religious ideas, it might help. It's very long and goes into detail about which bible verse are usually used to condemn homosexuality and what they actually mean. If you look on the website there's also a PDF if you want to print it out. (There's also a "What Science Says and Doesn't Say About Homosexuality") http://www.soulforce.org/article/homosexuality-bible-gay-christian Hope that helps. Don't get discouraged.
If Your Mother Is A True Christian Then She Would Accept You, It Would Take Some Time But It Would Eventually Fall Into Place. If She Never Does Then She Is Being Selfish And Is Not Being True To Her Religion. I Am Not Religious, I Am Atheist, So I Am Not Trying To Be Bias Or Anything. But It Seems To Me That If She Is A True Christian And She Has Truly And Fully Accepted God Into Her Heart Then She Would Accept And Support You No Matter What Because You Are Her Own Flesh And Blood. If She Doesn't Then Maybe There Are Some Things Out Of Place In Her Own Personal Life That She Needs To Get Straightened Out. Maybe She Is Unsure Of Herself And Her Beliefs And That Makes Her Insecure. I Hope The Best For You.
