How to come out?

Hey mate I am in the same state as you and want to come out and have not yet. You are 16 and that is great at your age to accept your sexuality. I when I was your age was no where near acceping my sexuality and then there was no internet either in order to find forums like this.

Well I guess what can help you is to join a gay youth group in your area. There you can get the support and help in this.

 

First off, congrats on accepting yourself, that is a very hard stage to get across, but thankfully that's over with.

Coming out is a tricky business sometimes, you don't always know how things are going to turn out. It's like poker (theoretically), you don't know what kind of cards the other person has or if they are putting up a poker face to try and fool you. Like for me some people that I suspected might not accept me, ended up being totally cool with it. You never know.

Having said that, I think a good route would be telling a friend you trust enough to be accepting enough to be mature about it, or one that would be totally accepting. And these situations are in my opinion best done in person. The internet is a handy tool, but with today being so convenient to share information, If you share one thing with one person, it might spread like wildfire from person to person, and you might end up having someone finding out that you wouldn't want to know right away.


As for bringing it up, I'm sorry there is really no set way of actually doing it without of course saying flat out "I'm gay" (I don't recommend that one). Just easing into a conversation works, but just remember to only come out when your ready for it and most comfortable, things can turn sour real quick if things get out of hand. There is no need to rush things, because you are making a life changing decision, you'll have plenty of time to sort it out.

I hope I have helped out a little bit in some way, shape or form and good luck on getting to where you need to be . Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat, K? :smilewave

~Mav~

 

Well, ill try and give some advice...

First off, make sure that with the school your are currently attending you would be physically and emotionally safe if you were outed to every single last person at the school, staff AND students. You need to be able to face whatever negative things would come of that.

When you start coming out, expect it to eventually reach a point were word starts to spread around to people you have not told. You can really only contain it so long. In *some* cases, it wont spread to everyone at the school, but you should be ready for that to happen before you start the coming out process because if you dont prepare yourself for worse case scenario then your treading into dangerous waters.

In the case that you dont think you could handle your entire school knowing you should a) wait until after you change schools or graduate b) only come out to your most trusted select few family and friends who your 99.9% sure wont spread it around.

Apart from school, the other major thing you want to know before coming out is if your parents would react SO negativity that you might be kicked out of the house. This is a rare response, but not so rare that it never happens. Make sure your parents are not *so* homophobic they would turn to that. I would not hold out on coming out to your parents if they might re-act negativity however, only if they would kick out you. Its actually not too bad coming out to your parents even if they are disappointed your gay for the sole reason they are the people who should and normally do love you the most.

Ok, sorry to be "that guy" who always looks at the negative side, but someone has to right? If you have all that settled and your ready to come out, that is were your going to have to do it your own way. Just know however you do it, face to face, e-mail, letter, or whatever it is, as long as you tell them you are gay you are sucessful. There really is no "best way" to come out. Its a personal thing. You choose how you want to come out to people on a case by case basis. If your too scared to do it in person, just write a letter or e-mail. If you care about someone deeply and you have a good relationship, you can meet for lunch and tell them then.

A good coming out is a coming out your comfortable doing. (*hug*) If you take anything from my long and horrible rant, just remember that one sentence.

 

i agree with greggers only come out to those you can trust not to gossip and make sure family are cool with it.

i would say tell your parents and your brother seperate he might need a bit more talking to understand and it might be harder for him to accept if he doesent understand as it seems hes aware atleast of strerotypes and negatives....

take care

 

First congrats on coming out to yourself, you got there a lot faster then I did. You should come out to whoever you feel will be the most receptive and supportive.

Don’t beat yourself up over not being able to tell anyone at first, I had that exact same problem. (See the threat AHHHH why is this so hard, if you want). The first few are the hardest, but it does get easier.

Try telling one person you really trust, then live with it a few days then try to tell another person.

 

You got some great advice here. Do trust your instincts, and don't feel that there's a right way/time/technique for coming out.

Lex

 

dont tell your parents in a letter i made that mistake. makes their minds wonder too damn much.

 

I agree with greggers and j shcuelke, i think thats how you spell it, start out with a good friend that your sure won't gossip, then gradually start telling other good friends. At least thats my plan... now just to figure out how to tell them... hmm oh and i'd avoid telling the family too, at least until you get old enough to move out of the house and support yourself financially.


but it's what i'm going to do. What do i know you should think it out carefully and don't be too .. uhh whats the word... i think its pushy .. i think... hm. anyways best of luck to you don't get too tangled up in it:bang: