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I told Mum, not the greatest

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Double Dubya, Jun 11, 2007.

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  1. Double Dubya

    Double Dubya
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    I did it

    I told Mum that I’m gay and it didn’t go over very well. She says that she still loves me, but she gave me hell the whole ride home because I waited so long to tell her and because I should have known that she was ok with it.

    Just before I had to leave for project graduation I slipped a letter under Mum’s pillow because I knew that I wouldn’t be seeing her until the next morning. I don’t really remember what I said and now I can’t find the letter. I did tell her that if she wanted to do what is right, then she would just say that she loves me unconditionally, then drop it, and not tell anyone because I will when I am ready. Then there was a PS that “I will assume that everything is still fine with us if I see you in the morning at the bus stop.” My bus got back an hour early so I had to sit on the curb from 4am to 5am waiting to see if she would show. She pulled in and I loaded my stuff and got in the passenger seat as we hit the road I was bombarded with questions. I tried to explain why our relationship has been rocky for the past year but I’m not good with words, especially when I’m upset.

    “Why have you waited so long to tell me?!”
    “I knew you would be upset”
    “I’m not upset!”
    “You’re yelling”
    “…”

    I kinda blacked out and don’t remember much. When we got home I went to bed and she went to work. I don’t want to see what happens when she gets home tonight. I’m just really nervous that everything is in a rift now.

    I’m going to try and get the letter back from her. If I do I can post it. Maybe I will remember more later on.

    WW
     
    #1 Double Dubya, Jun 11, 2007
  2. Grof142007

    Grof142007
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    Grats on coming Out. Also Grats on Graduation Feels good dont it
     
    #2 Grof142007, Jun 11, 2007
  3. beckyg

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    Try to look at the positive side. She said she would be okay with it and that she loves you. She'll calm down and you two can talk rationally about it. It could be much worse!
     
    #3 beckyg, Jun 11, 2007
  4. Jersey4Life

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    That is the most common line used in my house. Doesn't that awkward silence annoy you?

    Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS on coming out to your mother! She'll get over the fact you waited so long to tell her, she probably just doesn't understand how hard it is to come out to some one.
     
    #4 Jersey4Life, Jun 11, 2007
  5. Revan

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    Let us know how it goes since its getting to be the evening soon anyway. I wish you luck.
     
    #5 Revan, Jun 11, 2007
  6. xequar

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    Congratulations on coming out! Give it a day or two and then try to talk to her again. I suspect that the awkward ride home was a direct function of you being nervous about the conversation combined with her not necessarily knowing what to say. Give things a few minutes to settle into a groove and things will likely work out fine...
     
    #6 xequar, Jun 11, 2007
  7. ampthejazz

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    Congrats on coming out!

    At least she's not upset that you're gay. I bet it will all turn out fine.
     
    #7 ampthejazz, Jun 11, 2007
  8. joeyconnick

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    Cool, WW... sorry you're stressed about it but like many have said, that will hopefully pass. What a huge step!
     
    #8 joeyconnick, Jun 11, 2007
  9. Double Dubya

    Double Dubya
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    I have a complete blackout of what happened from the time I got into the van until I woke back up with Mum gone to work. Now it has been two days and the issue still hasn’t come back up yet. I want to ask her for the letter back but I don’t really know what give her as a reason.

    Thanks guy,
    WW
     
    #9 Double Dubya, Jun 12, 2007
  10. Revan

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    I'd say frankly you should ask her, I think she's just waiting for you to bring it up.
     
    #10 Revan, Jun 15, 2007
  11. Phantomblade

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    she may want to keep the letter...
     
    #11 Phantomblade, Jun 18, 2007
  12. Jim1454

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    Congrats on coming out! Bring it up by thanking her for being understanding and accepting you for who you are. She should feel good about that. Then just make a joke out of not being able to remember what you wrote, and could you see the letter again.
     
    #12 Jim1454, Jun 18, 2007
  13. Double Dubya

    Double Dubya
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    Yep, for the past week we have both been pretending that nothing happend:bang:. But she says "I love you" 900 times a day. When I wake up, when I leave, when I get home, when I go to sleep. The other day I got up from the couch and she said it, "But Mum, I'm only going to the bathroom!?":grin:
     
    #13 Double Dubya, Jun 18, 2007
  14. Jim1454

    Jim1454
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    LOL! There are worse things! That's too funny!:grin:
     
    #14 Jim1454, Jun 18, 2007
  15. TriBi

    TriBi
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    Different people deal with things in different ways...and she very obviously DOES love you and want to be supportive as she is basically doing pretty much exactly what you asked in your letter:
    "I did tell her that if she wanted to do what is right, then she would just say that she loves me unconditionally, then drop it, and not tell anyone because I will when I am ready."

