I was so scared. Really. My studies in medicine started this year and I'll have to spent the next 6 years with all of the guys in my Study group and year... It is hard to come out to them because well... What if they reject me? what if I find no one who is down to accepting me and so on... It would be quite lonely... Well... I am still so amazed about how everything worked out and yeah... I definitely have to share it. If not here, where else??? I was at a house party, some people just moved into their flat and celebrated that with a lot of alcohol and stuff like that... I just turned 18 this week and they wanted to get me drunk a little - so we played 'never have I ever' and every time our experience didn't fit to the presented sentence we had to drink... They questions got quite... Personal... after a while but I managed to maneuver around every kind of revealing situation... As I stood in front of the loo a friend came along and smiled at me. 'you are not that into guys, are you?' I was a little shocked... 'Umm... Why?' - 'Darling, be honest. You can be honest with me.' And i thought it through for some time... Well I was a little drunk so I replied 'It really depends...' after a single Eyebrow lifted questioningly i added 'well... If you wanna know... I am bisexual.' And i was prepared for any reaction but not the smile on his face. He smiled from cheek to cheek, put his cup onto a sideboard and hugged me. 'I knew it, darling.' and well... I nearly cried, because he was so sweet. Later on the balcony he asked whether I would come along to a special club today - featuring a Chippendales tribute show... And no, I really didn't want to tag along... Not my kind of thing. The other boys on the balcony looked a little amused, the one next to me asked why not... I explained and he thought it through for a moment... 'Dear, why not? They are pretty...' 'Well... I don't know... Maybe I've got better things to do... Sleep... Eat...' 'But are you in a relationship?' 'Yes, my partner (somehow gender neutral term in German) wouldn't be that happy either... I guess...' Someone looked at me and asked - after a little thought - 'why do you always use that term? Why not boyfriend?' and maybe it was the alcohol, maybe the situation in front of the loo, maybe the general need to be honest with the people I like and know for a few moths now... 'It wouldn't be fitting, I guess. Lisa isn't exactly a boyfriend... I am in a lesbian relationship currently.' The boys looked at me. The one next to me hugged me, the other one affirmed that I had the biggest balls ever, and a third one just frowned a little... Truly scared of his reaction I asked, what he thought... 'I wont congratulate. I won't hug you. I wont celebrate you for that because that would imply it was abnormal. It was wrong or not natural or whatever... you are amazing and your girlfriend has a lot of luck with you! Stay strong darling and never let anyone bring you down...' Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks, they hugged me and we stood there, out in the cold for a while, discussing LGBT* politics and issues... I feel a lot lighter now. I am happy. Genuinely happy with who i am and with the people around me and I guess thats how it should be... Just wanted to share this because I was so terribly scared and in the end it all worked out amazingly well. Stay strong and stay proud! Mary
