I didn't know where to post this so I hope it's in the right place. Over the past two days, I've been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of reflecting and some soul searching. I came to the realization that my ex–girlfriend Alison is never coming back to me. She has moved on with her life without me and she has a new man in her life who is much older, much more successful, and who has much more money than me. Now it's my turn to move on with my life and time for me to let go of a ghost I love who is no longer a part of my life. She's gone and I'm moving on. I also came to the realization that I'm tired of being confused over my sexuality. I'm still young and now is the time to find out if I am gay. I decided it's worth taking up my best friend Brandon's offer of trying out an intimate romantic relationship with him. We had long conversations about this over the past couple days and we both know there's a chance it won't work but we also know there's a chance it might and we are both willing to give it a shot. Whether it works or not, we will always be best friends. I don't know if I'm straight or bisexual or gay but I do know that I want to try this out and give it a shot. Brandon also wants to try it so we're on the same page. As of today we are officially a couple. I have my first boyfriend now and I'm now in my first gay relationship. I know all of this will sound weird or even strange to you, but it also feels that way for me too. I'm probably gay or maybe I'm not but I'm sure this relationship will help me to discover what I am. I never expected this to happen to me. Had anyone told me a year ago I would be questioning my sexuality, sexually experimenting with a guy, and that I'd end up with a boyfriend in a gay relationship, I would of said you have lost your mind. But it's happened and as strange and as scary as it might feel, I want to do this. I don't want to be scared of trying out something new, something different, I want to be open to it and I want to take the risk. Anyway, I wanted to tell people, and so here I am letting you all know that Brandon is now my boyfriend and I am his boyfriend. It still sounds so strange, so different, and weird to me but I'm happy with my decision and I hope you all will understand why I'm doing what I'm doing and I hope you can support me on this. If not that's okay. But please don't try talking me out of this, don't tell me I'm making a mistake or that Brandon is making a mistake, Just try to support me and him instead. I don't know if posting this thread is considered what is called coming out or not here on EC but I sure do feel nervous doing this. I realize I'm confused over my sexual orientation so this probably isn't considered coming out and that's okay because I myself don't know what it is anyway. Beginning today on EC, I'm identifying as gay even though I really don't know this for a fact. My reason for this is because I'm in my first gay relationship with my first boyfriend and identifying as gay is the right label that makes sense to me since I'm not in a straight relationship with a female. I hope it makes sense to you. I haven't decided yet if and when I'll be able tell my family, friends or co-workers. I want to. I plan to, I just don't know when I can do that. The thought is scary and it makes me nervous. I need time to figure out how and when I'll be telling them but for now I don't want to deal with it and I'm not ready but I plan on it when it feels right. My focus right now is on my relationship with Brandon, I want it to grow and I want it to work. I'm going to give it the best shot I possibly can. I've always been a relationship type of guy and when I commit to someone I give it my all. I debated posting this thread but I'm doing it before I chicken out.
Congrats man I'm happy for you! Don't worry about coming out to other people yet. Wait until you are ready.
Very interesting turn of events, Jacob. From what I read of your intense night a day or two ago, and now this, I think this is really the best thing for you to do. There really is no sense dragging out the uncertainty if your friend has done all he can to give you the opportunity to see what it might be like, and to also support your decision no matter what it would be. So go for it. Treat it like you would any other relationship. Don't expect any outcome one way or the other, and let things roll naturally. You and Brandon's roles have clearly changed, but learning how to interact with him in this new way, I have no doubt, will be beneficial to you in the long run.
Jacob, I'm so happy for you, and proud of you too! You may or may not be doing the "right" thing, but you will have an answer one way or another in time. Not everyone is courageous enough to ask these questions, and you are. Just the fact that you're willing to take this risk to me seems good. In my opinion, the bottom line is that you care for each other. That's what's real, and that's what matters. The language you use is completely superfluous. Just be you, and just enjoy him! Way to go!!!!!!! *warm hugs* Patrick P.S. - You bitches! I totally envy you both. *grin*
Jacob, I have personally had the very best week of my life and it looks as thought you have too! Congrats and always remember relationships are give and take, not only your lover but also your best friend through the ups and downs of life! May you forever be blessed! Dean
Hey, Jacob. First, congratulations on taking this step for yourself. Second, remember to keep taking nice, long, deep breaths to relax yourself when you feel anxious (which I think almost anyone in your position would feel.) Third, nobody here is going to judge you. Honestly, I think you're being incredibly courageous, vulnerable (in the open, positive, Brené Brown way) and really stretching yourself. That's awesome and commendable. Fourth, give yourself permission to be unsure of who you are, if that's helpful. You can identify as gay for now, and change it tomorrow, if you're so inclined, and change it back the next day. No one will judge you. Everyone who goes through the process of exploring their sexual selves comes to a place where they're uncertain and basically have to take a leap. As far as coming out to whomever... personally, I'd suggest waiting a bit and becoming comfortable and confident with yourself. Now... you might decide tomorrow or the day after that you're totally confident and this is who you are, and if so... then go for it as soon as you feel the urge. What I'm basically saying is, there's no rush for any of this. Do it when it feels right. And feel free to continue sharing your story, worries, experiences, and so forth as you feel comfortable doing so. Not only for input from others, but because sharing your story is immeasurably helpful to others who might be in your situation.