    Maybe you need to initiate a conversation with her to talk about how you feel in a bit more depth - I can appreciate that might make you feel awkward, but I'm sure she cares and would want to do her best to understand.

    Perhaps Becky could weigh in this with her feelings? - after all...she has been there.
     
    #15 TriBi, Jun 18, 2007
  16. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    Oh, that is funny! She's sorting things out Double Dubya! The prevelant thing in her mind is she knows she loves you and nothing will change that. She wants you to feel totally loved. Tell you that you love her too and you would like to talk more about your revelation when she feels like it. Give her some materials to read from PFLAG! Buy her a book to read that gives her some knowledge. Things are going to be okay.
     
    #16 beckyg, Jun 18, 2007
  17. Sam

    Sam
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    well I think you now know that she loves you! hahaha. My mom kept saying how much she loved me too for the longest time. I think that moms think that since they know that their child is gay that their child will think that their mom doesn't love them anymore she wants you to know that she loves you no matter what. also I think the reason why she was mad at the fact that you didn't tell her sooner was because she didn't want you worrying about whether you should tell her or not for as long as you did. my mom was mad that I didn't tell her sooner because she said that she knows that it was hurting me to keep this secret and she wished that I didn't have to be in so much pain for so long
     
    #17 Sam, Jun 18, 2007
  18. Miaplacidus

    Miaplacidus
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    Probably some of you know what happened when I came out - my mother began asking lots of uncomfortable questions about my sex life (who were my sexual partners, whether I was a "top" or a "bottom", etc). She hasn't stopped yet. Dad hasn't said anything yet and I hope he keeps his mouth shut because I know he won't say anything good.

    So, not the greatest here either.
     
    #18 Miaplacidus, Jun 18, 2007
  19. Double Dubya

    Double Dubya
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    I don’t know if today was a step up or a step back on the ‘Mum front’...

    Today we went to the temple because it finally opened last week. (We are spiritualists and I am currently taking classes for medium-ship where we do readings, dowsing, pendulums, automatic writing and all that jazz.) Even though it isn’t catholic, and no one gets turned away, I’ve had a sense of problems because of my homosexuality, and it has been affecting my meditations. But today the speaker seemed to be talking straight to me all through the service and then she did personal readings. When she came to me she said that “you and your kind are perfectly acceptable, will receive the rights deserved, and your calling to faith is recognized and in motion.” (I never had to tell her I was Gay) I felt the biggest weight come off my shoulders and I started crying:tears: :tears: . Mum tried linking arms with me and said no, then she put her hand on my knee and I pulled away. I just didn’t want someone on me. I continued to ball for the next three hours in joy so I went out to the car. Later a woman came over and gave me a hug ‘because I deserve one’. When we got home mum was upset because,
    “You hugged a perfect stranger but not me”
    “You weren’t hugging. You were clinging. You never tried to hug me.” (I hate clinging)
    “Why did you cry so much?”
    “She said the word ACCEPTED. You haven’t even said that.”
    “Why won’t you hug me?”
    “Why would I hug someone who might hate me?”
    Then I reminded her of some of the mean things she had done, and explained why I haven’t been Lovey Dovey.
    She got really upset and stopped eating, threw her plate in the sink and went to the basement I think. I went over to the next town to mow my friend’s lawn and got back home after dark, just in time for Mum to go to bed. She didn’t offer to hug, didn’t say I love you, just said she was going to bed. I went over to hug her and she didn’t hug back, so I hugged longer, and she said, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to”, I kept hugging so she finally hugged back.

    Seems like more of a step back huh?
    Night,
    WW
     
    #19 Double Dubya, Jun 24, 2007
  20. Sam

    Sam
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    well its all in how you look at it but I think that she feels hurt by your actions even though it probably was just a reaction that was caused by everything that has happened lately with you and your mom. sometimes when I'm feeling kind of like you were feeling I don't want to be touched either and my mom doesn't understand either and takes offense by my not wanting her to touch me much less hug me. things with your mom will get better I know it will
     
    #20 Sam, Jun 24, 2007
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