Happy! Yet facing Crushing Reality..

Well congratulations for coming out at Easter. That took courage, and I'm glad you did.

With repsect to friends dropping you from social networking sites, I think that's really lame of them. A total 'over reaction' to something that shouldn't matter to them at all.

At the same time, what someone does on their Facebook page doesn't necessarily dictate what they'll do in 'real life', does it? Or does it? I don't have a Facebook or Myspace page, so perhaps I'm out of the loop.

As a result, nobody had a chance to drop me, which was good. And only 4 of my friends know I'm gay - and I'd only want them to be my friends on Facebook anyway. Studies would say that you can only really have 3 or 4 REALLY GOOD friends anyway - and I believe that. Using these networking sites where you've got dozens of 'friends' diminishes the meaning of the word to me.

What am I trying to say? That if all but 3 or 4 people drop you from Facebook, you'll know who your real friends are at that point. But I'm pretty sure you already know who those people are anyway - and the rest can deal with their homophobia on their time - not yours.

Congrats again. Enjoy being the REAL you now. You'll love it!

 

im so sorry im in same position i know when i officially come out i will lose some friends but true ones dont abandon you just cos of sexuality, if you need to talk you can talk to me

were all here for ya x

 

Same thing happened to me, but i lacked the LGBTQ friends (other than all you wonderful EC people! but i dont know you IRL )

I came OUT out just before new years, on facebook and everything, and since then ive been limited profiled by too many people to list, deleted by many more, and ignored by quite a few as well. I also found at first people felt weird about commenting or talking to me via facebook. I didnt get any comments for quite awhile. But slowly, and i think this point has peaked, things started to normalize and my friends who are truly my friends are 100% behind me and everyone else kinda strayed away.

Id like to say that i dont mind people who didnt like the fact i was gay leaving my life, but thats kind of a lie I do mind, and it really does hurt. But in the end, it *is* for the best. Any friend whos really a friend will stay with you.

 

Friends come and go throughout life,but the REAL ones hang in there,through thick & thin.
I know it sucks to lose people you consider friend. I hung out with this girl from the age of 3 'til I was 16. When she found out I was a lesbian,that was that. Yeah,it hurt,it bothered the hell out of me. Eventually,I got over it .I happened to run into her a few years ago and she said hi and quickly disappeared. All I could do was laugh. What a jerk!
You'll meet other people and someday you will wonder what the hell you saw in those other "friends". Trust me,life goes on and many changes happen. You'll be okay.

 

See here's the thing I've found with facebook, it's full of fakes and distorts your perception of the kind of relationship you have with someone.

I had a friend request from a guy I used to go to secondary school (UK, 11-16yo) with the other day, which I politely declined. I can't understand why he'd want to add me, cus he honest to god spent the entire 5 years making my life hell. He'd always take the piss out of me, and not in a laughy-jokey kind of way, in a I'm-gonna-make-you-feel-like-crap-as-everyone-laughs-at-you kind of way. And now, nearly 6 years since we finished school, he suddenly wants to add me? No, he just wants to bump up the number of friends he had.

And another guy I used to work with before I left for college. There was like a facebook explosion, everyone joined and added everyone on their team. I never really spoke to this guy much, completely opposite shifts and when we did cross over he was always a bit funny, but I thought what the hell. The other day I noticed he'd added a comment on a mutual friends status, but his name was greyed out. I checked it out, and at some point he's deleted me as a friend. And for like a day I was thinking wft?

Wow, I've managed to make this all about me! Good job Simon :eusa_doh:

The point I'm TRYING to make is that yeah, facebook makes it easier to keep in touch with your friends, but it also makes it easier to keep in touch with people that you'd otherwise not really call a friend, more like a casual acquaintance. The kind of person you'd say hi to if you past them, maybe have a casual convo every now and then, but you don't know their mom's name or anything like that. I lived in student accomodation for the first 3 months of college and I'm friends with 3 of the guys from my flat, but I never speak to them. So just remember that the word "friend", when talking facebook and myspace or whatever should be used cautiously, cus most of them probably wouldn't have been "friends" before this internet thang.

Obviously I don't know the quality of the relationships you have with the people you're talking about, so this may not really apply to your situation, but just think, one of the many plusses about coming out is that you get to see your friends for who they trully are, so I say if they're gonna be petty and edit their facebooks, :***: em!

Hope things get better for you (*hug*)

 

As others above said: how close are these friends? How do you decide who is a friend on facebook?

I only have 30 or so friends on on facebook. But each and every one of them is someone that I at least talked to for more than an hour on three separate occasions (that's basically the question I always ask myself before adding someone or accepting a friend request). There's only one person on there that I never met in real life. so if anyone of those friends would snub me, I would be hurt.

Though it's very much possible that your friends are more expendable. If they are, you should forget them or wait for them to turn around. If they aren't, you could try talking to them in person...

 

Good for you for coming out even though it was pretty risky, seeing as it could have ruined your Easter.

See, I fear that my friends'll stray away from me when I come out. Have you tried talking to any of your friends and see how they feel? They may be uncomfortable with your sexuality or feel betrayed by your dishonesty (assuming that you've greatlyhidden your sexuality from them.)