A couple of weeks ago my male friend of 11 years asked me if I wanted to hang out. I said yes and decided that I would come out to him then. However when I got to his house I decided against it. At one point in the day we were sitting on his sofa and he asked me if I had any secrets. I freaked out a little internally because I thought he suspected I was gay, but instead he told me that he has a crush on me. I was a little taken aback but not surprised. Then, because he had been honest with me I told him that I liked girls. He was surprised but he took it better than I thought he would. I know his mum is quite homophobic. Several jokes about tacos ensued. So it was all good, but now I've found that our relationship has changed. Whenever we're alone together he brings up my sexuality and it seems that we can't just have a laugh any more. I appreciate he's upset about me rejecting him and I suppose he's being supportive, which I'm grateful for, but I just want to be normal, happy friends. He also promised not to tell anyone but he ended up telling his piano teacher confidentially. I don't blame him for wanting to get it off his chest but I do feel a little annoyed. I kind of regret telling him now. I'd told one other friend and nothing changed there- I'd felt liberated and if anything our friendship improved. But it's not the same this time. Sorry if that was a bit rambly, I just wanted to get it out there. Overall I am really grateful that he responded positively. I know I have it really easy compared to some others.
If you have been friends with him for 11 years, I imagine you are able to talk to him without holding back too much, so I would just tell him what you have told us here. When we first come out to people it can take a while for them to adjust to the idea, and during that time they may ask lots of questions and focus on the issue more than we might wish to ourselves, but you shouldn't be afraid to politely and reasonably say that it's too intense. Looking at it from your friends perspective, he probably thinks you'll welcome him showing an added interest at this time and maybe he is trying a bit too hard to demonstrate positive acceptance. Just tell him to cool it... in a nice way.
