So I finally couldn't take it anymore. I told my mom.

...And wow, I feel better.

It happened in a weird way, actually. I knew she was the first person I wanted to tell--she'd been suspecting for a long time and I knew she'd be okay with it--but I wasn't actually planning on telling her today.

I came home from school feeling really upset, considering the last person I'd seen was this guy who really likes me but I just don't feel anything for him, and the whole situation is just really crazy. Anyway, I was upset. So I got home and went in to say hi to my mom, and guess what she was watching on TV? It was Oprah, and it was an episode about--and I'm not kidding--lesbian women trying to come out of the closet. I almost screamed from frustration and ran out of her room (leaving her, I think, sort of confused at this point). I went to my room and stared out the window for about ten minutes, trying to collect my thoughts, trying to calm myself down a little. I had to tell her. I mean, seriously, if that wasn't a sign, what was?

So I returned to my mom. And, my heart racing (this was the first time I'd ever said the words out loud) I started talking to her about it. I told her that I just wasn't sure I liked men, and that I was really starting to think that this wasn't just a phase, that I was starting to be sure about it. I basically poured out all of these emotions that wouldn't stop nagging me. And do you know how she responded?

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm really sorry. This has to be a really tough situation for you to be in. Especially being in high school, where you really don't have anyone to talk to about it. I wish I could make it easier for you, but there's nothing I can say. Just hang in there. It will get better, I know it will. I'll always be here for you if you want to talk about it."

Basically, she understood. I was expecting for her to be okay with it, but I never realized she would understand so completely. I was surprised.

Unfortunately, I think it kind of counts as two people. I'm almost sure my brother overheard at least part of the conversation, and I wasn't exactly ready to tell him yet, either. But he's trying to pretend that he doesn't know anything, and I know that if I call him on it he'll deny it completely. He was the second person I wanted to tell anyway, though, so I'll actually tell him sometime this week. It's kind of embarassing, though....

But anyway, there it is. My first coming out. I feel like I should, like, eat a piece of cake or something to celebrate.

 

Thanks for all the support and congratulations, guys! Wow, I'm just feeling so much better about everything today now that I've told someone.... I guess I've finally started to accept myself and be proud of it!

(And by the way, I DID have a piece of cake. Although I want a brownie now.)