What happens after you come out?

Whilst I don't have first hand experience of coming out (I'm still trying to find the courage to do so myself), speaking for myself I'd find it hard to believe that someone who came out to me recently has had a change of heart and gone back the other way.

I think this fear is one of the major hurdles affecting the decision to come out. I'd say it is a fairly life changing event (at least, it is from where I'm sitting at the moment) and is a decision that you have to make for yourself.

 

You're never going to be out for good if you just come out to your family and friends. There are always going to be new friends you make throughout your life that you'll have to tell, and new people that come into your life in general that won't know unless you tell them.

 

No way!
The first (and easy) step is telling your close friends and family. That takes a few minutes or hours to do, but you still have to live the rest of your life! Every new person you meet will have to realize or be informed of your sexuality, and you'll come out to complete strangers!
I mean, I come out every day, just by walking down the street, buying groceries, just living my life. So, no. You'll never be good forever.

 

well it is possible to say that you arent any more..... im guilty of that with my mom

 

hmm this did get quite confusing haha. I am not out at all and have wondered the same thing. But maybe we are possibly over thinking? Coming out to everyone you know, then yes your out and they will know. As for constantly coming out..think of it like this for example. You go somewhere youve never been before and no one knows you. So therefore when you meet them they will naturally ask your name.So if your asking if your gonna be coming out for the rest of your life, just think about how many people your going to meet throughout yourlife. Im sure your not gonna wake up everyday and have to be like "I have to come out again today.." Once youve openly admitted your gay, your out!! Its just the fact of letting people know that "hey this is who I am, Ive accepted it, and you should too."

 

I don't think coming out is always worth it because it totally depends on the situation you come out in, the people you come out to, their reactions, how you come out, etc.

Whether it's always worth it also depends on what kind of person you are. For me, having people know who I am and not having to watch what I say to them/around them is of central importance, so coming out to me is pretty much always worth it. This doesn't mean I go around coming out to random people on the street, of course, because when I say I want people to know who I am, I don't mean I feel the need for every person I see to know "the real me." But if I'm likely to interact with someone on an ongoing basis, then yes, I want them to know. This doesn't mean I have to sit each and every one of those people down and say, "I have something to tell you..." It just means I find some way of revealing it in conversation. This is actually phenomenally easy because all straight people ever do is talk about their sex lives and who they're into. Okay, that was mainly for humourous effect but people are often talking about where they were, who they were with, and yes, pretty often who they're into. So the opportunity to say "I dig guys" is pretty ubiquitous in most cases.

That doesn't mean you're constantly coming out, because you generally only have to come out in new situations or with new people. And of course unless you feel the urge to say, "Hi I'm gay" to everyone you ever meet, you don't have to mention it to all new people.

And on top of that, you make coming out sound like a real chore. I guess it seems that way in the beginning but honestly, it does get easier because you get comfortable with being gay and that makes telling people a lot more comfortable too. Like you don't have to do the traditional "I have something to tell you" while looking like you're about to say someone you know has died. :lol:

But because most people assume people are straight (oh heterosexism, you are so fun), then if you want to correct misassumptions, coming out is kinda a lifelong thing. Happily, though, it's not a constant thing. Of course, if you don't care if someone assumes you are straight when you're not, there's a lot less coming out to do. So it all boils down to how you feel about it.

 

Oh alright. well it seems that she is attracted to you maybe emotionally, but just not sexually. Obviously you mean alot to her if she was trying to make it so the two of you could be together

 

It would be highly, highly unlikely. And if someone did, I would immediately think they were mentally unbalanced or damaged.

 

I really havent thought about it like that, I, myself want to be like 100 percent sure of myself before I do anything like that.

 

I'm not sure if anyone ever feels 100% sure before they come out... there's a huge weight of societal homophobia kinda pushing people to be unsure.

I wasn't totally sure when I came out... but I was at least 90% up to 95% sure.

 

I wasn't 100% sure that I was gay. I'd never been with anyone and I knew I had feelings for boys but I wasn't 100% rock-solid certain that that meant I was never going to be attracted to a woman.

 

Usually, when someone decides they're ready to come out, they're pretty sure of their sexuality. People doubt and second-guess all the time in their own minds, but by the time they let someone else know, they're usually as sure as they'll ever be. If someone came out to me, and then backpedalled a while later saying "sorry, I'm actually straight", I'd assume that they were still confused, or that someone had been trying to 'convert' them and question what they thought - harsh questioning from someone intent on changing you can mess up your thinking, but in the end it can't change your wiring.

 

I am living the life I love I have come out.
Take it how you want.
Depends how the coming out goes.