So like yesterday [May 14 2009 at 23:22] while I was still in my teens; I went to my mums room and handled her a piece of paper with something written by me. It said I'm gay and that is nobody's fault... and stuff like that. She's the first family member I tell She said, four times, "it's not true, it's a lie" Conversation went on, and she thinks this "happened" for some reason. She also thinks I'm confused and she hopes I realize the truth. Good side, she loves me still and all. Now I feel all weird and... awkward, and have a HUNDRED emotions going on. Toughts on this please. PLEASE.
That sounds like one of the classic stages of grief. It's something she's going to need time to come to terms with. It can be a shock. Give her a little bit before you bring it up again, I'd say. The best thing you can do is hold your ground. It's not a choice, it didn't "happen", and you sure as hell know yourself better than anyone else! If you're sure, you're sure, and over time, she'll have to see that you aren't just confused. I'm sorry it didn't go well for you. Hopefully, with some time, she'll come around. In the meanwhile, we're here for you! <3
She's known for a few hours, you've known for...how long now? So even though she said these things, I'd say give her some slack. And it's great that she said she still loves you. It's a big deal, coming out to your mom, so try to control your emotions, act as normal as possible these coming days/weeks, and be open to talking and answering her questions or concerns. Oh, and Happy Birthday!
Same thing happened to me. My mother told me she loved me still, but that it was a phase, not to call myself gay, not to come out to anyone else, ect. ect. ect. Bad part? There is not a whole lot you can do without causing a bigger rift. Good part? With time she is going to learn to accept it in her own way. What can you do until that day? Give her time, give her space, and help ease her onto the right path of thinking without angering or frustrating her. Small things such as giving her a PFLAG handout, sitting her down at a computer or TV to watch a film like "For the bible tells me so", "Prayers for Bobby", "Milk" or otherwise (whatever you think best suits what your mothers way of thinking is right now). And dont ever let down your stand. Make sure she knows that you didnt choose this and that you wont and cant ever change. Dont do that in a mean way, but even if you said it to her before she needs to be reminded time to time because as previous posters have said she may be in denile. What you tell her today may not stay till tomorrow. Also, your not alone (*hug*) Your NEVER alone, got that? You always have EC. Even though you may not know us in real life, see us face to face, hear our voices, just know that we are real and we are here for you. No matter how bad it gets you have friends here. We will always be at the ready to help and guide you no matter what happens.
Congrats on coming out, and Happy Birthday! Just give your mom time. What she says or thinks isn't going to change the fact that you're gay. So don't let it stress you out. Just go with the flow, and help her through this. Don't be really 'in your face' about it, but don't go back into the closet either. Keep being YOU. Good luck!
my mom reacted the same way she basicly said "i don't imagine you being with another man so you must be confused" (*hug*)
So now I'm more calmed I think. Other things she said were "So you like your male friends?" - No. "So you're gonna live with a man someday?" - I don't know what might happen tomorrow. "Why don't you like women?" - For the same exact reason you don't like them. "Why don't you try?" - I'm tired of trying. "I'm just afraid that a man could hurt you, they might rape you" - Like... If I were gay or not, a man could rape me. "But someone can give you AIDS or something" - A woman can as easily AIDS. One thing I didn't saw coming at all, was: "I never expected this" - You sure? "Yes, I never EVER expected this". So this made me think she's ignorant more than anything, and also that she thinks I'm gonna become VERY flamboyant, or a whore, or a rappist or some of those bad stereotypes ppl know... GhostDog: thank you for answering like immediately, it really did helped me last night, I know I'm sure about this, I will show how sure I am. Olides: I am already controlling my emotions, more than controlling I am analyzing stuff and making myself calm with some of my own answers. I'll be as normal as possible, and Thank you! Greg: I will give her all the time she needs, and I will somehow softly handle her some of the facts of this situation. I just HOPE it takes very very few time... Jim: Thank you and thank you. one thing I assured my mom is that the way she has seen me all this years day by day wont change, I have always been like this and I will always be, so it's not gonna change anything, just the fact that she knows a lil bit more about me. I'll go with the flow, like helping it flow too of course. Thank you all again for your thoughts. More advice is needed and well accepted u_u
I can't really add anything new,but I want to wish you the best. I totally agree with the other posters. Give her space & time and honestly answer any and all questions,she may have. 30 years ago(shhh,don't tell anyone! lol!) my mom said pretty much the same things to me. After a little while,she adjusted and now she's my biggest supporter. I know...I'm lucky,and you may be pleasantly surprised,one day,that YOUR mom might be yours,also. All the best to you,sweetie. Time has a way of helping us through these things.
