Dads. - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

21st Feb 2009, 05:07 PM

I don't know wheather it's me or just dads, But I think Bi/Gay/Transgender/Pansexual and any other sexuality..people...(?) (sorry about grammar) But i think we try to stear away from telling dads and just letting mums know, I feared about how dad would take it, it wasn't actually that bad

, mind you, i sort of left a note by the bed saying...he's very...lazy

, might not of read it, anyway, how do you feel about telling dads (and mums, But Dads mostly

)

Ta.

James

DexterMorgan · 21st Feb 2009, 05:10 PM

I haven't told my dad yet. I don't think I need to. For over a decade, he hasn't been in my life. I started talking to him when I was about 13, and even after that we barely know each other. He's in and out of rehab, too. I totally would tell him if I knew him better, but I just can't see it happening now.

littledinosaurs · 21st Feb 2009, 05:20 PM

Um i didn't do a formal coming out but my dad is more chill/less awkward about it.

stilsurchin · 21st Feb 2009, 05:32 PM

OK, Emorawz. I'm 57, probably old enough to be your grandad, but I'm a dad, so go ahead and tell me as if I was your dad and then I'll respond....

21st Feb 2009, 05:48 PM

I personally disowned my father but he wouldn't have cared anymore than my mother.

Jonah 4 · 21st Feb 2009, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emorawz

I don't know wheather it's me or just dads, But I think Bi/Gay/Transgender/Pansexual and any other sexuality..people...(?) (sorry about grammar) But i think we try to stear away from telling dads and just letting mums know, I feared about how dad would take it, it wasn't actually that bad

, mind you, i sort of left a note by the bed saying...he's very...lazy

, might not of read it, anyway, how do you feel about telling dads (and mums, But Dads mostly

)

Ta.

James

Yeah, I think its probably socio-psychological. But, I haven't come out to my dad yet either - even though I came out to my mom and even grandmother. That said, I'm going to tell my dad over spring break(though itll be a more of a "I'm actually going to live as a gay man" coming out rather than "I'm gay" sorta thing)

21st Feb 2009, 06:29 PM

I think most people who have issues coming out to their fathers usually have confrontational fathers or live beneath a sociological barrier--but I also think the people who have the most problematic dilemma happen to be males. I think its a measurement thing between guys. A son is always 'supposed' to exceed the father and homosexuality can be thought of as a supreme failure. That's my opinion.

Mickey · 21st Feb 2009, 09:06 PM

I agree that's it's harder coming out to your dad,when you're a guy.
Years ago,when I came out,my father said,"I can accept it 'cause you're my daughter,but if you were my son,I'd kick your ass!" At the time,I was just glad he accepted me...and that I was a girl!

ArcusPravus · 21st Feb 2009, 11:00 PM

I actually had a harder time with my mom knowing. I had no idea how my parents would react when i told them. Well I knew, but i couldn't envision any scenario except worse case ones. In all of those my parents would only be merely disappointed, which was a quite devestating prospect but not a worst possible coming out. However, my mom has this ability to sear through someones soul with nothing more than a glance. IT is entirly disarming and horrible to experiece, like pure malice being syphoned in a beam towards you. (Not to say my mom uses it often, I've only seen it on rare occasion and never directed at myself.) It was the worst case where going home meant having that look from her everytime that scared me most. I would be hurt with non-acceptance or disappointment from my dad, but the look of disappointment was far better than that look.

Stuie · 21st Feb 2009, 11:10 PM

My dad is more comfortable with it than my mum actually. I think it's because he has a few gay friends and he's generally pretty liberal-minded. One of his best friends just came out and there's a whole messy divorce going on, but yeah.

limfjord96 · 21st Feb 2009, 11:16 PM

i havent told either of them, but i know my mom wont care, and i have no clue about my dad, i suspect he wont care as he has four other sons and a grip of grand kids. And u gave him many years of sports glory and all the father son stereotypes, besides im younger, quicker, faster, smarter and more fit then him, so i would just force him to be ok...lol

OneHatMadder · 22nd Feb 2009, 02:48 AM

I told my Dad first.
I never told my mum, my sister did.
My mum started yelling at me saying:
"Why didn't you tell me first?!"
Hahaha.

