My Story

Thought I'd share my coming out story if anyone cares to read. Accepting who I am and coming out has easily been the most challenging thing I've ever done. Where to even start?

Like everyone else, I always knew I was different from a younger age. I grew up with an older sister and found that I shared a lot of her more girly interests. Her music taste, playing with dolls, stuff like that. When I first discovered porn, I just never really got what my male friends were geeking out about. I had to pretend to like looking at naked women a lot more than I really did. The boobs were nice, but I always found the v rather terrifying. My first masturbating experiences were to women. It always took forever though. I never really had crushes on boys though which made everything more confusing. I really thought I was straight up until about 15 when I finally tried masturbating to a guy.

My taste in men was and still is a bit different. I always found myself looking at older men who were 30-40 with stocky builds. I specifically remember crushing hard on one of my dad's friends. Very handsome, but overweight. Still had a nice build. Strong shoulders, bigger arms but had a bit of a beer gut (which I found really sexy). When I tried pleasuring myself to the thought of him it just instantly clicked. From that moment on I almost always masturbated to men. But nope, I was still straight in my head. I still even had crushes on girls and was convinced that I really wanted a girlfriend. So I would date girls. And big surprise, it never lasted long because I would end it cause it didn't feel right. I just didn't find the right girl, that must have been it (i'd think to myself).

It's crazy that I fought so hard to be myself just to fit in. I was always careful with the way I talked, the way I acted, sharing my interests, etc. I wasn't asked often, but I'd still get the "are you gay?" question. Which would make me super upset, but I'd play it off like it didn't bother me.

I eventually decided I was comfortable accepting that I was probably bisexual around 19-20. I had zero intention of coming out to anyone and still only wanted to date girls. Probably bisexual turned into definitely bisexual, which turned into bisexual but more interested in boys. At 24 I was finally ready to be with a guy, which was difficult still living at home and not being out to my parents. After having my first boyfriend I finally got the courage to start coming out. I came out to one of my best female friends whom I felt comfortable with. Couldn't say the words "I'm gay". I basically kept hinting until I could finally get her to ask, "are you gay?". It felt good to finally tell someone, but she was the only person for a while.

I kept dating and eventually found my current boyfriend who i fell for instantly. Which happened at the perfect time. I was finally moved out and didn't have to lie to my parents about where I was. I came out to another friend, my two roommates (who are both long term good friends), my sister, more friends, and finally the hardest - mom and dad. Everyone was extremely accepting and supportive, even those who I wasn't expecting it from. Which I'm very grateful for. Now even my homophobic conservative grandparents know. It's been a long road, and even still I'm not completely open. I still don't feel comfortable telling people at work, but I think eventually I will be.

A bit off topic but still related, I developed feelings for one of my best friends along my process of coming out. He was a lot like me and one of the few male friends I ever truly connected with. I never thought he was attractive, but as we got older he became quite good-looking. I also convinced myself that there was a good chance he was also gay. He complimented me a lot on my looks and got touchy almost every time we got drunk. We wrestled multiple times in a flirtatious manner too. After I came out to him, the compliments and other signs only got more intense. All of our mutual friends think he's in love with me. Before meeting my current boyfriend I totally would have made a move at this point. I don't have feelings for him anymore but I'm almost positive he has them for me. He's not out to anyone and I don't think he ever will come out, at least not anytime soon. It sucks because I can't confront him about liking me without risking fucking up our friendship, yet every time we drink and even sometimes while sober I get uncomfortable about the way he acts and the things he says to me. I see him struggling like I was and really want to help him, but there's nothing I can do unless he ends up taking things too far with me.

Let me not end my story on that note though. I'm head over heels for my boyfriend who I've been with for almost a year. He started dating me almost completely in the closet and was so supportive while coming out. I'm so happy and proud to be with him and it made everything much easier. He's my first real relationship and I feel so lucky to have met him. As someone who was always picky and introverted I never imagined I'd find someone like this who I could connect with so well.

Anyways, that's my story. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!