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Finally told my parents!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by TanMan, Nov 27, 2016.

  1. TanMan

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    So today was the day I finally had the courage to tell my parents that I am gay. I told my brother back in August, and that was by far the hardest thing I have done. But aside from that, it feels so good to let the parents know. I have been asking here on the forums for ways that I could build up the courage, and I finally just told them.

    The three of us went out to lunch, and being in such a public place, I knew I had to do it right then and there. Just being in the house, I felt like it was going to be harder. I actually posted on facebook about wanting to do something, but I was scared of the outcome. She asked me what I meant by that a couple days ago, and I brought that up. I'm glad I posted that on facebook, because it made it so much easier to bring up.

    My parents are not religious nuts, but we are a general conservative Christian family. We have our values and beliefs on many things... When I told them, my father said the only thing that he was concerned about was my Salvation. This is the exact reason why I hated myself for so long. I have denied this part of me for 10 years when I began to feel "different." I kept telling him that I love my God and he loves me. This whole Christian thing and being gay has such a huge conflict between the two.

    I could tell my mom took it okay, but it seemed like she wanted to cry on the inside. They both kind of knew, but I guess they never really wanted to accept the fact that they have a gay son. I know it hurts them, but I cant keep this secret for another minute.

    They both kept telling me how much they love me, and told me that I can talk to them whenever I want. Also that I shouldn't hide anything from them anymore. They have been extremely supportive, but they still don't understand why. My father still kind of believes that its a choice. I kept telling him that I have cried myself to sleep for years praying to God about fixing me. I'm just tired of praying. Tired of praying when there's nothing wrong with me. He also said something about it being a problem. Like in a sense that being gay is a "problem," if that makes sense. That kind of hurt, because this is who I am. It took years to gain this self acceptance, and I'm finally happy.

    I told them that I was scared to tell them... That I was scared of being cut off and disowned/kicked out. They told me that would never happen no matter what I "choose" to do. Again, it was nice that they said that, but they still kind of think its a choice.

    My mom asked me who knows, and I told her only about 4 people total. They also asked that I not put anything on facebook about it. I told her I wouldn't. Here's the thing, I want to come out on facebook, but I'm just not ready to do it yet. I still owe it to my parents to give them time to take all this in. However, in the next couple months, I will post it publicly on facebook because I want to have the weight lifted. I feel like I'm suffocating. Of course it feels good to let immediate family know, but its still a huge weight on me. I need to be publicly open about my sexuality before I can move on in the next chapter of my life.

    But anyways, I just wanted to tell you all that it feels good to tell your family.

    Thank you to everyone here on the forums that has helped me over the past couple months :slight_smile:
     
  2. Guff

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    That's so awesome they took it well-ish.
    What's your "religious opinion" on it? (If you're even religious?)

    I'm very happy for you! It's weird but every time I read a new thread like this, I just become so happy! Coming out SUCKS and I love it when people post about their relatively good outcomes. Your parents will (hopefully) realize it's not a "choice" and will learn to accept you fully. I mean you said you yourself prayed to be changed, they're going to have to go through a bit of "changing you" efforts before they catch up with you. But they will, eventually. And now that you've let them start you're already getting closer to having them fully accept you!

    Congratulations on coming out
     
  3. Quantumreality

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    Congratulations, TanMan!:thumbsup: I'm glad you were finally able to work up the courage to Come Out to them, as you've been wanting to do for quite a while now!:slight_smile:

    It sounds like, once the have time to understand and fully accept what you told them, that you will have to help educate them on what it means for them to have a gay son. But that will probably just bring you closer together.
     
  4. Totesgaybrah

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    Congratulations Tanman you did it!!! I'm so glad your parents took it pretty well, it does sound like they will come around to be fully accepting with some time, and maybe some education from you.

    It's awesome that you did it in person, good for you.

    It can be a weird feeling for a few days but that will go away.
     
  5. beenthrdonetht

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    You told them all the right things. Even about trying to pray away the gay... it's important that they understand your conflicts. Although I am agnostic myself, I greatly admire those Christians who really walk the path of Jesus. My mom was one, and she really went the extra mile to understand people in their individuality. Well OK she was a psychiatrist too, I guess she blended her intellect and emotional and spiritual. I think there should still be a place for you in the Church. It doesn't sound like your church is the Westboro Baptist, for example. Good luck!
     
  6. TanMan

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    Thank you all!

