Not really a coming out story, but getting there.. I got home from work, and was feeling lonely, so I rang a friend who I haven't spoken to for ages. Shes a very dear old friend that I would probably have married if I liked girls. Problem is, I kindof ran away from my old friends and home to start a new career, which was likely actually related to me not being able to deal with the rising number of people that were occasionaly making comments about my sexuality. I suppose you can only fool people for so long. So we chat about this and that, and how I pretty much don't have any friends outside of work atm, due to me being a introvert and not particularly wanting to socialise with people I work with for weeks at a time. (plus moving around a lot for work) I was actually getting quite drunk by the time I called her, which is usually the case that makes me want to try and connect with my old friends. I don't understand why that is, but our friendship mostly revolved around being on various mind altering substances and having totally hilarious times. I know that doesn't sound like a good basis for relationship, but we all had some amazingly intimate moments. Anyway, we chat, and the call ends. Then, holy shit, I get a text. "I just had a thought, maybe your gay?" This of course led to me freaking out, because although I have been contemplating coming out, and thinking about the right person to do it with, this was totally unexpected. And though I love this friend, I didn't want to say it to her first, mostly because i'm fairly sure I might as well scream it from rooftops if you know what I mean. So I needed to pee, and head off to the toilet while my heart is trying to smash its way out of my chest. Thinking about wtf I am going to say, I get another text saying "Its OK if you are, I've always wanted a gay friend" Well, that kindof makes me happy, but also makes me wonder whether she means it. So of course I can't think of the best way to go forward with this, and reply with a noncomittal "AW, why did you have to ask that over text" kindof hoping to have teh gay bashed out of me. Sadly, she rang and said that she was joking and we sarted talking about me going fishing with her husband. sigh. So thats the closest I have gotten so far. Now I feel like a wuss, and pretty pathetic too. I know what I need to do and everything, but I guess that just wasn't the right time. Its funny to think that I just wish someone would just harras me until I admit to it. (well, probably not really) I'll get there eventually I suppose, its annoying me that i'm so hung up about it though. I guess my friends are as shy about it as I am too, which is kindof sweet but annoying. Oh well, I think i'm moving forward, albeit slowly. Thanks for reading, sorry if it was too long and boring.
Well, perhaps it's not entirely a coming-out story, but I like it as a near-coming-out experience! And it wasn't boring at all! I always hoped that someday someone would just push me in a corner, and say: "admit it, you're gay!". That would have lifted a burden. But that never happens. Most people are far to polite to ever press an issue like that. So that's probably the most explicit question you're ever going to get. The next step will be up to you. But it proves that this friend, at least, had thought about it! And she seems pretty OK with it. And probably other friends to. That should give you some confidence for once you decide on going through with coming out to them!
I know, I was sitting on a knife edge whether to, things just didn't lean the right way. It annoys me so much, and I didn't really want to write about it, but I sortof made myself do it to try and work past my irrational fear.
sometimes im bang bang banging on the closets door ao ao ao aoooo! who else thought thisd be to do with g'n'r? also, goodluck - my opinions have already been expressed by others so feelf ree to ignore me.
so deep down, do you buy the crap that there is something WRONG with being gay? Once I acknowledged that there is nothing wrong with it I've become much more self-accepting, and accordingly. much more comfortable letting others in on my once-dark secret.
I think that you should tell her when you get another chance, it seems as if she knows and she said that she's okay with. She could end up being one of your biggest supporters Your story wasnt boring at all, Ive had moments like that before where I had the oppportunity to tell someone and I couldnt.
BTW, she will totally understand that she caught you off guard and you just were'nt ready to "go there" that particular night, especially being under the influence just then. good luck. ps the pounding will subside pretty quickly when you start that convo.
Funny you ask that. Even though I have known for so long, I feel like I am still going through the denial/angry stage. And that is annoying me no end. Then I have thoughts that coming out will make me happier, but then reality sets in and makes me realise how it probably won't, and will just make things even more awkward amongst everyone I know. I don't know. I think i'll call her tomorrow though, the convo just ended a bit too awkwardly the other night.
I know how it is to have flat feet in conversational situations! I'm getting better at controlling my response. Its not always best to lay my sexuality out there, but more often, my immediate response (well trained, i might point out) is to deny, run, hide, dismiss, etc etc etc. Its hard to stop that train and think, is this person and situation suitable FOR ME TO JUST BE ME. Not sure about the anger part, unless it is anger at myself for not having the fortitude to BE WHO I AM. My denial, tho, is another matter. I've programed my thinking and behavior completely around the denial, denial, denial strategy of survival. Just too tired of it now. Starting to think is a new behavior patter I continue to struggle with building. So many folks on here seem light years ahead of me in this ability in particular.
I had a similar situation come up. My best friend actually called my ex wife and asked if I was gay, and if that was the reason that we had split. My ex didn't confirm it, but called me to tell me what this friend had asked. So I took the bull by the horns and drove to their house that night to tell them. They were really good about it. Now that she's said it, you can always refer back to it. "You know that text you sent me. Well, you're right." It's actually easier than having to bring up the subject completely out of the blue. Good luck. You'll get there eventually.
Thanks, yeah, I guess its at least something I can fall back on. She just wasn't really the first person I wanted to tell. (I hope she never finds these posts, she'd probably kill me!) Seems like a wasted oppurtunity though. Oh well. Don't want to dwell on it.
Dont worry about it too much - I had a near miss with a friend recently and resolved to make sure I didnt miss out the next time - next time the subject came up I told him. You will do it
It took me a long time to get through the denial/anger stage, too. I didn't finally get over it until after I started coming out. It was as if being honest with other people finally allowed me to be honest with myself. I didn't start telling people until I was mostly ok with myself day to day, but the final act of telling people helped to sort things out in my head. But coming out certainly did make me happier. It usually made me stressed at the time, but after a few days, and certainly after a few weeks, it made everything so much better!
Hey, thanks. And welcome! :smilewave I'm doing the whole emotions going through 360 thing at the moment, so I probably won't make sense of what I really feel for a while yet I suppose.
I was in denial entill I came out to my sister which was when I sorta blurped it out cause I knew deep down and wow it was emotional heart pounding etc but in end it really helped and like knight I spent about 3 days stressing if it was right to do but then it made me really happy and accepted, so most probably this girl at the last moment didn't want to pressure you and butted out but it sounds like she would understand....
The booze (do people still call it that) lowers our defenseses, that might be why you call old chums when your a little tipsey.
