Monday July 27th 2009

It was 4:50 am as i sat on my bed. Nothing but the pale light coming through the windows as i breathed heavily into my hands. I had sat up all night running the simple phrase through my head. I mean my mom had always supported me and was very accepting of gay/lesbians/bisexuals. She had had a transgender brother, a transgender cousin 1 gay first cousin who died of AIDS all in her tight-nit family. Still it was as if i had a thousand pound weight on my chest.
The water running through the wall of my room stopped and i new shed be ready to leave her room soon. I walked out into the hallway, not turning on a single light, as paused to take a break. rubbing my face breathing heavy, the weight pressing down. I turned myself into the bathroom and took a drink. Looking in the mirror i told myself it would be ok. I had come to terms that coming out to one person meant eventually being open about it with many more. I approached the door, only a silhouette of light in the dark. I knocked a few times and she did not answer. I realized i had barely tapped the damn thing and i took another breath and let out a few good knocks. She opened it and asked me if i was ok.
"mom i need to tell you something and it has been bothering me for a while now" i said avoiding eye contact at first.
I had spent the past week or so on a terrible schedule getting next to no sleep stressing over this whole thing. It had all started when i had seen two guys kiss and something about it made me wanna do it and i finally passed the weird phase of "oh im emotionally attracted to women and physically to men" thing that had confused me so and entered the "what's wrong with having a relationship with a guy" phase. I finally decided, after reading some coming out stories and such, that i needed to just come out and say it.
I choked on the words for a seconds repeating the phase "I, I am" carefully avoiding the "i think" and finally said the words "I am bisexual". I Felt a wave of relief just saying it and she just looked at me and smiled.
"And you are sure?" she asked.
"Yeah i said positive i already went through the 'am i sure' phase" i replied with a grin
"You should know i love you just the way you are, you where made the way you are and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that" i held back a few tears and i saw she held back a few to. She asked me how i knew, and when, and what i knew about the whole thing. With every bit i told her she paused for a second then continued with what she was doing. She went on to ask if i needed help with anything and asked if i had told anyone else. She is the first one, next is my slightly homophobic older brother who i've had a great relationship with as long as i can remember. All i can say is when it was over i looked in the mirror and for the first time i liked what i saw, and i mean really liked it. I hugged her looked at myself and thought thats really me.

thanks for reading, and good luck if you haven't come out to anyone yet. I will tell you now it is one of the best things i've ever done. And i can't wait to tell my brother and a few friends and see what happens. Even if it's a hard pill to swallow real friends and family accept you for who you are. It is therefore likely i will never tell my dad anytime soon :dry: but god it feels good this morning to finally, openly, really be me. Oh and i almost forgot she said she never really suspected it (i choose to take it as a complement i like to be manly )

 

Re: Monday July 29th 2007

idk how i managed to screw up the date xD anyways its whatev. For the record it was today lol

 

thank you lol

 

i'd like to say accepting but honestly i do not know xD