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Letter to the Parents worked

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Halpert, Apr 28, 2009.

  1. Halpert

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    Well,

    My parents got the letter when they picked up my stuff yesterday. I called them after my exam and got the reaction I was expecting, sort of.

    I talked to my mom, she asked me if I was sure and how I knew. She told me my brother suspected that he was for awhile and maybe I'm just confused. When I told her I was pretty sure from the end of middle school she dropped that. But then she did something I didn't expect; she asked me if I want to get help and fix it. I told her I wasn't sure this is something I could fix, but we'll have to see. That definitely caught me off guard.

    Then she pulled out an even bigger shock. She asked me where God is in all of this, and proceeded to tell me it doesn't sound like he is. Great, my parents think I'm a heathen. I told her I don't know and couldn't really think of anything else to say. I couldn't believe she asked me that.

    That's about all we talked about on the phone. She did tell me at the end that she thinks its a choice, but they love me no matter what.

    After the phone conversation, I decided it would be best to come home last night. When I got home my parents didn't say much. My mom told me that she was sorry for what she said on the phone and she didn't mean to judge me. They said as my parents, they're here to love me, not judge me, they'll leave the judging up to God. And that was that, after that they went to bed.

    I understand that they're in total shock but I was a little disappointed we didn't talk about it more. But oh well, its done, now we can start the long process of everything getting back to normal.
     
  2. aerwolfen

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    congrats on having the strength on telling your parents,its a hard move,you conquered that small battle,and you have very understanding and willing parents,its good to have that support behind you,and you'll have more obstacles in life to hurdle over,but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders,i wish you much luck in your future.
     
  3. Mirko

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    Hi there! First off, congratulations on coming out to your family. I'm glad that you were able to come out to them.

    It will take for your parents to come around. They have to adjust to it and they have to re-align perhaps some of their dream, and aspirations for you and their beliefs. All of this will take time. As you said, things will get back to 'normal' eventually.

    You are an important part in their process to understand you and what it means to be gay better. You are the best person to educate them. Not sure, but have you given them some educational PFLAG material with your letter? If you haven't, maybe print some educational material out for them. Here is a link to a pamphlet which might help a bit: http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Daughters_Sons.pdf
     
  4. Alex19

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    well, r u somewhat religious? if so, like ive found out when it comes to God, that youll have to find out on your own where he fits in. i think ive found it. hard to explain where, but i know for a fact my relationship with him has never been stronger. its weird, actually. it took me finding myself to really begin to think about/appreciate God. but thats just from a religious (barely- more agnostic) kids view. youll figure things out.
     
  5. Jim1454

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    Congratulations on coming out. That's awesome!

    With respect to God... Well I believe that God made me who I am, and rather than fight it, which caused me no end of grief and suffering, I'm goign to 'go with it' now. And as a result, my life is 100x better! So I firmly believe that God is as present in your life and in my life as He is in their lives.

    Congrats again!
     
  6. BasketCase

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    Well done on going through with it and although you didnt get the best reaction it does sound as if it could have been alot worse.
     
  7. beckyg

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    Congratulations, it sounds like your Mom will be just fine after she learns a little bit more about homosexuality. Definitely download the PFLAG materials. You can also recommend a book called "Now that You Know" to her. This book was really helpful to both me and my husband when our son came out.
     
  8. paco

    paco Guest

    dont worry about the god thing too much. if God is all knowing, understanding and passionate he's not gonna put you on this world, make you gay and send you to hell for it. that sounds more like something a giant douche would do. "god hates gays" is probably a skewed interpretation of the bible since man has translated it into many different languages that probably dont even have all of the same words that the original bible was written in.
     
  9. BitterEdge

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    well congrats, your parents will indeed come around more trust me.
     
  10. DexterMorgan

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    Congrats man!

    It will take a while for your parents to cope.
     
  11. Bryan44

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    Congrats!! Just give your parents some time.
     
  12. Halpert

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    Thanks guys!

    I left the PFLAG pamphlet Our Daughters and Sons wiht the letter, my mom said she skimmed through it. I have no idea how much of it she actually read though. They didn't bring it up at all today, but I was expecting that I guess.

    We're a fairly religious family, not right wing, fundamentalist bible thumpers, but God is a large, if not the largest part of our lives. We'll talk about it eventually for sure. Hopefully we can watch For the Bible Told Me So at some point, but I won't force it on them.

    For now I'll leave it where it's at and let them bring it up if and when they want to.
     
    #12 Halpert, Apr 28, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2009
  13. Mickey

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    You wrote that your mom said your brother went through this,but he's "okay"now?
    I hope she realizes that this is NOT necessarily going to happen,with you.
    I'm proud of you for coming out,that is very brave.
    Like has been said,give then time and try to educate them,as well.
    I think,given some time & space,they'll come around. All the best to you.
     
  14. xequar

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    "Are you a heathen?"

    "Absolutely."

    Conversation done.
     
  15. Halpert

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    Thanks!

    She understands that I know this for sure, and am not just confused. I think she was trying to suggest, and hoping, that maybe I'm like my brother; just confused and worried.

    As for the whole God thing, I've really come to terms with it over the last little while. For the Bible Told Me So and Prayers for Bobby helped a lot. Accepting that God accepts me for who I am took a huge load off me.
     
  16. Magnet

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    Congratulations :thumbsup:
     
  17. SAGUY84

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    Have your parents had a chance to watch these 2 movies yet? If not, i suggest sitting and watching them together!
     
  18. kramer362

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    Just a thought... it would suck if your brother was gay or bisexual as well and just decided to ignore it to make your parents happy. Besides giving them a false sense of hope for you, he may be suffering silently. It's weird thinking straight people would be wondering if they're gay unless they've felt some kind of same sex attraction. :confused: