It is like my life is a light switch... First of all, I am completely in the closet. There are times that being gay and not being able to talk about it really gets to me. I think about it a lot, and fantasize about what it would be like to come out of the closet. However, most of the time I am just caught up in all of the other things in my life that it is like that is not important. It is like that part of me is turned off, but it still nags at me. It is like I can never be whole until I can come to terms with who I am, yet most of the time I am so concerned with everything else that I don't even think about it. Sometimes, during the periods that I do care I try to drop subtle hints to my friends, but they never quite pick up on them. I feel like I cannot move on with my life until I do something, but most of the time I have no will to do it. I hide from who I am by immersing myself in my school work, which seems to be my only source of gratification these days. I just wished that I knew what to do now...
Hello, firstly you made it to this place so you can talk, rant rave or vent as much as you want .We are all here to listen , and to talk to you. Some have completed their path others are just starting or some like me are stuck halfway along. The point is you are not alone, Wall me if you want ,though if you read the posts you'll find that a lot of people other than me :icon_bigg speak good sense here .
Hi there! Actually, it is an important part of you. If it starts getting to you and you think about it a lot, and what would it be like to be out, maybe something inside of you is trying to tell you something. Given that you are so busy with other things you are able (to use your words) to switch it off. But remember that you can only do this for so long before the feelings come back, and perhaps become even stronger. It seems that you are fighting two battles as it were. One battle is trying to be yourself and dropping subtle hints, while the other battle is perhaps trying to over come your fears and finding the courage to take that first step in cracking the closet door open. Maybe now would be a good time to ask yourself: "Have I accepted who who I am"? and "Am I ready to come out"? If the answer to the first question is a definite yes and you can stand in front of the mirror and say out loud "I am gay" then ask yourself the second question. While asking yourself that, and you realize that you are not ready to take that step, that's totally fine. Take a deep breath and try again at a later date. If on the other hand, you feel that you are ready to take that step, try thinking about your friends, and to whom you could come out to first. Sometimes, having an idea as to who would be a good person to confide in can help us in overcoming some of the fears and worries. But again, take your time, and only move forward when you feel ready. Give it some thought and see where this leads you.
Well Done! You've made it to Empty Closets! It's great for support here. Coming out requires lots of thought and lots of soul-searching. You're well on the way. Pick those days you feel like making a difference and do something with them. Write them an email or a letter. Get your feelings out. Maybe not in public, but definitely out. A journal is good if you're that kind of person. Friends never seem to pick up on if you're gay. Most of my friends never expected, but I told them anyway. I find it much harder to tell it to people's faces but it's now on my Facebook and I will tell them that I'm gay if anyone asks.
Don't despair, guy. In due time things will become easier. I was and sometimes am in your position and I'm cheerful and laughing on the outside and killing myself to smithereens on the inside. The pain will get worse and then just roll over. Things will end up working out.
