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My mom :(

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by katie, Apr 13, 2009.

  1. katie

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    came out to my mom...dunno y.
    she is disgusted that my friends know.
    said that if it ever gets back to the family...she'll never 4give me.
    wants me to keep that part of me quiet.
    'she hates me' is an understatement

    want to die atm. why did i tell her???:bang::help:
     
    #1 katie, Apr 13, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2009
  2. GlindaRose

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    (*hug*) Well the important thing is not why you came out to her, but that you ARE out to her. Obviously you are in a tough situation, but the first thing to do is give her time to get her head round it. Obviously it was a shock to her, so maybe that was just her initial reaction. If she loves you then eventually she should come round or at least soften a little bit.

    Also, I'd ask Beckyg about PFLAG leaflets and stuff, they might help you and your mum a bit.

    (*hug*)
     
  3. SAGUY84

    SAGUY84 Guest

    You need to make sure your mom knows that its YOUR life, not hers. You should be the one deciding who knows and who doesn't. She probably thinks 'she' has failed at raising you, and doesn't want the family to know for that reason.

    It sounds like talking to her wouldn't be a good idea given her stance on the subject, so i think you should write her a letter explaining it. I don't think she hates you, i think she's just really uneducated about the subject.
     
  4. Just Adam

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    aww im sorry :frowning2: just give her time it can be a shock to any mother, jsut remember its your life and in the end you have to live how makes you happy despite what others think.

    take care u got us :grin: and your friends
     
  5. beckyg

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    Katie, I'm so sorry your Mom is behaving this way! (*hug*)(*hug*)

    Your mom definitely needs an education. Please go here and download some PFLAG materials for her. Your Daughters and Sons is a good one. If she is religious, so is Faith in Our Families. There is also one on bisexuality.

    http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=594&srcid=416

    If you can get the book Now that You Know, it can be very helpful too. It is available at all major book sellers.

    Tell your mom about PFLAG. She can see if there is a chapter near her at: www.pflag.org

    Your mom is reacting out of fear and ignorance. Try not to hold that against her. You need to be the strong one here. Educate her so she doesn't feel that anymore and things are going to get better. Try to be patient with her but don't stop talking to her about it.

    Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.
     
  6. katie

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    :eusa_boohthanks guys. sorry, i just needded to rant. i know why she's acting like this: she's homophobic. why did i do it???:eusa_doh: she says it 'turns her stomach'. someone shoot me.


    i need a hug. i need my gf. :tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears:
     
  7. Just Adam

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    well im not your GF but id be happy to hug ya and your not alone my familys the same but atleast u dont have to hide who u are now even if your mum doesent approve she will still love you i agree with above its just the ignorance of not understanding and possibly fear remembering how things used to be wher the worlds was a bad bad place if u were different from what people considered normal....but you are normal and great :grin: and as u say uve a gf that loves u :wink: so u got her to curl up to and make u feel better :slight_smile:
     
  8. Louise

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    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) I may not be your gf but I can give hugs! (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*).

    Don't torture yourself with thoughts of why did you do it, it's done, you can't change what you did, you can't take back the words and you can't change your mum. All you can do it decide how you are going to cope.

    I know we are not here to judge each other or point the finger of blame but in this instance it really is your mum in the wrong. You can look at it any which way, yes she has the right to her opinion, but she doesn't have the right to make you feel bad about yourself.

    Seriously, hold your head up high, put your shoulders back, take a deep breath and be proud of the person you are... weather your mum likes it or not!
     
  9. katie

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    thanks 4 the help and support guys. il be ok when she calms down....5 years from now!!! i hadnt anticipated telling her till i was in uni...6 months from now, so she couldnt get at me. o well, things change.

    ill b fine. i think im in shock. she's drunk half a bottle of wine already...and she shows no sign of stopping. LOL! i drove my mother to drink. (!) sorry. im cruel, i know.


    ill b ok.
    x
     
  10. Louise

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    Don't make me come over and slap you now!!! You did NOT drive your mother to drink, you are not cruel. Her own small mindedness drove her to drink. She is either doing this to make you feel even worse, even guiltier or to simply shut out a reality that she doesn't want to deal with. Either which way this is not your fault. Your mother is a grown woman, she should be able to deal better with lifes little adversities.

