Hi, I'm new to this forum, I had a realization tonight that it's probably time to start thinking about this all more clearly. I'm sorry this is long, I just need to vent and talk about this. i can say as of right now, I have no idea what my sexuality is. personally i identify to the few people i've "came out" to, like my older sisters and some friends as not bisexual, but inclined to people who attact my attention. I know that I'm lying to myself, I know it's not that complex, I'm attracted to other guys, but at the same time find attraction in girls; less pysically. it sounds less obvious in my head than it may seem in writing. last year my best friend who is openly gay caught my attention and I had a relization that i was attracted to him, so I told him everything, and we dated. I had never even told myself what I was even though I had always been attacted to other guys my whole life. If i thought I was gay i brushed it off. if I thought I was bi i just couldn't understand it. We couldn't lie to our friends so I had to come out to a couple people and it was the scariest thing ever. I cried at night just terrified of what may happen. and the thing is, I have supportive friends, supportive siblings, and what seems like very supportive parents...my mom has wondered if I was gay before. I have a lot going for me with acting, I feel truely blessed and accomplished and I take a lot of pride in what I do, but I'm terrified of being out- whatever I may be. my first boyfriend and I broke up about three months into the relationship. we had snuck around and no one besides who we told had any idea. I had to break it off mainly because I couldn't come to terms with my sexuality, let alone keeping my super-out boyfriend closeted and nervous. it was unfair, and I was heart broken because I knew I was never in love with him, but it was my first real relationship. so that was that and I went in self-defence mode and protected myself against getting hurt. it wasn't about coming to terms with who I was as much as it was getting over him. we're best friends again to this day, but when he started dating another guy I spent an entire night crying to my sister, I felt empty, and at that point forced myself far into the closet. i became interested in other girls, had a few experiences with some over the summer, and even dated a girl for awhile this year, but none of it worked out. so where am i now? my attraction for guys is like an explosion inside of me. sure, I find girls very attractive, but to what extent? i say so much to myself hoping to hit it on the nose, but I'm getting to a point where I'm over the relationship, but the issue of who i am keeps resurfacing- it's been neglected. the answer as of right now as to my sexuality can't be: i'm attracted to people, it's that I have absolutley no clue. I'm far into the closet. everyone I had told I was dating my best friend dosn't know what to think. I talk about other girls, occasionally I may mention a boy, but I just don't know what to say. not that it matters what they think, but I know that I can't leave this hanging anymore. i need to get to the root of this. thanks for reading, I appreciate it. just writing it makes me feel better!
well to me it sounds pretty simple, ur bi! i mean u find attraction to both sexes with a preference to guys. A lot of bi people hav a preference! I think you just hav to come to terms with that. From the sound of it, you sorta already hav but you need to trust yourself... and jump. good luck with all this... it gets easier once you get past this stage. Tom x
Hello and welcome. It might help to not try to think of yourself in terms of "labels". I think that's why so many teenagers say "I'm bi", because there's a natural tendency in all of us to recognize attractive people of either gender. But I don't think people get this. I said to m y housemate recently: "I really want to see Revolution Road. I love Kate Winslet, and I'd like to marry her." My housemate went wide-eyed, and said: "You mean you like Leonardo?" but I know what I meant! It's wrong, of course, to hide your own feelings even from yourself, or to avoid thinking about them, but if you see it as a very personal task, rather than a duty to your friends or "partners", that might help? Hope this makes sense!
I think you have to think which makes you feel better, bein with a guy or bein with a girl. you have obviously been with both so maybe if you just think back to those occasions and think which excited you more. do you get crushes on girls and guys as often as eachother/to the same extent? although it is obviously not as simple to realise as that it is probably a good starting point.
thanks this all makes a lot more sence. i think i really need to think harder just about what i feel. i remember that all experiences with guys have had this extra spark and with girls i've always felt a deeper emotional atachment. i think it's a matter of really thinking hard. it's rough though being a junior in high school and coming to terms with it. i have so much respect for out high schoolers, i might not be able to do it until i go away to college, so more power to you all! i envy it.
First of all Welcome to EC! I would just be yourself and don't worry about labels. I don't now how old you are but you have time to figure out who you are. If you like a guy and are interested in him ask him out. If its a girl go for it. If you try to label yourself you are going to add more stress in you life. Don't go back into the closet. You will just be very unhappy. You sound like your young. Have fun!
As a few people have already said, I don't think the label itself is important, especially if it's causing you grief. I know I stressed out for months over whether or not I was bisexual before I finally realized that it was easier to just ignore labels and just say, you know, I like this person or this person or that person. Sorry; I don't know if that's clear. Basically, love whoever makes you happy, and don't worry about what it means. (I know, it's easier said then done. You'll be okay though.)
