So, even though I came out to a couple of therapists in the past, it was relatively easy to do since it's a safe space away from your everyday life. So I had yet to come out to someone that actually knew me. Until about a month ago. Right before we were both about to travel for the holidays, one of my closest friends and I were having dinner at her place. I don't know why, but I was determined to talk to her and open up that night, and had even been practicing how I was going to say it as I drove there :icon_redf So after dinner I told her that I'd been thinking about my life and what I want from it now that I'm getting older haha and that the reason I've never been in a relationship is because I've been too scared and ashamed from the fact that I'm gay. I knew she'd be supportive, and she truly was! We ended up talking for a long time about how it was like to grow up in an homophobic environment, about that feeling of having "missed out" on so many things, and so on. At one point she asked me: "What are you afraid of?" and right there I realized that the things that I was so afraid of while I was growing up no longer seem to matter anymore, i.e. what others might think of when I come out. It did help a lot that her reaction was great and that she said that it changes nothing to her. But even if it did bother some people I come out to, I have no control over their reactions. I am, however, in control over how I feel about my sexuality and how to respect that feeling and be honest to myself and others. Growing up in a very conservative setting, where you're told in school and at home that homosexuality is a sin, and a decease, I was convinced that I would take this to my grave without anyone ever knowing that I was gay (it sounds dramatic but it's true!!). Now, even if it has taken me longer than others, I feel so happy and grateful that I can move forward in sharing who I am with the people that are close to me. As helpful as it was to talk to a therapist, it makes such a big difference to have someone close to you to talk to who knows you on a different level. I'm not sure what the next step will be, but for now I'm hopeful that, during this terrifying moment when people are talking about building walls, I can tear down some of my own.
Congratulations, Thereishope! That took a lot of courage! I'm so happy that your friend is so supportive! Now you have someone with whom you can be open and just be yourself.
