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Wanting To Come Out But It's Complex

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by mvp 447, Jun 25, 2016.

  1. mvp 447

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Tampa Bay, FL
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I came out to my wife as bi recently and she's been great overall. I've had protected encounters w men, with her blessing obviously. The prob is that she won't allow me to tell anyone except my immediate family which I refuse to do without talking to other people I know first. This is her stance because she's sure everyone will assume she's a dumb bitch, in a sham marriage. I told her one, prob not true and two, who cares what people think! That's why i wanted to kill myself for a long time, don't care!

    I'd really love it if some people would post her to kind of share similar experiences and prove her wrong.

    Thanks!
     
    #1 mvp 447, Jun 25, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2016
  2. AriKari

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Other people's feelings shouldn't come before her marriage and your feelings. I don't believe she should have control over who you tell, but it's your decision to give her that control or not.
     
  3. mvp 447

    Regular Member

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    Bisexual
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    Out to everyone
    She insists she won't allow me to say anything despite knowing this is the very thing that bothered me the MOST since childhood. Having to love in extreme fear for years, I lived in a very bigoted state to put it mildly, she says yeah, deal with it until you die. And she's making out me as the bad guy? It extremely angers me, it really does. She has been very flexible in ways, yes, I understand, I do, but with ZERO REGARD about what would hurt me the very most, her petty and topical feelings take over them.
     
  4. PrivateLeigh

    Regular Member

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    Questioning
    Your wife obviously cares a great deal about what people will think. She's willing for family to know, so maybe start by telling someone you trust in your family? Test the water first by bringing up the topic of homosexuality with someone you trust and go from there. Maybe she wants to deal with what family members think first? I would personally find it easier to let close friends know first and deal with family last, but I can't possibly know how your wife is feeling or thinking.
    She sounds amazing though! I hope you realise how truly lucky you are that she has been as supportive as she is. Just be patient. It'll take time.
     
  5. mvp 447

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Going to get therapy soon. It's caused me an immense amount of conflict etc, but I've been with two men, told a lot of people I know/trust and feel okay right now. I'm sure I'm not gay and our marriage is in a good place, which means the most to me. It's hard to explain to a "normal" person that you'd like to bang your wife while sucking a big cock but it's not really so uncommon, people are just effing dishonest and ashamed.

    At least I have the balls to own my feelings.