Janvier · 22nd Feb 2009, 03:27 AM

I was kinda stressed out, my mother was terrified, she didn't want me to tell him without her by my side.
Then, my father was talking about my (ex)girlfriend so I told him it was over and I'm into guys actually. He was like 'meh, your choice' so that was cool

My friend came out to his parents too but his mother disowned him and his very very very very masculine father completely accepts him. Weird.

ColdSnap · 22nd Feb 2009, 03:35 AM

yeah i let my mum take care of that one, mind you i'm not that close with my dad, you know it's not like i even tell him what i've done in my day so why tell him who i'm sleeping with :/

xXHolic · 22nd Feb 2009, 03:51 AM

my dad is really great! I told him "if I feel a connection with another person, I don't care about his sex and his age, we can have something more" and the only thing he told me was "be carefoul about the age thing" lol! his girlfriend has some gay friends so he is really openminder
on the other hand, my mom just tries to convince me I'm not bi.. it is like
me:"mom, im bisex"
mom:"no you are not"
me:"what do you mean"
mom:"I know you arent. you are just confused. you will get over it"
me:"ooookkk.."

in my case, I think my dad's reaction is admirable!

hiddendc4 · 22nd Feb 2009, 04:20 AM

i think the hardest coming out is going to be to my dad and thats only cause we are really close, i think that if i told him im bi/gay and he practically dosowns me that it would hurt even more than living a lie around him, although i dont really think that will be the case since one of my brother's best freinds is gay and my dad seems to be cool with it

premiumheart · 22nd Feb 2009, 06:42 AM

I haven't told my dad yet. But apparently, he and my mom already had the talk about what they'd do "if I was gay". And from what she said, he'd be very supportive. I plan to tell him soon since we're really close and I don't want him left in the dark.

But yeah, I think that we sorta really tell moms first because they're the caring ones in the family. The dad's usually the stricter one who expects a lot from us and whatnot. It's defo psychological.

**Filip** · 22nd Feb 2009, 09:09 AM

My dad sadly passed away a few years ago, so it's a moot point. But I think he would have been okay with it more than my mom. My mom would probably be okay with it eventually, but I think my dad would have immediately accepted it.

I find the idea of him not being around to calm down my mother makes it harder to come out...

kramer362 · 23rd Feb 2009, 07:18 AM

I don't plan on ever coming out to my dad. He's highly religious and for some reason I always remember him being pretty passionate about thinking homosexuality is an immoral choice. I'm not sure what made him that way but it's not worth the drama or stress it would put me under since I only talk to him 2-3 times per year anyway, even though he lives 5 minutes away.

LyraLissa · 23rd Feb 2009, 08:38 AM

My dad was a ray of sunshine about it- it was my mom I was and still am concerned about..
Probably 'cause I'm a girl, though. I think she has trouble understanding it because I'm supposed to grow up just like she did... and I'm not.
~Lyra

21st Feb 2009, 05:07 PM	#1
Crackajack Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Dads. I don't know wheather it's me or just dads, But I think Bi/Gay/Transgender/Pansexual and any other sexuality..people...(?) (sorry about grammar) But i think we try to stear away from telling dads and just letting mums know, I feared about how dad would take it, it wasn't actually that bad , mind you, i sort of left a note by the bed saying...he's very...lazy , might not of read it, anyway, how do you feel about telling dads (and mums, But Dads mostly ) Ta. James

21st Feb 2009, 05:10 PM	#2
DexterMorgan The Lonely Stoner Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Santa Monica, CA, USA Age: 19 Posts: 657 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Dads. I haven't told my dad yet. I don't think I need to. For over a decade, he hasn't been in my life. I started talking to him when I was about 13, and even after that we barely know each other. He's in and out of rehab, too. I totally would tell him if I knew him better, but I just can't see it happening now. __________________ Closets are for clothes; not me.

21st Feb 2009, 05:20 PM	#3
littledinosaurs J'essaie de Parler Français! :] Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: Bisexuel Location: Nouvelle-Angleterre. Age: 22 Posts: 2,351 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: Dads. Um i didn't do a formal coming out but my dad is more chill/less awkward about it. __________________ Âllo Là

21st Feb 2009, 05:32 PM	#4
stilsurchin No Longer A Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: A few people Location: British Columbia Age: 61 Posts: 240 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Dads. OK, Emorawz. I'm 57, probably old enough to be your grandad, but I'm a dad, so go ahead and tell me as if I was your dad and then I'll respond....

