I realized that I was gay back in the seventh grade. I remember the first thing I thought: "Ohhh, shit." Over the next three years, I became more and more comfortable with myself. Then the guy that I had and still have a crush on came out. That was during my sophomore year. I made a personal vow to come out of the closet during my junior year because it seemed as if that was the same thing that everyone else was doing. The day that I decided to come out was October...16, 2009? It's not that important. National Coming Out Day was two days later. So anyway, the first person that I came out to was a good friend of mine who had always suspected me. He had said during sophomore year that he was sure that I would come out before I graduated. On that day, I walked up to him during lunch and said, rather cryptically, "You were right." Of course, he had no idea what I was talking about, and by the time I had finished explaining, two more people knew. One of those people was a girl who helped me through about 40% of my coming out process. She had been through this before with her now-college-sophomore brother. The guy who had suspected me told me that I should probably tell my parents before they "find out from somebody else. They'll probably get pissed off if that happens." That afternoon, I came home. I spent about ten minutes pacing in the kitchen. My heart was racing. Finally, I overcame my fear and walked upstairs. I will forever remember the following conversation. It helps me to write it as I would a script: Taylor: Mom? Mom: Yeah, honey? Taylor: Can I talk to you? Mom: Uh-oh. What's wrong. Taylor: Nothing's wrong. I just...Well, we migh...OK, I've got something to tell you, and I know that you're more liberal about this than Dad, but...ummm (And here the floodgates flew open.) I'm gay. Mom:...Wow. Are you sure? Taylor (VERY shaky): Pre-pretty su-s-sure. Mom: Oh, God, you're shaking. (Hugs me.) After that, my mom expressly forbid me to come out to my friends, out of "fear for my life". However, two days later, I broke her rule (Remember that this is National Coming Out Day now) by coming out to that guy that I had a crush on, and six other people. That afternoon, my mom forced me to come out to my father. That conversation was less nerve-wracking after I discovered that my dad is actually much more lenient about my decisions to come out when and to whom I choose. Is my mother being irrational? Should I have the right to come out as I please? She has threatened to force me to change schools if I come out to anyone else.
I think that it is your decision to come out to who you want to. I know that she is worried about you, but threatening to make you change schools is a little dramatic. Its not like you couldnt tell people at the new school...I dont think your mom will go up to your school and ask people "did my son tell you he was gay?!" You have accepted this part of your life, now it is your moms turn. I think that you should just reassure her that you have it under control. Tell her that its not fair for her to put limitations on telling people who you are. Good luck. And congrats on coming out to your parents and friends.
You absolutely have the right to come out when and how you feel comfortable doing so. Would she listen if you told her that she's holding you back, and you feel that staying in the closet would be more harmful to you than coming out? If she's at all reasonable, recognising that she's hurting you might help change her mind. It seems like I'm always recommending that people write letters, but in this situation (as well as a hell of a lot of others) I think it could be really helpful - you can figure out exactly what you want to say, and not run the risk of getting angry or embarrassed and saying something you'll regret.
she cant tell u who to come out to. but her intentions were to keep u safe, so at least u know she cares about u. and congrats on coming out to them, by the way.
What's her stake in your school? Does she know parents, chaperone, or have to be around others you associate with or something? As far as she is concerned, the going ons in your school have nothing to do with her. You know how you combat this? "Hey mom if I have to switch schools because you're into my life then I will be sure to get into your sex, financial and private life as well. Because I think you need some change too." And be sure to smile innocently while doing so, otherwise she may not believe you. She needs to come out of the closet too. BeckyG was the first one to tell me this and now I really believe it. Not only does the child have to but the parents as well otherwise it will never be completely accepted. And let me make this crystal clear: YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE AS YOU CHOOSE.
Yes, you have the right, and it seems as if your Mom just wants to protect you. In addition to what people ^ said, just tell your mom that it's 2009 not 1979 or whenever she went to HS, and that you have a lot of accepting friends at school for support in case there are any problems.
I believe your mother is most likely acting entirely out of concern for you, tlsorrel, but motivation aside, like the Enigma stated, she has to come to terms with this in a mature manner. And threatening you for disclosing this is pretty immature. I would not however recommend the "eye for an eye" approach, as I have never seen that work out for someone, especially if one is dealing with an authority figure, which your parents do represent. Rather than attacking the situation directly, it might work to just take a broader approach and educate her with some of the many materials available (I have seen a few mentioned quite often on this site, including "Prayers for Bobby" and PFLAG materials.) I think these would help her come to a deeper understanding, and once she has that, silly threats should fall away naturally.
Your mom is reacting out of fear. Its very common after our kids come out to have all these fears. She's trying to protect you. Try to understand that about her while educating her. Eventually she'll calm down about you telling who you want.
Honestly, it seems that your mom is only worried about anyone hurting you. In other words, she's afraid that you might tell the wrong person and that you might get hurt. So, don't view it as her being overbearing, on the contrary, she's showing you that she loves you and cares for you; it's the typical motherly reaction when she fears for her young. Nevertheless, it is up to you to come out because it is your life and no one can steer it but you. :icon_wink
You're mom is concerned. You said it yourself. She's not being controlling for the fun of it - she is scared and worried for you.
