kk, this friend has said a few bad things about gay guys in the past. i gauged that his reaction may not be that supportive or favorable, but i went out on a limb and told him since most ppl already know and hed prob find out from somewhere else was talking about friends hooking up at parties and said that i was sad cause im not getting any action, then assuming he knew said i guess it makes it more difficult being gay. he changed the subject real fast and started asking me other questions, just ignoring my comment. then P says: u knew i was gay right??/ G says: what ?. G says: gay? P says: yea,,, G says: lol...? G says: haha u 4 real? P says: lol i srs G says: what? P says: i think most ppl know now P says: lol anyway glad im honest with u now G says: kk rightio im not your friend nemore jokes haha its all gud. P says: sweet G says: whatever floats your boat,. P says: well, yeah or however youre born and cant change P says: took me a while to accept myself but now im cool with it and its made me a more accepting person [*awkward silence* (he started typing a few times then decided not to)] P says: so... how was ur weekend? k a little hard to tell on msn, but how do u guys take his reaction??
He's probably not completely comfortable about it, but that could conceivably range from mild surprise to fairly substantial homophobia. As you say, it's difficult to tell from an msn convo - you should probably bring it up with him in person; he may just need to be talked through some of his issues...
kudos on coming out, but it seems he isnt too used used to the idea of it yet... best to give him some more time
Yeah you can thank yourself for the awkward silence... He doesn't want your life stroy about accepting yourself...that's just awkward,,, CONGRATS though
welldone for having the guts to come out its a reaction im used to seeing.... he aint very happy with it but its his problem it dont reflect bad on you live your life if hes a rfiend hell be there for you
I can't gauge the reaction because the quoted text is gibberish. Anyways congratulations and I hope it goes over well.
if its an exact quote i recognise the attitude its awkwardness its a friendship with someone who you dont agree with who they are.... i to should stress congratulations though the strngth to come out to someoen even when you think they may not take it well
Coming out via IMs FTW. Congrats on coming out to someone when you assumed their reaction would be less then good. I really can't tell through an MSN conversation how well he took it. but congrats that took courage.
it seems hes uncomfortable with talking about this but some people just dont know how to react to things like this. just give him some time and maybe slowly bring the subject up again but dont push the subject too much
Perhaps youre right there... i just wanted to show to him that its not a choice and not something i can change, and even that its okay if it takes time to accept, because it did for myself. i think a lot of people dont know that. anyway, i felt really comfortable about telling him. no nerves, no loss of sleep etc. i wasnt even planning on telling him, it just happened. hes not a really close friend, and he said a breif 'hi' to me today, as normal.
That bit is not too good in my opinion. There's a Russian saying (and possibly an English one, but I don't know) that there is some truth in every joke. He seems like he is just going to ignore it and pretend that it didn't happen. But who knows, that;s just my thoughts not knowing the guy or your situation
So do you know this person, in person, or is he strictly an IM buddy? Next time you chat be sure to ask how hiz last party, date, or last night out went. See where he goes with it. "just fine" or "[details & stuff]"
nah i see him in person at school. i figured he'd have a tough time dealing with it, because when he found out this other guy at my school was gay (not a friend), his reaction was: "aww thats so wrong" "Thats so weird" "yuck" and he was telling a few people about it including me. in hindsight, it may have been better not to tell him, but oh well, its done now so anyway it might be my wishful thinking that his opinion might change if he knew a friend was gay. do you think?
Polly-- Yep, I think it can make a HUGE difference. When someone he knows comes out he encounters phobias and prejudice striaght on. He will balance his choice- Reject the friend he's known in favor of some prejudgment, or Reject the prejudgment and accept the friend. Either way, he will learn something about himself, as will you. Similarly, its easy to state publicly that homosexuality is wrong when you don't know any friends or family members who are gay. Once your love is tested, however, you have an opportunity to question whether you want to continue to repeat the judgment you have heard and perhaps spoken many times, or whether you want to re-examine that assessment with new information. blah, blah, blah. I'm way too technical and analytical. The answer is YES, give him a chance to come around. Maybe just ask him if he thinks what you told him was really wierd. Then remind him that its not a choice you make, its just who you are. I'll hope he hear good news on an update.
ive talked to him a fair bit at school now. He seems to be completely as he was before i told him. I think its very possible that he is just pretending it didn't happen. The thing is, he still makes derogatory comments about gay people in everyday conversation a hell of a lot. Im not sure if he means them to be derogatory though... He says "thats so gay" when something goes wrong, and when he wants to insult someone he calls them a faggot or poofter. But dont get me wrong, he is the nicest guy apart from those things.
I find a lot of people say That's so gay without even meaning it. We hear it so much in todays society it just becomes part of our vocab. I'm not saying it's okay by any means. But maybe your friend isn't meaning to say it to discriminate against us gays. I can bet at least once, all of you have accidently let that phase slip at least once. I know I have :icon_sad: I came out to my brother almost a year ago. And I knew he wouldn't be the most supportive, but I did it anyway just like you. And after, he was fine with it. Sure he still says, that's so gay, or make fun of friends using the words "queer" and "fag". But deep down, he tells me he supports me, he just doesn't want to go to high school and be made fun of for supporting people like you and me. You're friend may possibly be the same way. It could be a front for friends so they don't know he supports gay people. I may possibly be way far off but most the times in these situations (for me) thats the case. You don't need to worry. If he is a true friend, he will accept you for who you are and not let the fact you are gay over shadow your friendship and who you really are. Oh and congrats on coming out to him.:icon_bigg
