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Finally Came Out to My Father

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by XxAlexanderxX, Aug 1, 2016.

  1. XxAlexanderxX

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    Last night, at 11:11 pm, I sent my dad a rather long text that explained my gender identity. What I didn't realize was that he would read it right away and want to call me. So I ended up having a 2 hour talk with him on the phone (my parents are divorced, and I told my mom first). Talking to him at some points was like banging my head against the wall... :bang: he kept linking sexuality to gender, and once I finally got him past that he was thinking I was genderfluid, which I'm not, so I had to explain that to him. He said some hurtful things like "you'll always be my little girl no matter what" but that's to be understood. I know I have to understand this is a shock. I know I have to understand that he doesn't understand fully and accidentally offends me. He said that he'll have to take 6 months to a year to process the name thing, which hurts, because being called my birth name hurts. Yet I'm glad I told him. I'd waited so long, and I knew I was ready last night. Even though I probably got nowhere, he doesn't hate me for now and he wants to remain a part of my life, and at least he knows what's going on. That being said, the phone call still ended with me feeling like he didn't understand me, no one understanding me, and feeling alone even though I have many supportive people that try to understand or are working to understand me. However, in the end, I'm glad I told him and it wasn't as bad as I'd thought it'd be.
     
  2. faustian1

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    How would you answer, if I asked if you think your father "met you halfway" on this?
     
  3. XxAlexanderxX

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    I think that it's somewhere along those lines, yeah.
     
  4. faustian1

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    Then I think your glass is half-full, not half-empty. Your father most likely wants to accept you. No doubt he is re-thinking some of his assumptions, but what you told him may not be a surprise. Keep meeting him halfway, and you may be pleasantly surprised with the long run results. Down the road, he may decide he really likes the new you. At this point, he's getting to know you, once again. I'm assuming here that he had no clue before you told him this.

    I have a daughter, who is most likely near your age. If she told me she was gay, I'd actually have a slight preference for that, especially given the track record of traditional marriage these days. At the moment, she has a "Mr. Right Now," and there's not much sign of her either being gay or having gender dysphoria. Either of these things hardly count toward the most challenging things a child could tell you.

    You would be so fortunate, if you end up with two parents who take this in stride and continue to be people you can really count on.