    It means so much to have so much support. I feel so welcome in the LGBT community. I'm now so proud to happily represent a letter in it :slight_smile: I don't think I'd be here today (in terms of self acceptance) if it wasn't for this forum.

    While it's only been one day, it really hasn't been that awkward for me. They still talk to me like normal, but this time it feels different... like we are closer together. I hope that won't change any time soon.

    I just hope my dad come will come around to the idea (I guess fact) that this is how I was born, and praying more and more won't "fix" me. He brought up my cousin (female) who I guess was having relationships with other women years ago... she has kids and all, but I guess my dad thinks that this is something that I can change, as she did. I know it's a whole new concept for them to fully understand, but I just want them to know that I am normal.

    Hopefully over the course of time, we can talk openly about it. I feel like that will help me grow as a person, as well as them. Christianity and homosexuality are just two big conflicts together :frowning2:

    Speaking of church, growing up I felt like God hated me. I hated going to church because I felt like I was almost unwanted there. When I come out publicly on Facebook, I hope I can still attend.

    Thanks again everyone.
     
  7. Quantumreality

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    Hey TanMan,

    I don't know if you've checked out these EC threads that deal with Christianity and homosexuality. If not, perhaps you may find them useful.

    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/65350-bible-tells-me-being-gay-wrong-now-i-just-dont-know-what-do.html#post1101418

    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/49316-my-advice-about-being-lgbt-christian-very-long.html
     
  8. TanMan

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    I also want to add that I think my mom took it better once she found out how much I have suffered in the past with depression.

    In high school, I was very sad. I just didn't know how to deal with it. And truth is, I was falling for my best friend (no longer friends anymore, except FaceBook). Of course I didn't tell her that, but it seemed like she understood that I tried to change, and now she knows why I suffered from the depression. I talke diwth a therapist for the depression,but now I know the underlying cause was being gay and trying to deal with it. I never told anyone about my feelings toward the same sex... not even in therapy.

    Thanks Quantum, I will check those out.
     
  9. Totesgaybrah

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    That is good that you told her how you suffered and had to deal with depression, I had basically the same things going on when I was younger except I never saw a therapist(probably should have). I told my mom about this stuff too and she felt terrible that I had to go through that alone but I explained to her that I HAD to do it alone just because that is how I am. I had to work things out on my own, back then(in high school) even if I had someone telling me that being gay was fine and natural and not a choice, I probably would have rejected them.

    We all go through this in our own ways, but it helps so much when people share their experiences so others can relate. Thanks for sharing yours.
     
  10. Jolly Hermione

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    Congrats on coming out to your parents!

    I just want to give a comment about one thing :wink:

    I, myself believe in God (or at least something similar) and I never understood how God, a creature that seems to love us how we are, would want me to be not me. To love someone I don't normally love (a man :wink: ).
    I also thought about living my life and then what happens? Am I going to hell, just for loving who I love instead of what was "right"?

    However: I came to the terms that God is a loving father (or person...) and this would also mean to accept our choices. So for me it would mean: I am aloud to love who I love, to be me. I think that if you live an honest life, you can't do anything wrong :slight_smile:

    Just my thoughts ^^


    Again: Congrats (*hug*)
     
  11. TanMan

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    Growing up, I was always told that being gay was a win. That you would automatically go to hell. Whenever I saw someone who was openly gay, or "acted" like they were, I had so much disgust towards them. But that's because that is what I was taught. I learned that behavior. It wasn't until 7th grade when I realized I was different, and it wasn't until my junior or senior year when I was okay with gay people. However, I still tried to repress it because of it being considered a sin. It wasn't until June 2016 when I finally accepted myself.

    I truly believe that God loves me (and you and other members of the LGBT community) no matter what, because this is not a choice I would choose. But here I am and fully accept and love who I am.

    Also, I remember you posting that you just came out to your brother, right? Or was that someone else? Congrats to you as well. It sure is an amazing feeling to get the weight of your chest and shoulders.

    When I publicly come out in the next couple months, that's going to be even a bigger weight off me. Right now I'm happy because my parents and brother know (still need to tell my younger brother), but I don't feel like I'm 100% me yet until it goes public... like I'm still hiding.
     
  12. JAlfred

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    Glad your coming out went well! It's good your parents reacted well. I'm not a Christian myself, but from what little I've read here, I think there's a good chance they'll come to see your sexuality - your ability to love another human being - as yet another manifestation of God's love for his children. Congratulations!
     
  13. mbwilliams91

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