Let me just start off by saying that I had a crush on a girl previously. But I lost interest after five years. I started being confused about my sexuality in Grade 5 (when I was 11 years old) I stated noticing boys at a young age but I just shoved it at the back of my head not thinking about it at all, well kind of, I had my first sexual experience at the end of that year, and I must say, I did not, not it. It was my very first gay sexual experience, but I had a straight one as well since we were playing truth or dare. Anyway back to the story, I got a little confused after that, I started the next year 12 years old since my birthdays are at the end of the year. Well the next year I started noticing boys a little more and all interest in my crush was lost by the 3rd term. Mostly because of me finally cracking and realizing that, all the people at my school hated me, they taunted me all the time laughed at me and didn't want to be near me, the girl I liked too. I started hating myself as well. I lost interest in everything and everyone, I started reading, writing and drawing in my spare time to keep everybody out of my head. But this couldn't continue, all good things have to come to an end don't they. Though I rejected everybody the way they rejected me, I felt happy. The next year, my ex-crush and I grew closer to each other, we were now best friends. But me having a new best friend meant I have to let go of another one. But I also had a reason to do so. One day while I was at his house, (I have developed a small crush towards him, nothing much) but after a little talk, he finally said something that destroyed our friendship forever, "you have nothing to live for anyway, why don't you commit suicide." I'll never forget that, but he continued to say, "you know I'm right, nobody likes you and taunts you all the time." I left his house on my bike in 5 minutes telling him that I have something to do. I never talked to him again, not to this day. Then came a next part of my life, High School. I decided to start off fresh, in my mind I liked both boys and girls, in reality I convinced everybody I was straight even my new best friend Danie (Magenta Mucus, he is on this site) We grew really close to each other, but I still couldn't tell him my secret, even though he introduced me to his bi-sexual friend who lives in Britain. Later that year on 21 December 2014. We both came out as bi to each other with the other bi friend on a Whatsapp group. We three grew closer to each other. At the beginning of the year me and MM came out to somebody in our hostel room, he said that he was bi as well, but we were really suspicious of him, we added him to our group anyways. On one weekend he went to the toilet and somebody went through his phone, that person just so happened to be in our room as well. The week started awkwardly when our secret was blurted out by him to the rest of our room. MM and I was pissed at him but he blackmailed us by saying he will tell the entire school if we don't do what he says, he later decided against it and let us be, but that really was a dick move, especially if we're not ready to come out yet. Somewhere in the middle of this year (2015) I asked a girl out, but I was so stressed, she answered me 2 days later after a lot of awkward encounters with each other, well during those two days I really started questioning my sexuality, "am I truly bi?" She said no, but at the same time I was both relieved and sad. The questioning continued as I asked a lot of questions to myself, for example: "Can you see yourself in a relationship with girls?" No "Can you see yourself in a relationship with boys?" Yes "Are you sexually attracted to girls?" No "Are you sexually attracted to boys?" Yes Final answer, I am gay. I told MM, the room, and in August, my sister. My thoughts were, nothing could go wrong, except, everything could go wrong and it did. Two people moved out of our room and another two moved in, we begged the people in our room not to tell about our sexuality, but some DICK, went ahead and did it anyway. The school might have found out because of them, or not. We weren't sure. At least it was almost the end of the year. The last week, MM wasn't at school, but I was fine, oh and somebody in our room tried to convince me to be straight, yeah, doesn't work that way. On 8 December I changed my Whatsapp status to a coming out message, because I still kind of struggle coming out verbally, now I had a mission, explaining it to my ex-crush, she was mad at me for telling MM before her, I told her why I did it she said it was okay, but the conversation was short and ended in a smiley. At least I have my parents, my sister and my friends' support, now I just need to take it a step further and actually make a coming out video and post it to YouTube. I am now finished with grade 9, on my way to 10. I am almost 16 years old as well, phew time really goes by fast. Thanks for reading my coming out story