It seems that she's just in shock really. It's a very big thing to take - especially if she didn't even suspect. Give her some space, and some time, to think it through and then either bring it back up in a few days time or wait until she does. Talk to her at length - answer any questions she has and try to knock the stereotypes right out of her. Good luck.
Hi there! Sorry to hear about your mum's reaction. It can be at times hard for parents to come around to it at first. As it was said above, give her time, space and try to keep talking with her. You are best person to educate her and to let her know that it is normal and that you will not change as a result of coming out. Answer any questions that she might have honestly and try to reassure here that you are still the same person and you haven't changed. Try giving your mum some of the PFLAG publications, which you can download from their website. This is the Spanish translation of "Our Sons and Daughters", which provides some answers to some of the questions that your mum might have or be dealing with at the moment: http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Nuestras_hijas.pdf I hope all turns out well for you. (*hug*)
Thank you Mickey, kettle too. Advice is VERY apreciated, and thank you Asteroid, that errrmmm "document" seems VERY helpful and precise for my case, I'll really considerate handling it to my mother. Thank you all again.
Im mexican as well and I know how tough it is to come out, prepare yourself emotionally because your mom is gonna be sayig things that shes not going to mean, and its going to hurt your feelings. So try to separate your feelings from that. Also, i handed my mom some info because she rhought somwone or something had made me gay, go on google and sear for recursos para padres de chicos gays. It explains EVERYTHING. Hang in there bud!
From my limited experience working in a Mexican border town and having conversations with the staff at the place I worked, I think there is probably a larger percentage of religious bias that translates to a cultural bias than is found in many parts of the US. Your mother probably doesn't have a lot of experience with other out, gay people so it's most likely something that's just pretty foreign to her. And the poster who talked about the stages of grief is right on... denial is the first stage, and some parents go through it very rapidly (minutes) others can take years. Sounds like yours is already starting toward the process of rationalizing it and dealing with it. It also sounds like she's supportive and more concerned about your health and safety than about your burning in hell or embarrassment to the family or whatever that is often an issue for parents that haven't confronted the issue before. It sounds like you've handled the situation flawlessly and your mother is dealing with the situation pretty well. It probably won't be problem free, but I'd say give it a bit of time and I think you'll be fine.
dmblue, Muchas gracias por el consejo, I'll try to give her some info one of these days. calchip, she is like 50% about family values, not so straight thinking, BUT she doesn't likes gays at all, I think. Thank you for the support, it's VERY appreciated.
Kryz man, I have the feeling my mom (and others too) would react that way, and that is the sole reason why I am so afraid to come out. I mean, come on, how would one feel if their own relative keeps on telling them that what they are going through now (as if it is a game) is just a "phase" that is bound to get away in time I pray that your mom comes to accept you and your orientation, soon, and pray for me the same.
Btw, just as a matter of interest: What is the attitude towards homosexuality in Mexico? I mean is homosexuality accepoted there as in USA, Canada, etc, or are they against sauch practices?
Well here in the city is fully accepted, it's even legal for two men to get into a "convivence society"; which gives them many of the legal rights married couples have. Outside the city, it's a WHOLE different story, ppl even get's killed for it. And my mum comes from a place outside the city so... yeah.
