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I came out and want to go back in. :(

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Rainbow, Mar 4, 2009.

  1. Rainbow

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    Today in school my friend Jackie was saying something about if it was possible to not like either gender. She also was saying something about a famous singer probably being gay. I thought that was hints that she wanted me to tell her if I am a lesbian. But I guess not. Today we were going to hang out after school so I texted her in the school parking lot and said "I dont like boys...". I said it today cause I figure I can show her I am still me and have not changed. I could not keep this secret inside anymore. Jackie was with my other good friend Jen in Jackies car and I was in mine. I figure if I tell Jackie then she will have some time to think and talk about it with someone and I couldn't tell her in person. So we are still in the parking lot in our cars waiting for the buses to go and she writes back "So what are you trying to tell me? Your coming out of the closet?". I wrote back "haha uhh mhm :icon_redf ". And then we went out to eat and I just couldnt mention it. Then we went to the mall and shopped some. I went into Spencers and was looking at keychains and I was like I want the rainbow one. And she was like get it. So I thought she understood and was trying to be supportive. I didnt end up getting it cause it was kind of big and I dont want other people knowing yet. Anyway right before we got in our cars to leave I said to her "dont tell anyone else about the text I sent you before". Jen says something like "O your bringing this up now?" And Jackie was kind of confused as to what I was talking about. So I was like read your texts. Then a few minutes later when I got to a light I text her and say "I dont like boys. I like girls." She doesnt reply and then I say "Do you understand what I am trying to tell you?" So a few min later she replys "Ill talk to you later." So we had a text convo and she doenst think I am a lesbian. Cause Ive always said how I want a boyfriend and dont have one. So she just thinks that Im saying it cause I cant get a boyfriend. I replied and said I kind of been lieing about that and how Id rather be with a girl. So in the store with the keychains there were also posters and some were kind of bad. We were looking at them and one was of 2 girls making out. So I tell her Id rather look at that poster then look at a guy. And she was like "well I sometimes think girls are hot but it doesnt mean I want to do anything and you should just keep your options open." I said "if I do find the the right guy Ill go out with him to see" because I have never done anything before with anyone so I should just see I guess if a guy does ask me out. I tried telling her how I dont want to do anything with a guy. I just feel bad cause she is my best friend and I mean I feel like we are so different now. So this is kind of confusing I guess. I hope you understand what I mean. I guess my friend just thinks I need a boyfriend and Ill be straight. How do I get her to understand that prob wont happen without going into alot of sex details... I guess thats what I mean.
    So 2 people know now. I havent talked to Jen about it. She just knows through Jackie but thats how I wanted it.
    I dont know why I came out. I shoulda stayed in. :frowning2:.
    Im scared of seeing people tomorrow.
     
  2. tazz

    tazz Guest

    If I was in your position I just wouldn't bring it up, she's eventually going to get the point when she see's you starting up & down other girls. Maybe she finds it a little overwhelming and hasn't quite grasped it, she probably finds it a little difficult to believe (and I can't blame her considering you've admitted to saying you were looking for a boyfriend, even if it was just a lie)

    I'd give it some time, she'll eventually get the point...and besides, our sexuality shouldn't even be a big deal, unfortunately society has made it that way so I guess we just have to roll with the punches
     
  3. Bryan44

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    I dont think you should try to convince her that your telling her the truth. You can show her better than you can tell her. When she sees that you end up with a girl rather than a guy she will know. lol

    Dont sweat it, like Tazz said dont bring it back up. She will get the point eventually. Its really a conversation that is not even worth the effort..she obviously thinks your going through some kind of phase.

    However, it was real brave of you to try telling her!
     
  4. Rainbow

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    How can I show her. Im not out to anyone else. I dont find anyone of the lesbians at my school that attractive. I am going to college next year so I hope to meet someone there.
    I am just so confused right now. I wish I could experiment.
    OOO and I really dont want her thinking that I like her in that way. I mean she is my best friend and I dont like her that way and never have. I like more tomboyish girls lol.
     
  5. Alex19

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    seriously- when u end up with a chick, theyll get the picture. i dont know why some ppl react like that... well, they need time to process and theyll come around.
     
  6. tazz

    tazz Guest

    Well, to answer your first question of "How can I show her" - To be honest, you don't really have to...you already told her. When she eventually gets the idea that you are in fact a lesbian if she acts surprised you could always say "I did tell you, you just didn't believe me, not my fault :wink:"

    And your second question regarding your fear of having her think you like her in that way, I'd recommend not doing anything that would give off sexual innuendo...just treat her as you'd treat anyone else. I wouldn't say things like "ooo I think you look very pretty today" - even if you weren't suggesting anything based on your coming out she may take it another way.
     
  7. silverhalo

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    Hey im sure it will be alright, it probably just came as a bit of a shock to her so it probably hasnt sunk in. Im sure once she has she will understand.
    I totally understand where you are coming from all of my friends bar one think I like boys because I thought I did and because if they start a conversation about boys I feel compelled to join in because otherwise they will want to know why im not joining in and I cant tell them all not yet.
    I also understand about your fear that she will think you like her, I have that fear too, but I think once you have both got used to the fact she knows it will be fine.
    If you want to talk about it some more you can post on my wall or pm me, I would be happy to talk about it some more. (*hug*)
     
  8. stilsurchin

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    I think there is a tendency, sometimes when coming out to ourselves, that we jump the gun before we fully process inside what we have just done. It takes time to understand who the new us is and to adjust not only to accepting that 'new you' but to be comfortable in living with it also.

    You are in a hurry to experiment but don't let the cart get ahead of the horse. Take your time. You're going to college next year and a whole new world will open before you. It is as distant from high school as the earth to the sun and you will enter a large and diverse population....be patient, the paint isn't dry yet.

    As far as your friends go, it is not your job to convince them of your revelation. It is for them to process and accept it and with time they will either accept, reject or ignore. With each step your experience in life and people grows, you are young. Some things will become more apparent, some won't...it's simply life as we know it....good luck in your walk and walk Proud.....Keith
     
  9. carrie90

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    is that your gf or just a friend in your avatar?
     
  10. jangel

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    If she is truly your best friend I hope she will step up the the plate and accept you. Keep an open mind as it sounds like you are not completely sure yourself. It is a really scary thing coming out and I am so proud of you for taking the first step. When you get a chance to talk alone tell her that you don't look at your straight friends that way you only look at other girls who you think are gay. That you don't want anything to change between you and you need her to help you and be supportive. You don't have to label yourself just tell people you are open minded and since you are not in love how can you say who you will fall in love with (if you really are unsure). Sweetie this is a very scary thing and most of us have been through it but it will be ok , the people who are your true friends will stand by you and the others..well do you really want them to be your friends. As for me College was a whole new experience and people are so much more accepting and you will continue to blossom no mater who you choose to love. Best of luck feel free to write on my wall -Jen
     
  11. Maddy

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    I gave you a couple of suggestions the other day, but I thought I'd try putting them into a letter form, if you think giving her a letter as I suggested would help. Feel free to use this or any parts of it, and remember you're always free to PM me if you need one-on-one advice.

    "Dear -friend's name-
    I understand that you're probably feeling kind of awkward about what I told you the other day about my sexuality. It's difficult for me to talk about it myself, and I've had a much longer time than you have to come to terms with it. I'd really like to tell you some things about what I've been thinking and feeling, though, and I hope you'll think them over, just to get a better idea of how I know this and why I'm telling you.

    My coming out might seem very sudden to you, like something that's just popped into my head and I've just blurted out as it comes to mind, but my sexuality isn't something new or fleeting. It's something I've been thinking about and trying to figure out for a long time now. In the past, I've talked about boys and wanting a boyfriend as an attempt to hide the confusion I felt about my sexuality. I wasn't ready for anyone to know. You are the first friend I've told about this, and the reason I've told you is that I felt like you could be helpful and supportive of me - this is a pretty complicated time of my life. (Not because I'm attracted to you, because I'm not, so don't worry, I won't start hitting on you or anything :slight_smile:)

    I know that I like girls, and your challenging this fact isn't going to change it. Like I said before, I understand that it seems very sudden to you, and it might be easier for you to believe that I'm just 'going through a phase', but I know that I'm not. I guess there's no way to convince you of this, but I know that it's true, and I'd like you to think about what I'm saying here."
     
    #11 Maddy, Mar 6, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2009