Well - today, my mother plainly said that she didn't trust me anymore. It is not related with anything but the fact that I am bi (and that I hid my sexual affairs with guys for years) - she told me so. She said that she couldn't trust me because I lied to her for years about my sexuality and because I told her stories excusing my, um, closeness to other guys. That really hurt. I am getting over it but it seems that I was better when I was closeted...
That sucks man. Hopefully, though, she'll get over it eventually. Surely there were other benefits from coming out though? At least the freedom to do what you want and see who you want without feeling the need for secrecy? Mothers can be such a pain in the ass.
Wow, that's pretty harsh... I'm afraid I don't have any sage advice to offer, but I certainly hope you and your mother can have a serious dialogue about this trust issue and put it to bed. I dunno, it seems so blindingly obvious to us why we would conceal our true sexuality, but I can see how some other people would see a coming out as a major blow to our credibility. I tend to only partly agree with the statement that we're exactly the same post-coming out as we were while closeted, as I found that when I came out, I finally started to explore other facets of myself and reveal facets that I had previously suppressed. Having said all that, it seems to me that you'll either have to re-prove who you are, or reestablish yourself in the fashion of a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly, or something... Like I said, I have no real sage advice, so I'm mostly rambling at this point. :smilewave Hopefully things will work out.
it is never better in the closet, well once out you cannot go back, maybe time to talk to your mum and explain why we hide from our true selves for so long. i am sure that your mum will appriciate the fact that you now have nothing to hide you have laid yourself bare to the world, i am sure that you and your mum will end up having a close friendship based on complete trust once she understands the reasons for hiding so long your mum needs educating now is the time to do it. It will be ok greg
Yes, it sucks...and yes, it is bound to hurt. She is in denial - and if I know the society in your part of the world, she likely won't come out of it for a while. I'm sure you will have seen this thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=930 ...but I'd like to remind you it is there, because I hope it might help you realise where she is at. It may not be easy to work through - but as others have said, you really can't go back in the closet again once you have come out. At least YOU know where you are at - even if it may take her some time to come to accept that. All you can do is try and understand the reasons for her reluctance and try and give it time.
Yes, I read that thread... I really wish I could get out of here now. The situation is not good for me at all.
wow well I don't mean to sound harsh but it really is none of her business how many guys you have been with and when you were with them. also about the lying to her about your orientation, you might not have even realized that you were bi until the last couple of years this might not be your case I'm just saying it could be but anyway I think she is upset that you didn't tell her sooner and that she couldn't be a part of that part of your life sooner. I'm sorry that you are having problems with you mom and hopefully she will come around.
Hey, sorry to hear that your mom is having a hard time with the news. Fact is that parents very much create the climate that determines how honest and intimate we get with our personal lives. And how soon we let our parents and family know about our sexual orientation. Your mom should be grateful that she found out as soon as she did. Some parents never find out and never get the chance to accept their sons and daughters as they really are. Give her some time. She'll come around when she understands that she might have found out sooner if you could have trusted her with the information. The other thing is that you needed to wait until you were certain and felt comfortable sharing the news. That's not lying and she should know better. But then, parents can be pretty stupid when they are faced with their own shortcomings. Hope you don't have to wait too long. :smilewave
awh. dude. im so sorry things aren't working out like they should. i really hope things start looking up. and dont regret being yourself. its your life and you should live it like you were meant to.
I've still yet to inform my family. Not sure how they'll take it when they do, but I think they already suspect it... (they've found pictures on the computer before, and didn't seem to worried about it.) I wish you luck with your family and hope all goes well. I think my day to reveal myself to family is coming soon, although a few friends (and lots of locals in the area, since I'm openly gay at a lot of parties I go to), already know about me.
I just told my mother in an email. I hope that I am not about to be wishing I had not come out. I guess, in the final analysis, my reason for telling her is all about myself anyway. It doesn't really matter what her response is, as it does not change me. But, it would be helpful if she were supportive and hurtful if she is not. We shall see.
