My best friend lives in San Diego cause he's in the Marines and he's coming home to visit in a few weeks. I've been wanting to tell him for over a year now and he's definitely been the hardest one to bring myself to tell because we're like brothers and I had no clue where he stands... tonight I finally did it on AIM. I had to beat around the bush and create some buildup because I'm a huge pussy and have to do it in small steps, otherwise I just won't do it. He reacted great but every response was delayed and I think he didn't really know how to take it. I mean he said the right things because he's a great guy and would never drop me as a friend or anything, but I think it might be weird for him. I just hope he's dealing with it and it won't be awkward when he comes home... It's not such a weight off because of the vibe he gave me, and he set his away message to "going for a walk" and I know he's by myself so maybe he's thinking it over. BUT he said the right things for the most part, I was just hoping he'd ask questions. I'll give it some time.
If it's a surprise to someone, it will often take them a little time to adjust. Their schema (the "structure", if you will, that comprises all of their beliefs about who you are) has to change fairly significantly in order to accommodate this new piece of information, and so it's not uncommon for someone just learning of the situation to not really know what to say or how to respond until they've had time to really process it and make sense of it in terms of how they already know you. Remember you've known about it for a while but he hasn't had that luxury so give it a week or two and I'm sure it will be fine, it just takes a little adjustment.
Well done, mate! If he's said so many positive things i wouldn't worry too much, it's obviously been a bit of a shock for him to find out and given a little time for it to sink in no doubt you'll be as close as ever. Good luck!
Thanks guys! Yeah I'm feeling more positive after a good night's sleep. It takes some time to adjust but I think just going by his initial reaction that things will be fine; I'm pretty sure he thinks pretty highly of me as we've seen some other friends do some fucked up things but I've never screwed anyone over, so he'll realize being gay isn't immoral or sick if he ever thought that. I only say this because his family is baptist... he isn't a follower per se but he believes in God. Any advice on how to open the subject up more though? I gave him an opening to ask anything he wanted and he didn't really take advantage. I love when people ask questions because I figure that means they are comfortable...
I couldn't understand it when my parents didn't ask a lot of questions. But they simply had no idea what to ask - and worried that they would offend me. So... you'll likely have to bring it up again. Either in an obvious way ("So, I really dropped a bombshell the other night - how are you feeling about my news?") or in a more subtle way ("What's new with me? Oh, not much. I was out for a coffe last night with a nice guy I've met. We had a nice time...") Congratulations though on coming out to him.
Well I gave him an opening to ask anything he wanted without offending me and he didn't really take advantage. He knows I don't get offended ever; I've known him a long time and was at his house daily for like 5 years until he went into the Marines and I don't think we've been in a single argument. I'd like to bring it up again, but I don't want him to just say "ok" and then not actually ask me anything. Should I just hope he brings it up himself to ask anything he's wondering?
Well - he might not have any questions. I mean, really, what is there to ask? So when he asks "What's new?" then maybe that's your opportunity to slip in the odd 'gay' thing.
Yeah I guess it's not necessary. I guess it's just cathartic for me when I get a chance to open up a little and know someone can at least get a feeling for what I was going through. As frustrating as it is for some I like getting asked the whole "how did you know?" or "when did you first think you might be gay?" shpeel.
For some friends, I actually *asked* them to ask me questions It gave a way to talk about it with them. But that's probably just me. Do what you feel most comfortable with.
i think hell ask if he wants to. if your that good a friends, there is obviously a certian amount of openness with you guys. i, last thursday, texted my cousin, talking about nothing really, then asked her: "what did you think when you found out i liked guys?" then SHE started asking ?'s and it went from there. she is great about it, thank God, and i feel more honest and open with her b/c of it. if it came down to it, after you let it sink in for your friend, of coarse, then you can ask him ?'s and im sure in return hell ask you his.
Hope he is cool when he arrives, give him time it can be a shock for some people. He just needs to get his head round it.
Yeah, the reason I chose to do it now is because I wanted him to be able to mull it over if he needed for a bit before coming home. I was just hoping he'd ask questions... I mean when he's home we'll definitely hang out but I feel like neither of us will wanna bring it up to talk about in person and it'll be an elephant in the room. The good thing is it isn't gonna change any aspect of our friendship for the most part. We have a lot in common as far as interests and sense of humor, and it's not like some shallow friendship where our only common ground was talking about girls. In fact I rarely talked about girls unless I actually found one attractive, but it never went beyond saying she's hot (I'm gay, not blind) because I can't stomach being phony. Girls and dating with me were just something we didn't talk about because it was obvious something was a bit off. I just hope he deals with this and it can make us even closer because then we can truly talk about ANYTHING. Coming out to another friend resparked our friendship as we had drifted, but he was accepting of gay people even before that. I just hope it doesn't do the opposite with this friend...
it took 5 months for my friend to start asking questions. Time is good. Did you say he was bi or by himself?