21st Feb 2009, 05:48 PM	#5
The Enigma Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Re: Dads. I personally disowned my father but he wouldn't have cared anymore than my mother.

21st Feb 2009, 06:29 PM	#7
The Enigma Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Re: Dads. I think most people who have issues coming out to their fathers usually have confrontational fathers or live beneath a sociological barrier--but I also think the people who have the most problematic dilemma happen to be males. I think its a measurement thing between guys. A son is always 'supposed' to exceed the father and homosexuality can be thought of as a supreme failure. That's my opinion.

21st Feb 2009, 09:06 PM	#8
Mickey Older and bolder! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Massachusetts Age: 51 Posts: 1,774 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Dads. I agree that's it's harder coming out to your dad,when you're a guy. Years ago,when I came out,my father said,"I can accept it 'cause you're my daughter,but if you were my son,I'd kick your ass!" At the time,I was just glad he accepted me...and that I was a girl! __________________ We don't choose to be gay...we're CHOSEN!

21st Feb 2009, 11:00 PM	#9
ArcusPravus Well Known Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to anyone that asks or reads facebook Location: Bensalem, PA Age: 27 Posts: 192 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: Dads. I actually had a harder time with my mom knowing. I had no idea how my parents would react when i told them. Well I knew, but i couldn't envision any scenario except worse case ones. In all of those my parents would only be merely disappointed, which was a quite devestating prospect but not a worst possible coming out. However, my mom has this ability to sear through someones soul with nothing more than a glance. IT is entirly disarming and horrible to experiece, like pure malice being syphoned in a beam towards you. (Not to say my mom uses it often, I've only seen it on rare occasion and never directed at myself.) It was the worst case where going home meant having that look from her everytime that scared me most. I would be hurt with non-acceptance or disappointment from my dad, but the look of disappointment was far better than that look.

21st Feb 2009, 11:10 PM	#10
Stuie Hugs - $POA Full Member Gender: e^(πi) +1 = 0 Orientation: Schnoo Out Status: Moo Cow Location: Canberra, Australia Age: 20 Posts: 1,463 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Dads. My dad is more comfortable with it than my mum actually. I think it's because he has a few gay friends and he's generally pretty liberal-minded. One of his best friends just came out and there's a whole messy divorce going on, but yeah. __________________ STRAAAAAAAAAAAWURUWERT AND THE LESBIANS! MADDATRON3000X's (Maddy) Fag Hag Loves Pauline in the form of the equation f(x): (-∞,2) -> R, 2^-x

21st Feb 2009, 11:16 PM	#11
limfjord96 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Pretty Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: San Diego Age: 31 Posts: 442 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Dads. i havent told either of them, but i know my mom wont care, and i have no clue about my dad, i suspect he wont care as he has four other sons and a grip of grand kids. And u gave him many years of sports glory and all the father son stereotypes, besides im younger, quicker, faster, smarter and more fit then him, so i would just force him to be ok...lol __________________ Shake off this sadness, and recover your spirit, sluggish you will never see the wheel of fate that brushes your heel as it turns going by, the man who wants to live is the man in whom life is abundant. -Miguel De Una Muvico

22nd Feb 2009, 02:48 AM	#12
OneHatMadder When You're Good To Mama... Full Member Gender: Boy/Drag Queen Orientation: Gayer than Christmas. Out Status: Out? Darling, I was never IN! Location: Ministry of Love, New Zealand Age: 22 Posts: 1,976 Join Date: Dec 2007 Tournaments Won: 4	Re: Dads. I told my Dad first. I never told my mum, my sister did. My mum started yelling at me saying: "Why didn't you tell me first?!" Hahaha. __________________ Call me Mama I dislike Gaga and hate Glee. Does this mean I lose my gay licence?

