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Coming out to Asian Parent

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by lindblum95, Jul 25, 2016.

  1. lindblum95

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    Hello, web world. :smilewave

    I want to share my coming out story (note: sorry for my broken english, its not my first language.)

    I'm originally from Indonesia and now i'm currently studying in Bangkok, Thailand.

    I came out to my mom last year via phone call, well not exactly came out as gay and all but i kinda told her the idea that i might be gay. I was so nervous back then to even come out with that single word and I was hoping that she could or couldn't take it, but that hope shattered completely. The conversation was dark and uneventful, the topic was brought up because she kept on telling me to find a girlfriend here in Bangkok, but i kept on saying "no" and then i kinda told her that i wanted to tell her something but i couldn't- regarding the topic we discussed earlier, but she started to lure me and she was literally nice and her tone was smooth somewhat calm. She lured out some questions like
    "is it because you don't have any occupations?"
    "is it because you're not ready to be in a relationship?"
    and then one question popped up "its not because you're gay right?" and then i went silent for at least a minute, she started using this bible reference that god made man and woman to be together and all that. So i was really quiet that time and let her do the talking because i was terrified, she even threatened me that she would rather kill herself than to see me as a gay man. After that, she started to ask me a few questions.
    "Did you get your heart broken by a girl?"
    "Did you watch too much gay porn?"
    I answered that with no, its just the way i am.


    Post that somewhat terrifying day she's still telling me that one day you're gonna find a wife, you're gonna have a girlfriend and all that.

    Ever since that day i've never touched that topic anymore with her because i'm still scared.
    But i never regret saying that to her, because this life is not hers nor anyone else's.
    and in the end i knew that i'm gonna find that light from this tunnel right?
     
  2. EmilyFK

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    you are so lucky that you have the courage to coming out to your parents. I can't never be that brave
     
  3. lindblum95

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    Yeah, its kind of a relief for me.
    At least my mom knew whats about to happen in the future,
    Whether she accept it or not its a later problem.
    Good luck!
     
  4. Goldensun

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    Well done. And good that you can understand so clearly that her response is her problem and not yours.
     
  5. lindblum95

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    Update:
    So recently i just had this talk with my mom again.
    We kinda had this problem about me being all snotty and rude to her. (Tension)
    I guess the root of this all is the fact that she rejected me.
    So the conversations pretty much went like this;

    She asked me if i want to make an appointment with a psychiatrist or something.
    She even asked me to control my diet to control my urges for dudes that contains female hormones or something i'm not sure. (which is hilarious btw lol)
    But then again i thought the psychology world declared that homosexuality is not an abnormal condition or mental illness?
    and then i said to her "i am gay but that doesn't mean i'm a bad person or a wanted criminal on the run."
    She kinda roll of with the conversation better than the first which is a good sign.
    I said that "I know for sure that you're okay with it but the only thing thats bothering you is that you are ashamed of it right? Not ashamed of me but you're scared to tell your relatives and friends right?"
    And then miraculously she said " are you fine with it? "
    And then i said "yes ofc it's 2016 not the 1500s anymore"

    Conclusion is that your parents will always love you no matter what, but they don't know how to tell their relatives, families, friends and all that.
    Religion may play a big role of this situation. (Try to make your parents understand by the good things you did.)
    But only time will heal, and if you're staying true to yourself everything will unfold on its own.
    Hopefully my experience will enlighten your days,
    And for those who're still struggling GOOD LUCK guys/girls!
    :smilewave
     
  6. bjanna

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    Wow, I'm really happy that it's going well, from your first post I was worried, but I'm so happy everything ended up this way. Parents really do love unconditionally. I was lucky enough that my parents are liberal, but it makes me really happy to hear success with coming out to a parent that isn't as liberal :slight_smile: I'm so happy for you!
     
  7. lindblum95

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    Thanks for all responses,

    My advice is mainly to gay guys is that coming out isn't going to take your manhood away
    or make you a girl or less manly.
    To come out with those 3 words, takes a hundred set of balls.
    That's going to make you more manly than any straight man.

    To all who have came out congratulations and i'm happy for you guys!
    To all who havent good luck and be brave because we are a "divergent" :wink: