Just a question, so I hope that I don't often anyone. Has anyone ever thought that it would just be easier to "fake it"?! Easier in the sense that it's "expected"; however I know that I would be lying to myself. What I mean is that, I have only just recently accepted that I am gay, but I am "fighting it". I sometimes tell myself that it would just be easier to go with a woman because it's "typical". However I know that would be unfair to her, and our children. I could love a woman, but can't see myself being in love with her (or physically attracted). I believe that I would be happy, but something would always be missing...hard to explain. As I said, it's just a question...Has anyone ever questioned going back in the closet just to avoid the hassle?! You can read my thread...it is a lot clearer than what I've written here.
The wise Matthew Koma once said in a song with Tiesto "I like us better when we're wasted. it makes it easier to fake it"
It would be a type of happiness, but something would be missing. I mean, I can see myself taking care of a woman, I can picture being with my wife through her pregnancy and giving birth, going to PTA meetings at school, etc. But there's a "but". However she would be a friend...because I wouldn't be in love with her, plus I'd be denying a part of myself. Imagining those things with a guy still seems bit taboo, but I am slowly coming around to it. Plus, I would make a great dad...and as many have said, I would make the perfect husband, but to whom?! Lol!! I guess that I'm also afraid of not having kids...adoption is an option, but it wouldn't be the same as having my own child.
I suppose the question would be could you live with the "what if?". By this I mean, could you ignore that voice in your head that would say "what if I could have had it all?" Also, you could get a surrogate and still have your own child. It's just so expensive. As is adoption. Although I'm not sure what that's like in France, tbh.
You know, as you said, that that would be unfair to her and to you. And that big "but" would turn into a huge "but" someday. And then into a colosal "but". Etc. You would make a great dad and a great husband. I'm sure. To whom is up to you and the person you love. Adoption is an option. Subrogacy is another option. I know subrogacy may not sound very "popular" to you, but you should consider all the options.
Could I ignore the "what if"?! I know I can, and that's the scary part. I am accustomed to "erasing myself", as well as my needs for others. It is something I am working on. Yes, I have thought of the surrogate. However it is not allowed for those who are gay in France. Actually found out that only last year were gay people given the right to give blood!! Strange as France seems to be very gay friendly. In adoption however, there's still the chance that the child can be taken away during the "grace period". I could not live with that. Can't wait for the day I hold my own child. Have always taken care of or raised friends' and family's children...I'm like a big brother or uncle to many. Many have mistaken me for the father of these children because of how I am with them. Lol!! Would like my own now though!! Lol!!
