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My First Thought And The Events That Followed

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by jonny, Jul 3, 2009.

  1. jonny

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    I'm not sure if this ever came up but I'm too lazy to look. lol

    The more I read all I see is coming out stories, not saying thats bad, but I guess I just what to a little more background development to the story.

    I want not only to know what it felt like to come out, but how u felt when u first felt attracted to guys or girls, at what point did u think u might have been gay and how u came to accept it, then finally the coming out story.

    You can write in as little or as much detail as you want, preferably more detail. I want to hear or read all the sob stories, all the sad moments and all the happy ones. I'm here to listen so please write our stories here.

    You can post in parts just number them. You don't have to be out to post much like myself maybe after this we will be able to and come to terms with the fact that were gay if we haven't already. Feel free to comment.

    So here it goes my story...

    I'm not looking for pity but I can't say my childhood has been all that enjoyable for some reason since I was in primary school "my friends" (like I had any) always seem to want to decide my sexuality for me, who knew they would be right. Although they called me names like gay, queer, etc, I doubt they called me that for the reason I call myself gay today. Where I'm from being gay is associated with being weak and frail but it's not that I was weak, just never fought back, I'm a pacifist lol. Boy! Are they misinformed, just makes its harder for us. Mind you I was attracted to girls back then guys never crossed my mind. I guess i was just going at it by popular demand, funny thing is i would always find a reason not to date anyone. My true sexual nature was unconscious back then i guess. As hard as it was, I doubt it has anything to do with who i am today.

    It was not until i went to all boys high school did it really sink in, by this time i had already developed ways to deal with all the "constructive criticism," which only got worse by the way but I was like F:***: that noise. Lol. Luckily I was smart so I left all the haters in dust. I never really believed them i was still attracted to girls i just thought i was extremely unlucky. Then came the next grade i would have been like 13 or so. By this time all the students where sorted into the what u all would call honor class(me) and everybody else, so i was free from my bullies. This is where the story gets interesting... My friends and i used to sit in the back of the class all straight guys i think, now what we used to do was certainly not straight. We would touch each other on the leg and sides not to perverted and whisper sexual things into each others ears and the list goes on. I guess i liked it more than i should have, they even told me that once. lol i just dodged it at the time. Not that i regret it.

    Now came the porn days boy where they good days lol:eusa_naug. Come on guys we all do it. So i'd be watching straight porn then i would realize that i wanted to see more of the guys than the girls, they were just too filthy no offense girls. Eventually i made the switch to gay porn, just turned me on more I guess, well lets just say i was hooked not any more though because i matured obviously... So over the next few years about six to be more exact i struggled with my feelings for my various classmates and kept things quite while still enduring all the hate, probably y I'm a closet case today.

    So I eventually moved to the USA although I have no friends just online ones from back home Florida is so anti social. All I do all day is fantasize and crush on my hottie neighbors (Apartment Complex lucky me). So while doing illicit activities online I found this site and I'm happy to report that for the first time I'm happy to be me, I'm contempt with my life and I am gay. There's a load of my back. Now if only I could just Come out, my older sister suspects me i think, she ask me one day, just couldn't do say yes but i think if I'm asked now i will just say yes, but as to telling people thats another story.

    Thanks for reading my sob stories and feel free to post yours I want to know your struggles too... Thanks EC for allowing me to accept myself.
     
  2. acorn7

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    Nice story :slight_smile: I'm really glad EC helped you, it helped me a lot as well.

    I first started to realize I was attracted to boys when puberty really hit (around 14 years old). I remember this hot guy in my math class next to me who used to rub his six-pack during class and I found it quite... awesome :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: However, I think I had blocked out the fact I could be gay, and even though only guys turned me on, I still had "emotional" crushes on girls. I guess I just wanted to be "normal" at all costs.

    The realisation that I was gay only hit me when I was 16 1/2, and I had my first major crush on a guy. It was kind of obvious all at once, and I couldn't believe I had be so blind as to not realize it earlier. In retrospect, I think I kind of knew all along but wouldn't admit it: I recently found a depressed poem from when I was 15 in which I asked myself if I was gay.

    So I had this huge crush on a cute (straight) guy, and what did I do? I came out to him first! It was incredibly hard but really rewarding for and awkward for him :wink: And then, after that, I came out to about 12-15 of my friends, one by one, and it was easier every time. All through that process, I must say EC was invaluable — it's by lurking here I truly realized I had a real future as an out gay guy, my life was going to be fine and my gayness was an opportunity, not a liability.

    I told my parents about 4-5 months after coming out to my crush and it went really well. Basically, within 8 months it was public knowledge and I didn't need to deal with "coming out" anymore, I was just out.

    And that's great :slight_smile:

    Here's what I wrote a year and half ago when I first was active on EC and I had come out to 4 people only: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6247

    Oh, and: 500th post! Woo :slight_smile:
     
  3. jonny

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    Thanx alot I was wondering when someone was going to respond if been glancing back and forth for the past 2 hrs. I was starting get depressed actually and yes I'm really that emotionally insecure. Loved ur story dude. It's amazing how much our stories are similair still doesn't hurt yo hear them now for he rest of my ppl on EC to post their stories.
     
  4. silentsound

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  5. techie01

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    Like you at a young age, I was often teased by my sexuality mostly because I hung around with girls, mainly because they opened up to me.

    I really didn't find myself fantasizing about men until my early teens where it was apparent I was into guys. After lots of years of kidding myself I am still understanding this but I am more comfortable about it, just scared!
     
  6. Legnaj

    Legnaj Guest

    Well my coming out is still in progress. I noticed in 7th grade that some guys were cute and some wernt. I was going to come out to my long time friend in highschool untill he told me that all gays should go to hell and just die. Needless to say that damaged me psychologically. After I graduated highschool i came out of the closet like a dog chasing a car. Now Im out to the closest of friends. Im planning on comming out to my mother soon and then im going to face even bigger elephants with my brother, the bible thumper. But yeah I can relate to the porn topic. I remember my firends showing me all their porn videos in middle school it went something like this. LINK
     
  7. jayhad90

    jayhad90 Guest

    well with me i have pretty much always had the thought but it was hard for me to accept it so i put it back and i kept on doing that. i have gone out with girls in the past and felt nothing for them and i hated myself for that. i had relationships were the topic of sex would come up and she would be all for it and i would use the wait till im married excuse but in all reality i wasnt attracted to her in that way. It sucks because when girls like me they really like me and i dont want to hurt there fealings especially when i was so confused about mine but being on this site has helped me realize who i am in the short amount of time ive been on here and i love it I am a proud ec addict. I am gay and im starting not to hate myself for it thanks ec. oh and back to the story i never really felt anything for any one until i met my friend drew andd man did it hit me hard i was crushing big time. and i still am trying to figure out if he is bi or straight or gay but i am starting to crush on some one else to so i am glad i finnaly realize whats different about me IM GAY. in every aspect and i love it.
     
  8. Echidna1

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    As far back as I can remember, I've been attracted to those of the same sex. It never really dawned upon me, as to why I was attracted to guys but I was. I'm not "out" per se but I assume some people suspect I am. I'm not even sure I'm ready to deal with the fact that I'm gay. Sooner or later it's going to hit me and hopefully I'll be prepared and I can share that experience with you.