so hey. well, this is my first post! But i know this site's members are really good when it comes to support, and I surely need some people that understand me.. It all started when on TV was aired the last episode of Grey's Anatomy Season 4, the one where two women find out their fillings for each-other. Well, my mother commented on their every move saying things like 'what the hell?' etc. I got so angry that I started telling her that gay people have rights too. She said to me then "Oh yea? How would you feel kissing a man?" And then, out of nowhere, this answer slipped out "I wouldn't mind! You have made me so openminded that I dont mind trying. But you know something? I am not gonna lie to you again! I have kissed another guy, and even have had sex with one!" -that was kinda harsh, but I couldn't hide myself anymore..:icon_sad: so anyway, her face went pale and she sat on a chair "What do you mean?" and stuff.. We started talking and her main experience was "I don't get it! you are so normal. how could you like being with a guy?" and most of her questions were like 'what have you done with a guy? how far have you gone? you wanna do it again?" I was like "Be thankfull I wold you myself, now it'll be a great time to know me" But she kept asking those things.. I got so upset and I made clear I dont wanna talk to her to THAT expand. Anyway, she got to 'Ok, you sound so confused. You are not bisexual at all. You are just a straight guy who is really really confused". well, that's where we stopped talking.. but later on the afternoon, we did house-work together without even reffering to the issue.. Like I have never told her that I'm Bisex.. I dont know how am I supposed to feel.. how do you think things worked out? thanks in advance, this site is really helpful:icon_bigg
first off, know that your mother loves you; she just doesn't understand yet. To her and a lot from her generation, being gay or bi is wrong and a bad thing. Of course, we know differently. You can try telling her that you are still the same person and being bi doesn't change anything about who you are, except maybe you can be more open and yourself around her now. Also point that out. It took a huge leap of faith for you to tell her, and you did so because you love her and you feel she's an important part of your life whom you don't want to have any secrets from. hahaha...pretty soon, I'm going to convince myself to tell my own parents. I had better stop there. Remember, though, she does still love you; she just needs time to adapt.
First thing you need to do is to PM Becky and get her to send you the Pflag pamphlets for your mum. This will help her learn about homosexuality and bi sexuality. Once you get these resources you should apologise to your mum for coming out to her in that shocking and disrespectful manner and ask her if you can have a reasonable discussion about the subject. I know I am being harsh here but if you want you mum to come round and accept you for who you are you can't do it with head on clashes. You were wrong to come out to her like that, she was wrong to react the way she did. Two wrongs don't make a right. If you are willing to take responsability for what you did and said then maybe she will be also. There IS confusion here, your mum is confused, she doesn't know anything about homosexuality, non of us mums do, where did you get it from?, is it her fault?, did she do something when you were young to turn you this way?, have you been influenced?, could she have done something to stop it? can it be cured? all sorts of questions are probably flying round her brain, you have to help her to find out about all this and understand what 'homosexuality' means really on a day to day level for her and for you. Don't give up on her, this is probably a really scary time for your mum.
I agree with Louise, you do need to apologize to your mom. You can't change what has happened but you can show remorse for it. Then you can ask her to read the PFLAG materials. You can find them here: http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=594&srcid=416
the weird thing is that by the time i logged in here, I have already talked to my mother. IO told her sorry for telling her that way, that I'm here for her to talk anytime she wants and that kind of stuff.. by the way, i feel SO relieved. Even if she doesn't accept it, I'm like 'that's one less person to hide from' =]
Most parents think it's a phase! I came out 30 (*cough!*) years ago,and this is exactly what my mom said! I think it's just easier for them to think(hope?) that this is the case. As time goes on and she sees it's not going to change,I think it'll be easier for her to accept. Parents think like this,especially when you're young when you come out. p.s. My mom is now my biggest supporter. If ANYONE says anything against gay people,my mom flips out about it,even at work! Gotta love that!
Fist for all welcome to EC! Everyone has given you great advice. I would not apologize for being who you are but maybe for the way you came out to your mom. It sounds like you did that already. Thats a good start.
thanks for all your threads just an update i just talked to my mother, and se calmly asxked me questions like 'With how many boys have you had something more than just a friendship?" When I said "Just one" (when its actualy a couple of them) she said that I should keep my distance from that guy as he influences me in a bad way. Well, actually she thinks he is the reason I tried something more with a guy. All I could do is apologize for saying her about myself in that way, and to agree with her on not seeing him again.. Did I do the right thing? How should I act from now on>
Give her some time, and let her know that you wanted to do what you did, and that no one influenced you .
Well I would not make promises that you don't intend on keeping. If you really don't intend on seeing that boy again, then its fine. But if you said that to her just to make her happy while seeing this boy behind her back. probably not okay.
its ok about the promise! I have been thinking it myself to never see the other guy again and keep a distance [but I might have fallen for him, Idk =/] anyway, my current problem is that I 'have been thinking' and i've figured that its not that im confused, but this is who I am and I won;t change! is it ok to tell my mother? should I leave her some more time? of should I never tell her? +(
stand up for yourself! You're basically agreeing with her that you should feel ashamed thereby perpetuating her belief that it is wrong. Your feelings are natural; her beliefs are propaganda! Do you want to live the rest of your life in a closet feeling ashamed of yourself? (ps -- I realize you are 16; maybe you can't take a hard stance yet but draw from this view -- its a healthier outlook, I think.)
