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This is how my parents found out.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Elesbian47, Apr 27, 2009.

  1. Elesbian47

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    I didn't know until a month later when they sat me down and put this in my hand:

    From: [email protected]
    To: [email protected]
    Subject: Elizabeth
    Date: Mon, 23 Sept 2002

    Dear Mr. and Mrs. ______,

    I just wanted to send you this e-mail so that you would have an idea about what's going on with your daughter.

    I have never done anything like this before - it is totally against my nature and I feel horrible about doing it. But Elizabeth has pulled the wool over your eyes, and I don't think it's right. I realize that this is going to cause some conflict, and for that I am truly sorry.

    She is currently involved with/seeing a woman. I know this for a fact. I have a feeling that she tries to come off as an innocent girl, but that is far from the truth. I am just worried about her - that's why I wanted to tell you. Maybe you can talk to her about it.

    There is a lot more I could let you know about Elizabeth, but I have a feeling that this is going to cause enough pain as it is.

    Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

    - a concerned friend
     
  2. Elesbian47

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    And the best part?--
    My suspicions were confirmed a week later that the person who sent it was the woman I was sleeping with!
     
  3. Lizz K

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    So that's basically the worst way to come out, and that friend is...not exactly a friend. I'm so sorry, that's ridiculous!
     
  4. Melissa

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    Are you serious? That's kinda creepy, amongst other things... What gave that person the right to send an e-mail to your parents about YOUR love-life? I mean I could understand informing them if you were selling drugs or something, but come on! People should just mind their own business. *my two cents…* ...What did you say when they showed you?

    EDIT:
    Wait... WHAT? Why would she...?
     
  5. Noah

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    Oh my goodness I'm so sorry! How did they take it?
     
  6. Eleanor Rigby

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    Oh my god Elizabeth ! I am so sorry !
    How did you parents reacted to that ?
    I don't know what to say. I think I would feel awfully angry and betrayed in I was in your place. I feel angry just thinking about it.
    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) Eleanor
     
  7. Greggers

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    Wow.

    I dont know what else to day.

    Wow.

    Did your parents take it well? Were you still seeing this woman during that month of sending the letter and your parents showing you? What did you do to her after?
     
  8. olides84

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    I don't really follow why she did this. Did she want you to be out, and this was her very strange way of doing it?
     
  9. Elesbian47

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    Reading that letter in my conservative southern baptist parents' living room was the most horrible yet freeing and exhilarating moment. They were frustrated by the smiles I let slip through. I was barely out to myself at that point as it was unthinkable to have my parents know and suddenly, THEY KNEW!!

    They had been to a religious turn-your-gay-kid-straight conference for this event and had handouts & books for me and planned monologues and wanted me to go to Love In Action straight camp.

    I informed them that I had had sex with my ex boyfriend, smoked pot, and wasn't sure about the bible or Jesus. If they wanted secrets, they could have them!

    My mom cried what seemed like always for about two years. I mostly got on with my new gay life and moved far away from the bible belt. They each said maybe 6 words to my ex gf over the five years we were together but I still visited them. Then last summer they finally visited me. They hung out with my lady and me for EIGHT days and then my mom asked me not to hold hands in front of them, as a favor to her. I was mad but didn't say anything (my problem) and then talked about my anger with my partner. As a result, there was a bit of an explosion at the lunch table, where they decided to leave the state early. Fast forward about 6 months, Stacey and I went to my grandmother's for Christmas because I wanted to come out to her (finally) in person. My grandmother smiled and hugged me and thanked me for telling her but then on the last day of our visit asked us to go to a dinner party (made for me) as just friends. Then there was a fight and my grandmother almost hit me and wrote me a letter saying that I was no longer cute or fun or loving (to which I haven't responded) and I wrote my parents a long letter telling them that they're the ones who are wrong and they wrote back that they don't have to defend the bible and they still have the same views, but they love me. ugh. That's pretty recent and I'm not sure how I plan to handle it.

