If some of you have read my last threads, i told you guys that i was very nervous about telling my parents im gay, especially my dad. Well last night after coming home, i told my mom. it was quite a dramatic scene. even though i never cry, i completely let the flood gates go. after i told her, i could notice a change in here and the way that she speaks now. I told her my anxieties about telling my dad and she told me that its best he doesnt know. I dont want to tell him for fear of my life, but is it really ok to stay lying to him and be out with everyone else? When i told her that i had come out to some other friends, she was mortified and told me that she now fears for my safety since "we live in such a god damn redneck area" Everything is so difficult now. I wish i had never come out to her. i feel the worst i have ever.
Oh honey honey honey honey, aww i feel you (*hug*) The exact same thing happened/ is happening to me. (*hug*) Guess what i did? I stopped telling my mother the complete truth after that. I just stopped telling her about who i was "out" to when she FREAKED that i had told "so many of my friends already" (5 at the time or something, sigh) Well, now im 100% out and my mother does not know If i had listened to my mother and stayed a closet case however, i would be a WREAK today!!! TOTAL WREAK. I recommend listening to your own heart when it comes to coming out. If you are strong enough to take the heat by the few people who might not be ok with your sexuality, then dont stay in the closet for your mothers sake. Most often parents dont want there children to come out for selfish reasons, like being emberessed to have a gay son. Well, this is YOUR battle not hers. If your strong enough to fight it? Come out. Just dont tell her every intimate detail about who your out to if you know this is how she reacts And btw, i live in a redneck town too, but im out and proud and have yet to find anything i can handle If you need any advice, someone to just listen, ect. wall post me?
I'm really sorry you feel that bad (*hug*). It's great you came out to your mother anyway. I'm sure it took you a lot of courage to do it. In the end, she did not react that bad. Give her some time to get used to the idea. Maybe you could also give her some information material, like Pflag one for example. You can find it over the internet if there is no LGBT or Pflag support groupe in your area. For telling your father, maybe you can wait and see how things are going to evolve with your mother first. It could be a great support to have her on your side before telling your father. But in any case, it is up to you to know if you are ready to come out to him. I wish you all the best. Take care, Eleanor
i agree with greggers she knows now. dont tell her anything else she dont need to know and shes more consumed by fear than love it would seem... path to the dark side it is.... hmm anyway all u need to focus on is accepting who you are and sod the people around you and enjoy yourself. rednecks pfft i know its hard and i would leave as soon as u can to enjoy your life and live it how your supposed too unopressed see somethign to look forward too me im an idiot id prob wait till one of the stupid small town meeting things where all the rednecks get together and moan at things stand up and shout im gay anyone got a problem with it well step outside... bullys like to pick on the weak if they realise they cant bother you they tend to back down and rednecks are dumb so have a bit of gay trivia knowlledge and wrap them in it
My parents talked me into not telling my grandmother (till about 7 years after them) and I regret going along with it. It forced me to closet myself (on holidays and regular correspondence) and set a precedent for how I would allow myself to be treated. I didn't hold hands with my girlfriend till I told her so after I told her she still expected me to hide my relationship. Ignoring the existence of my long term relationships was like agreeing with them that I'm shameful. I don't buy into that idea anymore because it is bad for my mental health and for the partner who I love. You have the power to resist and stand up against how someone "makes you feel." You don't share their beliefs. Furthermore, had I delt with telling her years ago I would now have a grandmother who had been dealing with the truth for years. Seeing her fresh nonacceptance only seemed to weaken the progress I had been making with my parents. I say, get it out of the way now for the sake of your future self, mental health, and personal liberty. Let them grow into this with you. Even if they never accept you, being true to yourself is worth it in this too-short life of ours.
