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My Story--It's Been a Long Time Coming

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Noah, May 4, 2009.

  1. Noah

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    I was encouraged by a fellow EC member to share my story in the coming out forum after seeing the post on private schools in California being allowed to kick girls out for being gay. I didn't want to do this at first because I don't really like drawing attention to myself, and I know there are many many people with actual horror stories. However, some of you may learn a valuable lesson from this.

    For two years of my high school I went to a school in GA that could only be defined as a cult. It was based on Christianity, but not on the love and compassion that Jesus showed. I know many, many people who came out of that place scarred for life. I have tried to overcome the damage it has done to me but it hasn't been easy. Finally, I quit the school and transferred to another, slightly less conservative school. I remember being thrilled that they had school dances :slight_smile:

    Starting over is never easy, but I am a people person. I soon had a variety of friends and was comfortable among all the cliques. However, my very best friend was named Jonathan. He had been with me through the cult school, and had suffered even more than me. I was always there for him, and he was always there for me.

    The summer after my Junior year, I decided I could no longer live a lie. I posted a note on facebook, and tried to make it sound as scary as possible. The note stated that the friends who messaged me could know the truth about me. I had come out to a few friends before, but not many.

    This is the worst way to come out btw. Don't do it. Soon rumors began to spread like wildfire. One of the people who found out was another buddy of mine. He had been through hard times at the cult school right along side me. As soon as he heard about me, he called my parents and told them.

    Needless to say this is not the way I wanted to come out. They thought it was something they had done, or something the cult school had done. They thought it was a phase, they thought God could cure me, they thought therapy could cure me, the one thing they didn't do was kick me out of the house.

    I began to see therapists, I've seen a total of four to date. All have been "Christian counselors" and thus not associated with the APA or any other major organization. They did nothing drastic but just told me to keep my options open. lol, yeah right.

    About a week and a half later, when the family was still reeling from the shock, I got a tip from a teacher that the school knew, and her job was in jeopardy if they found out she had talked to me.

    3 days later the school held a meeting with my parents and told them I was no longer welcome at their school. To avoid legal trouble, they said I was welcome to stay but I needed to quit all activities other than classes, and I couldn't attend any school trips. This happened 2 weeks before school was due to start. I had already purchased my supplies and my books. There was no possible option for any other school. I had a 3.9 GPA, was the yearbook editor, FCA, Honor Society, Student Council, Dean's List, etc.
    I had enough credits to finish school legally, so I "graduated". Unfortunately, the school refused to graduate me.

    I spent the next three months working and being bored at home. A bored, depressed teenager is a terrible thing. If you are depressed, look at your schedule. Do you have a lot of time alone? Force yourself to go outside, take up art or music. I found solace in my photography and ipod. I hadn't heard from Jonathan in a while, so I arranged to meet him. We talked about being gay, and he told me in no uncertain terms that he "didn't agree with what I was doing" and was probably going to hell. The pastor of my church was called in by my parents, and he was nicer and more reasonable then anyone else. However, he was still convinced it was a sin to life a gay life.

    In the course of 2 months I had lost my God, my family, my best friend and several other close friends, and my school. In essence I lost everything. I became convinced that suicide was the way out. I kept the Trevor Hotline on speed dial, but I never called. One day my parents were gone, and I opened the medicine cabinet to decide which medicines would combine the most lethally. I didn't want to fail. By what I still believe is a miracle, my friend called me at that exact moment, and "talked me down". From then on I had moments when I wanted to swing my car into oncoming traffic, or into a pole. Depression is hell, but I couldn't go to my couselors because they were convinced I was a sinner.

    During that time I met JR, and he showed me what a boyfriend could be like. He was sweet, caring, and patient. However, I was too torn up from life to deal with having a boyfriend and lying to my parents. It got very hard. I finally wrote them a letter explaining everything including the suicide attempt. They immediately sent me to another therapist, who again said that I was living in sin. My parents and I did grow closer, because we felt each other's pain. My dad and I became closer than we were before, which was very close. We are now almost best friends.

    JR came to my church to see me, and he has been coming every Sunday. My parents are very disappointed that I would date him, but they are letting me make the call. At least, my dad is. My mom is not so good about it. She still tells me to do things like drop the pitch of my voice, or ask who I'm texting, or to not dance around and have fun.

    College is very soon, and I know my parents will be there for me eventually.

    Keep your head up, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Forgive those who hate you, destroy their hate with your love. Never judge anyone else. Always be true to yourself. And never let anyone else tell you who you are or who you should be. (&&&)
     
  2. Noah

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    Sorry this is so insanely long. It's hard to even look at. But I think it's worth reading, or at least skimming. I tried to cut it down in editing and this is as far as I got....:frowning2:
     
  3. EM68

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    Thanks for sharing your story Noah. I am sorry to hear what happened to you in school. I am glad that you have found someone ans your parents even though they may not agree with the fact you are gay at least giving you some space.
     
  4. olides84

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    Noah, thanks for sharing this. I'm so happy that your friend called at that moment in time, and that you've emerged with such strength and resolve to be proud of who you are. (*hug*)
     
  5. Bryan44

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    Thanks for sharing Noah. You have come so far in all of this. You are a very strong person!
     
  6. Thisisnew

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    Wow I'm sorry you had to go through all of that thanks for sharing.
     
  7. Greggers

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    Noah, thank you for sharing that (*hug*)

    It ment a great deal to me, because i went to a "cult" school like you described, but i never had the guts nor courage to escape it or come out that early. That shows a great deal of courage and strength you have right there.

    Ive been down the suicide path too (*hug*) and im sooo glad a friend talked you down, because your story and its message are a VERY powerful one my friend. It would be horrible to lose that!

    And one day i hope i can meet someone like this JR :slight_smile: Damn, i could really use someone like that haha. But your story gives me hope that maybe i can, and maybe sooner than i think. So again, thank you.
     
  8. GhostDog

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    Wow.

    I can't really find much more to say. I'm impressed by your strength, frankly, after all that.

    Just... damn. Thank you for sharing that, hard as it may be for you to look at! I think I teared up a little bit towards the end.

    <3 <3 <3
     
  9. Prccgeek

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    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that, but I am so glad to see that you came back from all of it. You are so strong!
     
  10. Lacan

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    Thanks for sharing Noah! You should be so proud of the maturity and strength you've shown in dealing with an awful set of circumstances. You're the kind of person who makes us all feel stronger =)
     
  11. Sanssouci

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    Thanks for sharing Noah, that was really interesting, and I'm glad it sounds like you're going to college. That will definitely be an amazing experience for you. To have come out of what you did so well rounded requires strength I can only dream about, and a strength none of us would want to need. Well done.
     
  12. Noah

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    Thanks everyone for your kind words! I don't see myself as someone who is very strong or mature, I'm just a kid :slight_smile: But I appreciate everything you guys had done for me, I hope this is my chance to do something back :slight_smile:
     
  13. Pvand

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    Thanks for sharing. I hope you will find some true happiness when you go to college.

    Your Story made me reflect on my current situation. I'm going to Uni next year and I'm moving to Amsterdam. My dad doesn't want me to go, but I now realise I have to go. For me.

    Like you said, depression is hell.
     
  14. Fiorino

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    Wow, thanks for sharing that story.

    Hopefully, things will pick up when you go to college.

    (*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  15. Magnet

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    Thanks for sharing this Noah :slight_smile: