It happened the worst way.

I outed myself.

Oh boy. So it happened in the spring. I had written a post for my personal blog, and explicitly said, "I want to live for my girlfriend." and I foolishly thought that "oh! no one reads it! It'll be fine!" Yeah no. My mom had been suspicious for a while, and that only confirmed what she was thinking. Bear in mind at the time I was 20, and was already being shamed for other things I do, what I choose as my hobby... Anyways off topic.

So they cornered me one night, asking if my tumblr friend was my girlfriend. I panicked, and then, unfortunately, had to sit down and have a talk. That yes, I have a girlfriend. No, I did not tell you because I knew this was how you would react, and also yes, I am in an LGBT group on campus. The look of hurt on my mom's face was enough to kill me, but still, I had to stay strong. And I have. But it hasn't gotten any easier. After the Orlando shooting, my mom yelled at me for drawing a rainbow heart on my arm. She's yelled at me for showing any amount of rainbow pride. I'm not allowed to take my rainbow water bottle to school. I'm not allowed to wear rainbow anything. I'm not allowed to tell my brothers or any family (not that I have any desire to, seeing as most of my family is incredibly religious). I've been told not to come out to anyone, but THAT is where I drew the line. I told my parents straight up that it was an unrealistic request and one that I would not fulfill. I've been in countless fights with them over this. My mom has straight up told me I'm going to hell.

My dad has been slightly less awful. He may not approve but he at least keeps quiet. I think he's finally coming around to the idea actually. I've come to find acceptance in other places though. My girlfriend and I are planning for me to move up there once I get my associates degree, which should be like one more school year. It's probably going to take me leaving before things change, and I'm working on making peace with it. It hurts that my mom and I are never going to have the same relationship because of this, but I knew it would happen the minute I figured out I'm gay. This is my life now... Anyways sorry for rambling but I thought that I would share.(&&&)