    I have mixed feelings about my outing. I expect that an open discussion I began about preferences I've had since childhood would've resulted in more acceptance and fewer paid lessons in prejudice. But who knows what life I would be living right now if I wasn't outed then? I might have never gathered the nerve to live authentically, or at least would have poorly invested more years of some guy's life (and mine). I would've never moved to RI and would never have found my fiance. I've made peace with the email, the author and myself. Just not my folks.
     
  10. Elesbian47

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    Yes! Living with her, even.
    After the big conversation with my parents, I called her first thing. I asked her if she wrote it and she denied it and said that it was horrible that someone would do that to me and that we would find them and stab their faces, or somesuch. So I then went back and hung out with her which was the weirdest because I knew she really wrote it. It was crazy to watch her lying.

    I ended up moving back into the dorm mid-way through the first semester of my senior year and lucked out with an absentee roommate who I NEVER once met!
     
  11. Since they're not going to change their views I'm glad you got out of there. Seems like too much of a toxic environment. I'm sorry you had to be outed like that, but I guess it's kind of good in a way because it left you free to live your life. Plus, Providence is a far nicer place than anywhere in the South.
     
  12. Elesbian47

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    yeah, basically. And I had also just hurt her (that night?) by hooking up with her friend.
    She has borderline personality disorder, had been outed to her parents by her ex girlfriend, and she was in love with me yet I was vocal about not being her girlfriend. I guess it seemed like a good idea to her at the time... Perhaps she was directing my fate away from "LUG" (Lesbian Until Graduation), as she teased me I was.

    Here's the problem with this story, I have to admit my own transgressions in the scenario -- I played with her heart and caused her a great deal of pain. I knew that I would never marry her but I loved her company (and her sex, to be honest) and justified my lack of friendship boundaries with a verbal disclaimer, "we're not girlfriends." When she got too lovey-clingy, I went after a hot someone else to prove my singleness (and cause she was hot:wink:.

    To be fair, I had just broken up with a boyfriend of 2+ years and was for the first time able to consider dating women. I needed a place to live and she offered her extra bedroom. It was complicated, maybe. More likely I acted selfishly and karma got me in the end. :slight_smile:
     
  13. Elesbian47

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    That's my take on it, too. :icon_bigg
     
  14. Elesbian47

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    Since this thread is like, my story corner, I'll tell you a little more about this time in my life:
    I got stalked. By a robot!
    And it had a cutesy sing-songy voice that was interactive.
    It was kind of amusing at first? but then it knew what I wore that day and the thought of the dark garage after summer school became iffy. So my roommate took me to school and back for a week or two!
    And then she showed me a journal she'd kept about the whole experience of robot stalking me. lol
     
  15. Elesbian47

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    And she told an online friend of mine that I had AIDS but never admitted to that one.
    And she had a keylogger and used my password to read my diary and my emails.
    Actually, my whole friend group read my diary and my emails.
    Kids, that's the thing (one of the things) about cheating on people -- the friends side with the person who got cheated on.

    I feel like too much of a jerk to share her suicide attempt stories.
    But this reminds me that before I wound up in the dorm, I temporarily lived with my best guy friend of four years who almost killed himself while I was there.
     
  16. Elesbian47

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    And lets not forget that my car was spray painted

    and someone emailed my naked pictures to my parents!!
    The email said they were my advertisements for my orgies!
     
  17. Legnaj

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    you had a rough comming out. I commend you for being able to carry yourself high during tough times.
     
  18. funkmonk

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    It sucks to be outed to your parents it happened to me :frowning2:
     
  19. silas99

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    Wow! I'm speechless after reading your story! Its one of the worst and best coming out stories. Worst because it must have been such a shock and no-one had the right to out you before you were ready. Best because you handled it so well and you're doing so well now. I hope one day your parents will accept your fiance as their family, but as you said...this is their problem not yours. Keep strong matexxx(*hug*)
     
  20. Jim1454

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    Sorry - but this made me laugh! People, people, people... don't let other people take naked pictures of you! You NEVER know where they might end up!

    I'm sorry you had such a rough time. It's too bad you can't have a better relationship with your family.