Aww. (*hug*) That's not the ideal response. Then again, it's probably a shock for her too. Give her some time to deal with this in her own mind. Every parent deals with it in their own way. In your case that's just by first worrying for your safety. And it's not all bad. She is afraid, but apparently she doesn't really demand that you take it back and change into being straight either. So that is still some measure of acceptance! Just try to assuage her fears if she mpentions it again. However, do not let her dictate who you can and cannot come out to. You know your own friends the best, and you're perfectly capable of deciding for yourself who to come out to!
To me, it doesn't seem like she wants you to stay quiet because it's something to be ashamed of, but because you might get jumped for it. Which is a good thing. I think. You should tell her though, that you are ready for whatever may happen. It may not comfort her (cause moms always worry), but at least she'll know that you've already made your decision.
aww, that sucks man. I am in pretty much the same boat as you. After my mom found out she wanted me to stay quiet. she said some pretty hurtful stuff like if I told my sister she would flip out and that my brother in law wouldn't want anything to do with me. Yeah those words stung............ but I am just going to wait until I am in my own place so I could be away from the drama. It hurts me everytime that I see my sis because I know I am lying to her, but maybe it is the best for now. In my situation I don't think it would be wise to rush things, but you have some totally different reasons. Unfortunately my dad passed away last july and I think that he would have been the most accepting of all. But I am going to be honest, it's gonna get worse before it gets better. There will be times that you want to say something but you have to bite your lip. but take heart, because it will get better eventually, even though it may not seem like it. Things change all the time so it won't be permanent. I hope everything works out for you in the end. I'll be praying for you (*hug*)
Yeah, the same thing happened to me. =[ It's really just not a comfortable place to be at all. When I first came out to my mom, she told me to stop telling my friends that I'm gay, and I did for a while, but I just couldn't stand to stay in the closet any longer. You should realize that she's only telling you to stop coming out nceause she wants to protect you, but whether or not you tell people is all your decision not hers, and you should never let her stop you from coming out to a friend. Also, though, don't make the mistake that I made and try to make her the bad guy in your mind. Even though she make be acting irrationally, she's only doing what she thinks is going to make you happy in the end. Try to be the mature one and tell her that you don't hate her. That might just be what helps her to realize that you know what you're doing. LOL Well I'm just rambling now. I hope all goes well for you. =] -B r e T t
awwwwwwwww :'( the same sort of thing happened with my mom. i told her i wanted to tell my brother sister and she said "i don't see why you need to tell them, it's not like you're in a relationship or anything." (which was especially discouraging since i want to be in one... lol) It's really good that you told her though! to me this seems like a good reason to want to tell him. explain that to your mom. don't be ashamed of who you are! ride: good luck!!!!
I could be interpreting this wrong, but are you saying you think telling your dad will put your life in danger? If this is the case, I strongly urge you not to tell your father any time soon. It's absolutely ok to keep lying to your father if you honestly believe telling him would put your life at risk. You are not obligated to tell anyone. Do what you think is best for you. I could just be misinterpreting that statement and blowing this whole thing out of proportion, but better safe then sorry.
My mom tried to talk me into keeping it quiet as well. I told her straight-out that I wasn't going to do that, that the time for the closet had passed and I was done living the lie. And that's what you have to do too. It's your life. You can't live it for anyone but you. Thank your mother for her advice, but tell her you're going to come out and leave it at that.
well everything seems to have turned out fine. my mom still loves me, wich is the most important thing, but i dont think ill tell my dad yet. hes a bit unknowledgable about this sort of thing, so i think if i told him, he wouldnt understand it and would be angry with me, or blame my mom. it would be her fault for making me gay. thats the way he would think.
My step dad would murder me if he found out but my mum would probably kill him if he said anything if she knew.
dont underestimate your mums strength my experience with women dont upset them 1) black eye 2) high pitched voice for a week ! 3) sleeping on sofa. if hes smart he wouldent try a blame game with her, have you shown her any pflag material? it can help maybe have some ready for when u do come out to your dad he might find it very informative take care
PFLAG would definitely help. Give it to your Mom first to help her to understand so that the two of you can help your Dad when the time comes. http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=594&srcid=416
