I've already described those two in this thread here, so I'll cut right to it. My mom and I drove my sister to an extracurricular thing yesterday, and instead of driving off, we decided to wait out in the car - it only took an hour, we got to talking about my dad, and my mom named some of the reasons why she didn't like him all that much any more. Like how his divorce settlement was too low. And how he prioritizes work over his kids. Oh, and he doesn't believe that you're gay. WHAT? She said that she was out-loud wondering about the reasons why I might have agreed to go to counseling, and my sexuality just slipped out. Apparently his reaction was...predictable. He gave her the "too young, can't be certain, he's just at that age" song and dance. Then, just to keep the ball rolling, she said that she let it slip in a similar way while having lunch with her mother one day. She didn't react as negatively, but from what my mother said, she didn't react much at all. I haven't spoken to either of those two about this subject yet, and they still don't know that I know they know, but I plan on having a talk with each of them. I'm still a little upset with my mom for giving away one of my only secrets without my permission; when I first came to her, I made it very clear who she could tell and who she could not, and my dad and grandmother were in the second group. She agreed, said that she would be there for support when or if I ever decided to tell them, and I expected her to keep her word on that. I know that's two more major people I don't have to come out to, but...I still sort of do. My question is, when I do decide to talk to them, is there any particular way I should approach it? Be aggressive? Ask them some questions first? Hint at it or come right out and say it bluntly? Has anyone else had to deal with this type of situation, and what can you tell me about it?
I think when you talk to them hinting at it is kind of silly because they know that you are gay now so the best way to do it is to come right out and say it.hinting at it would do no one any good in this situation.I know some people aren't the blunt type but I think in this situation it's best to rip off the band aid and just come right out and say it. Now you don't mention what your relationship is like with either your dad or your grandma so I think that would be helpful to know if you have had a good relationship with them over the years. And lastly I don't think your mom intentionally broke her promise to you.Some things just slip out of our mouths when we are talking to someone and it's usually things that are on the forefront of our thoughts.It's hardly ever intentional(unless it is done just to be cruel,which in this case I doubt.) So forgive her when you feel ready.
Wow. That was really careless of your mother to tell your dad and grandmother. I kinda know how you feel, I don't tell my mom anything that I don't want anyone else to know. If I were you, I would just confront them directly, openly about it. They already know, so there's no use dropping hints or beating around the bush with it. Avoid aggressivness. Good Luck!
With my grandmother, it's a little stressed. She's been trying to hook my parents back up for the last four months, saying it's in my best interests, but I'm really not all that shaken up by their divorce (which I tell her). Both of my parents are a little frustrated with her, and she means well, but I can understand why. We don't see each other all the time, but she lives close by, so we could talk whenever we felt like it. We're not angry at each other, no grudges, but it's not the best. With my dad, we really don't talk much at all. He got the house and kids, so he's trying his best to be a single parent, but he puts work before everything else sometimes. We have almost nothing in common, and there was a time where I seriously and honestly wondered if he was actually the father or not. We're total opposites, and while he tries to get this great friendship going, it just doesn't work. We might say twenty words to each other by the end of the day, and if that happens, I'm not exactly upset. Again, there's no anger or grudge between us, we just don't really get along.
Well, if and when you decide to talk to them about it, I'd suggest the direct method. You could open with "I guess mom already told you..." etc. Mainly because your father seems to be already thinking that you're just questioning and doubting. If you would do the whole hinting stuff, he might take that as confirmation that you aren't really sure yourself.
Some really good advice here.I agree with the direct approach.They've been told,so it's up to you how to go forward. And your mom... I know you feel betrayed but I don't think,when she said this,that she was thinking clearly.And I'm sure she didn't do this to hurt you. It probably DID just slip out and she needed to just vent. Remember how hard it was to come to terms with yourself and give her the same consideration.At least she's trying. I wish you all the best. Let us know...we care.
Should your mom have told other people without telling you? No, but it is still understandable. Being informed that their child is gay is a big thing, and it can be hard to keep to yourself, so sometimes it accidentally slips. Especially since it seems she's under a bit of stress between that and the divorce. However it seems she's cool with it (I think?) which is a good thing. How to handle the situation? Be direct. They know, let them know you know. Don't be aggressive, don't use it in an argument. Just try to say "So, I guess mom already told you, but just so you know I'm gay". If they want to talk about it great, if not, great. But at least there won't be a cloud of awkward hanging over.
Hah, so these are the two people who you were wondering how to come out to in your other thread. Well, this is your opening. I agree with others - the direct approach, no beating around the bush necessary. Be patient with them, but hold your ground, answer their questions. It might bring you closer to one or both of them.
She is. She's totally fine with it, but...I told her last fall. I don't think she's still troubled by it, and I really doubt she's venting. No matter; I plan on talking to both of them before too long, and it definitely looks like being direct is my best bet. Thanks, and if anyone has more advice, I welcome it.
This is what mothers do. This is the exact reason I won't tell my mom. My mom has to be the last one to find out. No matter how sincere I am with her, no matter how personal I tell her it is.... She'll just do it anyways.
Well, to be honest, this was really unlike her. She's usually very good with secrets and respecting other peoples' wishes, and she told me she really was sorry she blabbed to two different people, especially ones with such influence in my lives. But I'm still talking to her, our relationship is just fine, I just...don't know if I'll be so willing to dish to her in the future.
As much as I am guessing that it was an accidental slip of the tongue I agree with you.In the future I would be a little more reluctant to tell her anything you wanted to keep secret.
UPDATE: My mom tells me it was around early March when she let it slip to my dad, so he's known for a while but hasn't said a word about it. I expected him to be in denial, but it's still an uncomfortable situation. I plan on breaking the news to him tonight assuming neither of us feels sick, so before I dive right in, any last-minute advice I should hear? I've got my "Sons and Daughters" all printed out, I know my arguments in and out, but I'm still open to tips.
Stay calm even if your father gets angry over what you have revealed to him.Getting defensive could make your father wonder if you are mature enough to know you are gay.
Well since you said that you really don't talk to him much, actually doing some talking, sharing the materials, and having a good heart-to-heart would be quite a strong statement i think.
