1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

This is part of my story...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by marcadams23, Apr 4, 2016.

  1. marcadams23

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi there,

    I'm relatively new to EC, but figured I'd share my most recent experience. I hope that someone out there has some advice for me, and also I hope that I'm able to help someone out there who is struggling, I know just how tough it can be...

    A bit about me, I'm a 23 year old male. I've known I was into guys since I was a late teenager. I ignored and denied this for a really really long time until one new years eve (when I was 21) my secret new years resolution would be to finally experiment that year. Eventually I worked up the courage to do it. It was tough to get there and I remember not even enjoying it at first because of how nervous I was. Anyway, this isn't about my sexual experiences but rather my self acceptance and coming out. I'm not sure if I'd say I'm 100% gay since I've had enjoyable sexual experiences in the past with woman, however, definitely I am more into guys than I am girls. (Perhaps 85% guys, 15% girls). Being into guys, watching gay porn, etc. was always my secret and if you were to tell my younger self a few years ago that I would finally work up the courage to tell some of my friends and a few members of my family I would have told you no way!

    There were times in my life when I was super depressed. You see, my uncle is gay and my father has always struggled to come to terms with it. Perhaps he is old fashioned, but he has always been somewhat homophobic, whether its intentional or just his nature. He's a lovely man don't get me wrong but for some reason he's just not particularly liberal. This has resulted in me keeping my secret even more of a secret. I went through some dark times. I used to tell myself what I was feeling was the same as everyone else, that it's just a phase and even wished my feelings would go away. So anyone that is currently in this dark point of their life, I wish I could help you. I guess you have to figure everything out for yourself and denying who you are is part of the process of finally figuring it out. I know the journey is hard but the destination is unreal!

    Lets cut to the chase.. Pretty much, about a year ago I met someone really special.. I love him and he means the world to me. And since meeting him I decided I needed to come out. At first I told 3 of my best friends (all of which were super shocked, but just want me to be happy and are totally supportive), but what I want to share with you all is how I told my sister.

    You see, I'd lost count of the number of nights I'd lay in my bed deliberating whether or not to work up the courage to just walk into my sisters room and tell her. She's my sister, surely she'll love me no matter what. However, my fear and nerves always got the better of me.

    My sister now lives overseas and a few weeks ago I finally worked up the courage to tell her. This youtube link helped me so much https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_nMHDA-lFk if this guys sister could accept him surely mine could to..

    So this is how it went. My sister called me on FaceTime as if everything was normal... She even mentioned to me that she had met a new girl at a bar who was the perfect girl for me. Obviously I never reacted how she expected as I had this massive bombshell I was about to drop, and this was the perfect opportunity. I finally worked up the courage and said to her I have something I need to tell her. Eventually I told her, that the reason I'd never had a serious girlfriend, was because I liked guys and she replied "That's ok". We both cried, me more than her but you don't understand how good it feels for her to finally know, and for her to support me no matter what. I can barely express my happiness. We discussed it for hours, she had a lot of questions for me and I was happy to answer everything she had to ask knowing she was going to support me no matter what. We spoke for about 3 hours.

    After we hung up the phone, I sat in my room by self and couldn't believe what had just happened. I was overwhelmed and the tears started pouring down my face. I could not believe that I had finally let my sister into my secret world. This was the happiest I had ever been and I began to sobbed. I ended up, crawled in a ball on my bed hysterically crying, I could not believe this moment had finally come. (Dramatic I know but this actually happened). My sister and I are closer than ever right now. She even told me she would come back from living overseas to be with me when and if I decide to tell my parents.

    Anyway,

    I always tell my "boyfriend" that being gay is the worse thing in the world... Up until you meet someone special who absolutely blows your mind away. (I'm sorry if this offended anyone but this is a reflection of my personal struggles).

    What advice can I give... Hold on I guess? It gets better and you're not alone. Times are tough and I know that sometimes you feel like you're going to implode, but seriously, just hold on there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I finally know what it means when people say that they're jealous of themselves.. My life has meaning now and I can finally say that I am genuinely happy.

    To the boy who changed my life, you don't even know that I'm writing this and if you ever stumble across it you probably won't even know that I'm speaking about you.. But I want you to know just how special you are, for putting up with all my shit, with all the secrets and all the insecurities. You literally saved my life. You gave me oxygen when I was drowning. You are the reason I enjoy waking up and I never thought, in my darkest time that I would ever find anyone like you or that I even deserved to find anyone like you.. You make me so happy and you've changed my entire life.