http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22966 That's a link to my last thread on this subject. I decided to confront him about it tonight, and I just got finished with the conversation, so...here's the report. He pretty much regurgitated a really long version of what I expected he would say, the same old stuff I've been hearing for weeks and months and years. He thinks one has to "get their feet wet" before they can really know, and that I can't possibly be sure without having been in a relationship with anyone. I think that's a pretty sad stance to take, and I told him that, but it could have been worse. I told him I wouldn't be up in his room telling him all this if I weren't absolutely sure, which he didn't really have an answer to. I think the most disappointing bit was where he told me he didn't think gay people could live a truly happy and fulfilling life, because there was something special about being with a woman that we would be missing. I told him to delete all the "female"s in his sentence and replace them with "male"s, and that was how I felt. Sort of. He seemed almost afraid to say the g-word, using "proclivity" and "persuasion" instead. He said "choice" and "lifestyle" only once, after which I shot him down and he never brought it up again. I printed out the booklet and asked him to read it, which he said he would, and I told him I hoped it would clear up any confusion that I was unable to. He said he had suspected for a long time and that I did tend to lean more towards my mother's side, which almost seemed like an insult, but he moved on. Ultimately, I think there are just a few more walls in the way that need to be climbed, but he wasn't a total jerk about it. He just...(really long pregnant pause, sighs)...doesn't think it's possible to experience all of life for "people of my persuasion". Any advice on how to approach that question in the future? I think I handled it pretty well, but that seemed like the biggest barrier in his way to understanding just exactly who I am.
It seems like he's bullshitting himself to me. Its just best to educate him as best to your ability on the topic and hopefully he'll understand in time you can be just as happy as any other person.
Give him some time. Remember, you have had much longer to process this than your father. Let him read the PFLAG pamphlet and have some time to reflect on it. Then, perhaps ask him if he has any questions for you. Consider giving him the book, "Now That You Know." His reaction today is not necessarily where he will wind up in a few days, weeks or months. Patience may be necessary here.
Well, sounds like it could have been worse Atleast he didnt refuse to accept you could be gay it sounds like? Just give him lots of time. I know it sucks having a not-so-perfect coming out to your parents, look up my coming out and thats exactly what it was sigh, but it should get better with time. Its just SUCH a shock to him at the moment im sure. No parent prepares themselves for this day. But your out! Thats good honey (*hug*) now its all about waiting
The thing is, it isn't as much of a surprise, he's known for about two months now thanks to my mom. I know that's still a very short time compared to the years I have, but still...I think he's just trying desperately to find a back exit, a way out...there has to be some other explanation, certainly not his son.
What is experiencing "all of life"? Is it marriage, children, a good job, money, friends, travel, intelligence, public service, religion, nacho cheese doritos? Is it a big house in the suburbs, a flat in the core of an amazing city, a farmhouse out in the country? Sounds like he has some definition. Maybe you think something else. I bet I have a different take. It's up to each of us to experience our own lives how we desire it. Even if he's known for a couple months, you coming out to him and giving him material and opening up make it much more real and now front and center in his mind. To be honest from where I sit, your Dad may be worried, but he sounds fine. Congrats!
i agree your dad does sound fine,you need to give him room to grow and accept,its a normal feeling for a father and mother to see their children grow get married and have kids,then they can sit back retire and say they did their job ,its normal for them to think that way,having you gay has not changed the way they love you,its just not part of his plan,now he needs to accept a change in the road map,he does not hate you,you know how guys don't ask for directions,he needs time to develope a new road map for you,love him and respect him as you would have him for you,he is great he is your dad,and you will always be his gay son.relax and stay positive.
u have to prove to him that it is possible to b happy and gay at the same time. who ever said u need to b with a woman? were gay- we dont feel that need. thats what u have to make him understand. besides, like there isnt anything special to being with a man? personally (and obviously) i like that idea better.
