Hello everyone, I hope you are well.:icon_bigg. I am not quite sure how I feel about this situation. One thing about me that can be a good thing, depending on the situation has come back tto bite me in the arse. Basically if I am asked a direct question I cannot lie or give an ambiguous answer, my face goes really red and I unconsciously smirk, so it is pretty obvious that I am lying.:icon_redf:icon_sad: You might be asking yourself what my inability to lie has to do with being pulled out of the closet. Since realising that I was LGBTQIA+, I have been doing a lot of research and reading. I ordered the book "I am J" on-line after much deliberation. I hoped that by just adding it to my brothers order it would be relatively inconspicuous. I was wrong. Much to my dismay the order arrived yesterday while I was at school and my brother was home. Of course he opened the delivery and separated my book from his stuff. My mum then read the back of the book and realised that it's main character was transgender. Last night she asked me outright if I was questioning, me being unable to lie had to say yes. To make a very long awkward story short I ended up telling her I was gay and genderfluid. She was okay with me being gay, she seemed to ignore me being genderfluid and told me that she basically couldn't see how someone was bisexual, which kind of hurt me because I had already said that just because I was identifying as gay now doesn't mean that I will always identify as gay. As I enter relationships and get older I might identify as bisexual, or maybe even heterosexual, sexuality is fluid so labels change. I have come out to a few teachers and counsellors but I deliberately didn't want to come out to my family particularly regarding my gender identity until I was more sure and had started to accept it about myself. Since coming out she hasn't mentioned it, which is fine with me. However I not only regret being honest but I am severely judging myself and hating myself because of these parts of me, particularly my gender. I keep telling myself that i am just looking for attention and to just get over it, that I am just sick and confused. I am basically firmly back in denial again. I am sorry that this was such a long and kind of confusing post, I just needed to get it off my chest because I won't be seeing my counsellor until Tuesday and I am worried that keeping this to myself will make my depression really bad again over the weekend, when I am alone. I hope that I haven't said anything to offend anyone, if I have then I am really sorry, it wasn't my intention at all. I also hope that I have posted this in the right section, if not I am truly sorry.