22nd Feb 2009, 03:27 AM	#13
Janvier يَناير Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: France Age: 23 Posts: 849 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Dads. I was kinda stressed out, my mother was terrified, she didn't want me to tell him without her by my side. Then, my father was talking about my (ex)girlfriend so I told him it was over and I'm into guys actually. He was like 'meh, your choice' so that was cool My friend came out to his parents too but his mother disowned him and his very very very very masculine father completely accepts him. Weird. __________________ Uncertainty excites me.

22nd Feb 2009, 03:35 AM	#14
ColdSnap The easily corrupted ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Boy Botherer Out Status: Out to everyone Location: C-diff - Wales Age: 23 Posts: 343 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Dads. yeah i let my mum take care of that one, mind you i'm not that close with my dad, you know it's not like i even tell him what i've done in my day so why tell him who i'm sleeping with :/

22nd Feb 2009, 03:51 AM	#15
xXHolic Κοίταξέ με δυο φορές.. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: though was bi, but something has changed =/ Out Status: 99.9% Location: Athens, Greece Posts: 368 Join Date: Jan 2009	Re: Dads. my dad is really great! I told him "if I feel a connection with another person, I don't care about his sex and his age, we can have something more" and the only thing he told me was "be carefoul about the age thing" lol! his girlfriend has some gay friends so he is really openminder on the other hand, my mom just tries to convince me I'm not bi.. it is like me:"mom, im bisex" mom:"no you are not" me:"what do you mean" mom:"I know you arent. you are just confused. you will get over it" me:"ooookkk.." in my case, I think my dad's reaction is admirable! __________________ all the birds shall sing at dawn, blessed and wet with joy. you and i will meet one day, under the night sky lit by soft black stars.

22nd Feb 2009, 04:20 AM	#16
hiddendc4 Got Honda??? Full Member Gender: what's this funny looking thing between my legs? Orientation: Does it even really matter anymore? Out Status: Family: 1! Friends: 5(ish) Location: Sunny So. Cal. Posts: 312 Join Date: Jan 2009	Re: Dads. i think the hardest coming out is going to be to my dad and thats only cause we are really close, i think that if i told him im bi/gay and he practically dosowns me that it would hurt even more than living a lie around him, although i dont really think that will be the case since one of my brother's best freinds is gay and my dad seems to be cool with it

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22nd Feb 2009, 06:42 AM	#17
premiumheart Boy Next Door Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: I like guys. And maybe girls, too. Out Status: My parents, my sister, and a cousin... Location: Philippines Age: 23 Posts: 71 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Dads. I haven't told my dad yet. But apparently, he and my mom already had the talk about what they'd do "if I was gay". And from what she said, he'd be very supportive. I plan to tell him soon since we're really close and I don't want him left in the dark. But yeah, I think that we sorta really tell moms first because they're the caring ones in the family. The dad's usually the stricter one who expects a lot from us and whatnot. It's defo psychological. __________________ "Beneath the million stars there's no need to pretend... I look around tonight and wonder why we can't end... The best kept secret..." ~Bare~

22nd Feb 2009, 09:09 AM	#18
Filip Cecile's sidekick EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but extended family Location: Belgium, EU Age: 29 Posts: 3,696 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Dads. My dad sadly passed away a few years ago, so it's a moot point. But I think he would have been okay with it more than my mom. My mom would probably be okay with it eventually, but I think my dad would have immediately accepted it. I find the idea of him not being around to calm down my mother makes it harder to come out...

23rd Feb 2009, 07:18 AM	#19
kramer362 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: western new york Age: 27 Posts: 402 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Dads. I don't plan on ever coming out to my dad. He's highly religious and for some reason I always remember him being pretty passionate about thinking homosexuality is an immoral choice. I'm not sure what made him that way but it's not worth the drama or stress it would put me under since I only talk to him 2-3 times per year anyway, even though he lives 5 minutes away.

23rd Feb 2009, 08:38 AM	#20
LyraLissa Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Flamboyantly Lesbian Out Status: Even the polar bears got the memo. Location: The frozen north Age: 19 Posts: 65 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Dads. My dad was a ray of sunshine about it- it was my mom I was and still am concerned about.. Probably 'cause I'm a girl, though. I think she has trouble understanding it because I'm supposed to grow up just like she did... and I'm not. ~Lyra __________________ If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work. 'Hello, can't work today. Still queer.'