Yeah, you read that right. I could say a combination of things kept me in my nice comfy closet. But, mostly it was when I tried coming out at sixteen and my parents didn't take it well. They told me I was too young, havn't met the right man, and interrogated my on my sexual encounters with women (which I didn't honestly share-they had no right to ask that). So, I zipped back into the closet and kinda bolted it shut along with my feelings. At that age all I cared about was pleasing my parents. That's all I wanted. I met my husband and we became good friends and dating him was easy. We were long distance and I just kinda imagined him as a woman and I could tolerate the sex. But, what happens is this weight comes on your shoulders and it gets heavier, and heavier, and heavier. I gained weight, I was miserable through the wedding but kept a 'straight' face (haha and I have a sick sense of humour). I lied and said I was bisexual but I had this voice whisper in my head 'liar' when I said that. I thought, just go through the motions and you can do this. But, my husband could notice it when we actually lived together. I would get distant, not respond, sleep a lot more and just withdraw from all aspects of life. I wouldn't talk to anyone, I was miserable. It finally just came out in a fight. I was a mess. But, my husband was actually pretty good about it-he knew it (I had a few encounters with women in college) but it was the fact that I told him I couldn't physcially give him what he wanted that he understood where this is going. To the ones hiding in their closet: please please please know that there is help, there is support and no matter how awful it sounds like coming out (family, friends w.e) there is help and there are people who love you. I have a pretty heavy path to start on (explaining to my family why only a year and a half into my marriage we decide to split up) and finding a place on my own (with a min wage job in a expensive city) but I'm one of those girls who can buckle down and get stuff done. I'm not perfect, but I'm so damn proud of myself for finally making a decision for myself. I don't care for labels or being the 'sterotype' lesbian. (Seriously, I hate baseball and I have one plaid shirt and my hair looks horrible short). Just be who you are. Don't listen to the haters, don't listen to the ones who have it in their minds that to be gay, lesbian, bi, you need to have this checklist complete. You don't. Follow your own path like I'm following mine. It's messy and imperfect but I'm doing it. I know you can do it. Too. Whenever you're ready. Don't give up.
