that you don't even know where you are... I am going to share with you the poems i wrote during the darkest period of my life. i hid them and let no one read them. and there is this one e-mail about how i felt that i never sent.... Just to see where i am know may give other hope. i just wanted to share. I can't explain it in real words. let the writings show you: BE WARNED!! lets play a game, a deadly game, a game of suicide. we'll take a gun, or we'll take a knife, and then we'll die with pride. This worlds so hard and we have to fight, Just to live and just to gain our right. The lines between reality and dreams are so bleak, people think I'm so strong when I'm really so weak. death is for the lonely, i pull my heart to see. beyond the yonder grasslands and below the bluest sea. stripe me any color, change my world with in. take and rip my heart to pieces, for i don't know where to begin. The Suicide Girl Sacrifice is her device when life just gets to tough. she tries to die, every night. because her life is rough. one rope, lost hope. she wants to die she begins to cry. it's just another night, with death given up from fright... A pain only i can feel. makes me writhe and shiver. Invisible, it still is real. As are waters of a freezing river. My pulse pounds in my heart, As my head hurts with memories. Who knew suffering was such an art, As is hanging amongst the trees. Death can see so beautiful, when looked on from a different view. But these chains are heavy and away i pull. Like weighted lies that are sadly true. No one can say it exsists. This pain i talk about. Even though weak, i insist. that it's real, i plead and shout. I want to hide, run away. Dream forever in the clouds. Above from cruel reality, i could stay. And then my voice could be more loud... What i say is always ignored It's like i have no voice. But when it comes my life, unadorned. They give me not a single choice. Why isolate me, in the dark? I want to crawl away from life. Hiding with my scars to mark, Wear therw was a meeting of skin and knife... i don't even know if prayer affects me because i still feel the evil inside. i mean how could anyone possibly understand me unless they've heard the demonic whispers inside my head, unless they feel the stronge urges to cut everytime they see something seemingly sharp, unless they feel the itch at the old scars waiting to be ripped open once again. it's not fair. no matter who i talk to they will think there is sumthing wrong with me. but i beleive. i believe it's all real. its all i have to actually believe in. i believe god is trying to help me, but evil is strong. and yuou wouldn't know that unless you felt the weight of it on my shoulders as i try to fight it off. i'm tryingf but it's weaking me after so long. its relentless. but you wouldn't know. the only way sumone can help me is to believe me. to truly believe me like carl does and pray for that. not jsut pray morgans mental problems get better. cause they are fine. pray for teh truth. i'll pray for you. to open yhour eyes and see what is about to happen. what is happening. because i was given the fate to know this all. i unleashed the secret once but was not beleived. i cannot tell. it's not my fate-that's undecided. it's the worlds. what shall take place. what makes me shake in fear. they shall see. and so shall you. Armageddon. Revelation's words. The holy holocaust. The war of the heaven's. both heaven's. Satan'sthrone and God's throne. GOd only take the good. Satan takes whom ever and promises good. but he wasn't as many so his demons control those whomever child or teen or adult, drives them crazy and has them kill themselfs. but it's taken as suicide when truly it's homicide. i weon't be part. i'll stay and try. i fight. but it fights back. it'll only be so long. i must get my message out. for it won't be long. so be good and fight for GOd for satan destroys. and soon as the end comes you must be ready to take side s and fight. fight for good!!!!!!!! END :redface: :eusa_pray :eusa_shhh :eusa_shhh (^i still believe it was was real. i just beleive i was strong anough to concur whatever was ailing me...)
Hi Morgan, That is some heavy prose and poetry. There is no doubt that the author was going through considerable pain (*hug*) . The positive aspect is that you are hopefully out of danger and that writing about your pain is an excellent venting tool, a release valve for the emotions we can't always express in simple terms to the people around us. As I read some of your thoughts, the song "Nobody Knows" by Pink came to mind. Hope you thought about putting some of your work to music? That's how memorable songs are written. Good luck
My depression never inspired me like this - I'm not creative, either when I'm good or depressed. While dark, it's still beautiful in a way as well. That you are here to share it with us is the most beautiful though. I'm thankful for that. Keep up that fight - it's worth it, and we're all here to help. That's the message that needs to be front and center here. Thanks so much for sharing. And for proving that a person can overcome. And that God is alive and working through all of us. I'm starting to believe that. Thanks Morgan.
Wowww ..Im creative but i cant eva write a poem.. when im deprssed i neva thouhgt of cuttin my self. i Gess my life isnt as hard
well I'm glad you are feeling better. I don't think somebody can understand the pain that someone can go through unless they have been there themselves. I was once there just a few years ago and I actually use to write poems about the pain and depression I was in too. Today I am doing better too. I am no longer afraid to hide who I am. It seems like you are the same way. I think your poems will help a lot of people on this website I have posted a couple poems on this website also and have had people tell me that it has helped them so I'm sure people will tell you the same thing. it helps people to know that how they are feeling now won't last forever and life does get better. thank you for sharing your poems! Sam
It made me cry, you put into words the way i have felt in the past, i am still here and i am so happy that you are too, hang in there please for yourself, the world needs people like you, sensitive and creative and caring. greg
I TOTALLY understand where the author is coming from. Only a few weeks ago I was in depression so deep that i couldn't stop thinking of suicide. Everything feels completely hopeless right now and my life is going nowhere. I had fantasies, very specific ones, on how I would kill myself. I always thought it would be better done far away in some desolate place where it would take a long time to find the body if at all. These thoughts scared me like you wouldn't believe and I'm so scared that they'll come back just as easily as they came because it was only a few weeks ago. I do feel really alone and i've told no one except for people on the internet that i've felt this way. It doesn't seem like anyone really understands or even cares.
This kinda reminded me of a song by Plumb called "Cut." http://www.google.com/musics?lid=V1gJ3Qw-7s&aid=iooRkpeu1oF&sid=kXxRkaR6SyB It isn't a very popular song but its really good. I also like "Boys Don't Cry" , "Damaged" , and "Real" by Plumb
That was scary and beautiful at the same time. And by beautiful, I don't mean the sentiment - but the way you were able to capture the raw emotion so powerfully with words. Other than that, there is nothing else I can say - except that Jim said it far better than I could hope to. Oh - and your friends at EC are always here for you.
Hendrix, I care. There are likely a bunch of us here that do. So you're not alone at all, even though its tough to get the kind of support that you really need from 'virtual' friends like us - through the internet. But we're better than nothing! I don't know anything about your personal situation, or what kind of help might be available to you. I know it's really scary to have these thoughts, but the fact that you recognize them as scary, and want to talk to someone about it, suggests that you don't really want to act on them, and that you'd really like some help. There are likely some support services out there for you to reach out to... I found this on Google: http://suicidehotlines.com/northcarolina.html It is important to talk to someone about what is bothering you, and what can be done to make yourself feel better. The thoughts of suicide likely will come back once in a while, but if you're like me, and you start to feel better, they will be fleeting in nature. They won't stick around. It will be more like a passing thought when something starts to bother you, rather than something that you dwell on. Thats my hope for you anyway. Not sure if there is anything else I can do, other than to remind you that there are lots of us who have been where you are, including AngelOnFire, and we've come out the other side of it - and so can you. (*hug*)