Yeah, I thought something might be off when a straight guy had his torso posted on an LGBT site. Take it each day at a time. There are lots of ups and downs. Sounds like you've lost a major weight, so that's a step in the right direction. Please keep us updated!
Thank you Patrick7269, Dean and Gravechild for the encouraging and supportive responses. It feels good to have this kind of positive feedback. I never expected or ever imagined that I'd be in a gay relationship with Brandon. I honestly never saw this happening to me. It still feels a little strange and a little weird to suddenly have a boyfriend. It sometimes feels like it's only a dream but I know it isn't. I'm nervous about this new adventure. I've never had this type of relationship before so it feels a little awkward for me but I know I made the right decision and I'm happy I made this decision. Hi Chip. You're absolutely right about me feeling anxious at certain moments. Your advice to take long, deep breaths to help me relax is what I'm going to do whenever I feel anxious again. These anxious moments come and go. Thank you for saying I'm being incredibly courageous but truth is Chip I feel a little scared so I'm not sure if I'm as courageous as you think I am. I agree with you, that I must give myself permission to be unsure of who I am. This is very helpful advice to me because I'm having these odd moments where I think I'm straight and then at other times I think I'm gay, then I get moments where I think I'm bisexual, then I begin to think I'm unsure of what I am and then it starts all over again like a never ending cycle. I think for now I'm just going to identify as gay but I might feel differently tomorrow and identify as straight again or maybe next week I might identify as bisexual or straight but curious, I don't know. I'll just give myself permission. I'm still the same guy I was a year ago. I'm still me Jacob. The only differences this year is that I'm uncertain about my sexuality and I'm currently in a gay relationship with a guy instead of a straight relationship with a girl. Other than these changes I'm still the same Jacob I was last year. I truly feel the same and I know I made the right decision to be with Brandon. It feels right to be with him at this time in my life. I still find myself saying to myself that I can't believe I'm doing this or that I can't believe that I'm in a gay relationship. I assume this is normal since it's all so new to me and I need to let it sink in. Regarding me coming out to family, friends or co-workers, I'm planning to do so when I'm more comfortable with it. I'm not going to rush the process of coming out. As soon as I begin to feel more confident in myself that's when I'll tell my family and friends. It's overwhelming to even think about it and makes me nervous and sweaty just thinking about having to do it. It also feels rather strange because I never expected I would ever have to be doing something like this in my life time. Anyway, I think I'm ready to tell my stepbrother about me and Brandon having become boyfriends and Brandon agrees that the first person I should tell is my stepbrother because he is gay and he will be understanding and supportive of my decision to be in a romantic relationship with Brandon.
Hi Jacob, I can relate to the never ending cycle in your head of questioning whether you are gay,bi,or straight. I did that for a very long time and I wasn't even in a relationship. I also feel that I am the same person I was before I came out. Its scary to think "OMG Ive been living a lie everything is going to change now" when in reality not a lot has changed after coming out, sure other people know and I can express myself more freely but other than that not much has changed. I think its a smart idea for you to tell your step brother because he could be great support for you. Its also a good idea to wait until you are confident in who you are before telling other family,friends and coworkers Good luck to you both, and I hope you will keep us updated here at EC.
Hi Totesgaybrak, yeah the never ending cycle in my head ain't much fun. I'm glad you can relate to it and it's good to know that you are still the same person you were before you came out. I feel I'm exactly who I was a year ago. This has been a relief for me. I am telling my stepbrother about me and Brandon being lovers, when he drops by tomorrow. Thank you for the support.
Happy to give it. I know its not fun, but it will stop once you come to the conclusion. Don't let these thoughts float aimlessly in your head, think proactively.
Just wanted to comment on you saying you aren't being courageous. Courage isn't being unafraid, It's going forward with it anyway. Admitting that you're scared about this is proof that you are being courageous. I wish you and Brandon the best!
