Hey everyone I live in California, I'm 22 years old and new here... I wanted to share a story with you about my first experience of coming out to a co-worker. We've been working in an office together for a few months now (he's actually really cute and never talks about girls so maybe he's gay too but he hasn't said anything)... Anyway, I haven't come out to anyone else at work but I had become really close to this guy and was sick about lying about what I've been up to on weekends so a few days I ago I told him that I spent the weekend visiting my boyfriends place... The interesting thing is that he didn't say much at all except that he was a little surprised (one or two sentences and then he changed the subject). Since then everything has been completely normal between us (we've chatted like normal etc) but he's never asked any questions about me being gay or having a boyfriend or anything like that. Is this a normal reaction? I was expecting he would have at least a few questions? Also, how can you tell if someone is gay? I think this guy might be but I'm not sure how to ask?? Thanks! Its been great reading all your stories...
Hey there, and welcome to EC! I think it's a little hard to judge given what you've described. It could be that he just thinks your sexuality isn't really any of his business, and/or that he really doesn't care, but it could also be that he is gay but not out and avoiding the subject prevents having to talk about his own situation. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions either way. Perhaps you could just gently and occasionally bring up some things about your relationships or whatever and see if he will take the bait and talk about his relationships... though that's no guarantee either; if he's still in the closet, he'll prolly talk only about girlfriends. As to telling if someone is gay... you'll develop your "gaydar" soon enough. There's no definitive way to tell, nor any telltale signs that apply to all (that is, unless you happen to see him sucking a dick or something) but over time you sort of learn to have a pretty good sense of who is and who isn't. As far as telling if someone is gay,
I don't feel he's gay. I think he's a nerd and nice quiet guy but not gay. If he was gay he would ignore you completely or want to he near you as much as possible.
I was in your same situation. I came out and I was mad to a degree that no one cared. Like I was expecting people to ask a lot of questions and I prepared myself for so many but nothing came. It took me a while to accept it, that no one was intrested in my sexuality, ever. They were more intrested in me as a person. plus its not everyday straight people are having gay people come out of the closet in front of them. He may not have asked any question for the sake of trying not to offend you. Just be happy nothing negative happend. As to know who is gay and who is not...good luck.
Thanks for the comments... its good to know that my experiences have been shared by others and I'll try calchip's idea of talking about my bf occasionally to see what his reaction is... thanks!
This is precisely the reaction you WANT to have. It means he doesn't have a problem with it. Chances are he isn't gay. You coming out to him would be his signal to come out to you, and since he didn't take it, it means he's either straight, or gay but not ready to deal with it yet. Either way, best to leave it. Lex