    For God's sake you are not a mass murdering serial killing paedophile! Then she really would be right to feel bad! Telling your mum that you are gay is NOT the worst thing that could have happened to her, she really does need to get a grip!
     
  11. katie

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    lol! sorry Louise. ill behave!:lol:

    the funny thing is...i actually think my extended family would be cool with me being bi...but i have this feeling that if i tell them...i could be living on streets till i go to uni! dont u just love my mom.


    RANT AHEAD: SKIP IF U WANT!!!

    it makes me feels a bit sh*t tho. sorry bout the language, but reading other ppls posts bout coming out to their moms, they seem to take it really well, and declare total support, u know ;' ur my son/daughter, and i love u no matter what'. my mom seems to have done the opposite; 'ill get on with u if u dont tell anyone else'. not once in 8 years have i heard her say 'i love you' without me asking first. but she tells its to my dad, and lil sis, so its not that she's the type oof person to hold back from PDA's...she's just horrible.


    sorry for the rant

    x
     
  12. Louise

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    Rant away, I get the feeling that you are one of those people that keeps their feelings to themselves. You are allowed to say bad things about your mum, this does not make you a bad person or a bad daughter. You have the right to your feelings! Sometimes it does you good to let them out!

    Could you stay with your extended family until you go to uni? Being around your mum at the moment is not doing you any good, it is just making you feel bad about yourself and is no doubt having a negative effect on your studies.

    Don't forget your mum wouln't be able to kick you out without giving a reason then everyone would know, so she probably won't risk kicking you out!
     
  13. Dazed

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    im not sure what i can add..im sure your mom will calm down. give her time


    *hugs*
     
  14. aerwolfen

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    oh god katie i really feel for you,and everyone here does the same,we are your support we all love you and we are very proud of your courage to come out to your mom knowing who she really is,but we are your new family,i'm your gay brother and i love you very much and a big big hug from me,your on the right path,be proud of who you are and care alittle of what your mom thinks,because there are more loving people out there that tip the balance to happiness,your a special one don't forget that.stay positive sis.
     
  15. Thisisnew

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    I don't know what I can say that hasnt been said already but give your mom time to cool down and realize this is who you are if she loves you she will accept it in time. I'm sorry you had to feel this way while comming out to your mom feel better.
     
  16. Mickey

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    If you've read some other peoples coming out stories,some of them have had the same reaction from their moms,too. I'm not saying that to try to make it better,just to let you know that you're certainly not alone. My mom was an ass,too,at first. It took some time for her to realize that my being a lesbian was NOT a damn reflection on her.
    Many parents react negatively,at first. Let her have her wine and self pity. You are a good person and NEVER let ANYONE make you feel otherwise.
    You'll be going to uni soon,then you can live the way you were meant to. If things get too rough,see if you can find an alternate place to stay until you go.
    While we can't replace your family,we are here for you. Much love and peace,sweetie.
     
  17. pianolover95

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    I'm sorry I don't have any advice (as I don't have enough life experience) but I wish I could give you a hug! I suppose you just have to give your mom time...
     
  18. Starshine16

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    First of all Katie here's a hug from me to you (*hug*) Secondly we are all so proud of you for having the curage to come out to your mom.I wish I could be as brave as you have shown yourself to be.Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about yourself because you don't deserve that.I am sure it is rough getting that response from your mother,but try not to let that interfere with your desire to live your life the way you want to.
     
  19. katie

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    thanks 4 the support guys. things rnt any better here. ther r some moments when she wont look at me, and then other times when she's like...really fine, and just glossing over the weird moments. i dont get it. im going to c my gf 2morrow, so ill be ok then :icon_wink.

    if anyone prays...can u pray 4 me? i feel really messed up atm :tears:

    x
     
  20. SAGUY84

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    Does she know you have a gf?


    It might help her deal with it sooner if she knows. (although it could backfire and she could try and stop you from seeing her)