I am finding my true self

I have been with Mike for six years, we have a great relationship and have been married for 6 months. I have had questions about my sexuality before but never did anything about it, I just pushed it aside. I have never been with another woman, only kissed. Meanwhile I suffer from depression and was having a hard time with it for a while. For the last 8 months I am finally finding the right combination of therapy and medication to make me feel like my old self again. So recently the gay issue has been coming up again and again and it felt like it was just coming to a head. I talked to two of my close friends and they basically said the same thing, you know what you have to do you just dont want to do it.

So 4 days ago I looked at myself in the mirror and said "I'm gay" and then I smiled, it was OK. After I admitted it to myself, I had to tell my husband obviously, but we had discussed these topics briefly in the past so it wasn't like a huge shock out of left field. I already knew he was a great guy but I didn't expect him to have such a positive attitude. Obviously we are really upset because this means out marriage is over and we have to eventually live seperate but we are excited because we will always be best friends, be in each others lives, and love each other very much. He was very supportive and just wants me to be happy. We both think that me being gay may or may not have contributed either consciously or subconciously to my stress and depression so we are excited to move forward together and for us both to find hapiness.

This couldn't have went any better! I can't believe it. We are very upset but also happy for me finding my true self. For the first time I am sad but not depressed. I have never had those two feelings seperate before.

In the past few days I told my mom and dad who were very supportive a lot of crying but it was mostly because they felt bad that I was so upset about it, feeling guilty, ashamed..etc. They will both do anything for me which was shocking coming from my dad I thought he would freak and have a breakdown because he is very old school church every sunday gay is wrong etc.

I thought that telling my sister would be the hardest thing to do. She is very rigid and in general a cold person and we do not get along great. I told my sister today and she started laughing..i was put off but then she said im not laughing at you, im just laughing cause i could have told you that 5 years ago.

So my first few steps have been pretty positive and I am feeling good about it. I am scared to tell other people yet but then i again feel like if they dont support me then i dont need them in my life, im not going to waste time on negativity.

So slowly mike and I are figuring it out together now we have to face his parents sometime soon because we usually go there once a week for dinner. I am really nervous because I don't want them thinking I ruined mikes life, I feel like they are gonna say why did you marry him or think i am a liar. But mike and I love each other so much and the wedding day was the best damn day and always wil be of our lives. i just didnt know before, I really didnt. So we are still working on that.

I also found a new therapist this week I am trying to focus because I dont want to waste time feeling ashamed, weird, bad, like a disappointment etc. I just want to be myself, be confident, and move forward positively to start a new chapter in my life and find hapiness. I am so excited!!!

thanks for listening