So I'm sure that I don't have the most complicated out situation here, but I feel that I owe everyone an explanation. I am out to some people that I know well, even fewer that are truly close to me, and a whole lot who don't really matter. To clarify a bit, I haven't yet told my family or the majority of my friends from high school. I knew that I wasn't straight probably at about age 14. At the time, I was attending a Catholic, Ally guys high school. For those who are unfamiliar, they are pretty conservative places, and "gay" is used as an adjective for everything from annoying to sh:***:y. I made a lot of my best friends there, and I really did enjoy my high school experience, but I always felt awkward. I just didn't fit in terribly well. I wasn't a workout obsessed jock (my school had a jocky reputation) and I definitely wasn't checking out the girls from the all girls school next door. Fast forward to senior year. I was on a retreat in the spring with some of my best friends as well as some others that I didn't know too well. Well, on like the second night, I was feeling particularly emotional, and I knew that I had to tell someone, because keeping myself secret was terrible. It was confining, and draining, and altogether awful. So I pull my best friend since first grade aside and tell him that we need to talk. He said that was ok, and we walked off to a private spot at the retreat center. To keep a long conversation short, I told him that I am gay. He took my hand and said, "When you said that we needed to talk, I knew that it would be about 1 of 2 things. Either you were thinking of killing yourself, or you are gay. I'm so happy that it's the latter." He then just hugged my while I cried bittersweet tears of relief. Anyway, summer came and went, and I kept thinking that it would be great to tell more people, but I was just so afraid of how people would react. So because I am weak of constitution, I didn't tell anyone. I started off at college, and things were cool. I loved the University, and all of the people that I met were awesome. Well, one day, I was hanging out in a neighbor's dorm room. Several people left the room, and I was left with a gay guy who had been suggesting that I was gay because the only music that I really listen to is showtunes. He said, "We need to get you drunk so that you can confess your repressed homosexuality." He knew that I don't drink, and so I responded with a casual, "Why would I need to be drunk to state that truth." And he just sort of looked at me like, wait really!? Anyway, he asked some typical questions, how long have you known, etc. From that point on, he sort of pushed me into telling my other college friends. Eventually, I got to a point where I could be out but not conspicuous, if you will, with most people that I met at College. That still left me with the issue of my family and high school friends. I don't know how to tell them. I really want to, but I only ever see most of my high school friends on the weekend when most of them aren't in any state of mind for me to be telling them anything important, if you catch my drift. I feel like I befriended the most accepting of the kids at my high school, but I can't convince myself to utter the words to them. The same thing goes for my family, with the exception of my brother. My mom and dad have always been really good to me, and they have said time and again that no matter what I do, I am their son, and they will love me. Well, that's all well and good, but I just can't seem to convince myself to tell them. So that's where I stand, out of the closet with the door wide open in case my family or high school friends come by so that I can quickly dash inside and hide again. I know that this really is a ridiculous thing to do, but I just can't convince myself to take the risk. I know that if I don't, I will never truly be able to break out of my cage, but until then, I just have to maintain. And that's what I'm doing now, maintaining.
first of all- into the woods- good quote, i approve. second, you seem to have A LOT going for you. some people would kill for as much freedom as you have. from the looks of it, youre having a good colleege experience, and you know what, the closet door may be wide open, but it is your choice. you may need to come to terms with it further and spend some time thinking, but when the time is ripe, you'll make the leaps. push yourself a little out of your comfort zone, start with close girls then make your way to guys, and parents will come eventually. if they say they love you, it's the truth. good luck with everything, just have fun, relax, and dont worry, you have plenty of time!
I wouldn't feel badly about not yet telling family and high school friends. It makes sense to take some time to get more comfortable and confident with being out before taking that step. It feels "riskier" to tell people with whom you have a long relationship because you have grown to value their opinion over time. It's really cool that you've come out to so many people and have the space to live your life while waiting for a time that feels right to tell your family.
Yeah, I think that I lucked out on that one. I go to a really accepting college. It definitely gives me the space that I need to think about how to deal with the family when the time comes.
Ditto with everyone else here, FinalFantasyFan. You're an amazingly well-adjusted, together, post-adolescent guy. When I was in college, I was so deep in the closet that I was mortified to tell anyone that I was gay. I just came out last year at age 44 - to my wife (yeah, that can happen if you're not honest with yourself) and my Mom. The reverse of your situation. But, like you, it's such a relief - no more deception and lies. Don't worry too much about coming out to your family. You are doing all the right things to accept the truth about who you are. You'll just know when it's right to tell them.
ive done the same as you but over the last few weeks have come out to friends at home aswell, most people have taken it really well although i did get reactions such as "really, you not just joking?" family is something i havent done yet but one step at a time is best i think
FFF, id say your in a good position. Theres no rush, of coarce, but i think your family can take it. After hearing what your parents said (mine said the same thing) trust me, they already know. its hard, true, my coming out to my parents was them basically cornering me and asking me. i definately couldnt deny it because i think men are hot but it was worth it. for me, im glad b/c i dont have to listen to them ask me when im gonna get a girlfriend anymore! actually, my dad just started joking about it with me- just the other day we talking about lady gaga whom i love and he was like "too bad you find dont her attractive!" i was like, "nope- maybe if she were a hot male!" well, i didnt say that but point is its not as bad as u think- its actually rather liberating. and as for your friends, start with the ones who u think can handle it and/or already suspect. its easier that way. then go on and tell the rest. but im kind of a hypocrite b/c i havnt even told all of my friends but they already know so whatever! lol
