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should I do it...?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by stratavos, Aug 4, 2009.

  1. stratavos

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    so It's my mom's birthday on the 8th (this month), and my dad wants me to take her on a birthday dinner date in our cottage area. I'm thinking during the birthday dinner I should break the news to her that I'm bisexual and prefer guys, and that she called me on it too soon (when I was 15 and didn't know yet).

    the main question is "should I do it?"

    right... if it helps in the decision making process, my new years resolution was to come out to my parents sometime this year (and if I come out to mom, then she can tell it to dad).

    if you are responding to this post after the 8th, please don't say weather or not I should do it. I'll definately post the results if I go through with it, but I do want some opinions first :wink:
     
  2. Otsuke

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    You know what? I really wanted to announce my homosexuality on a family reunion and my shrink just told me it wasn't a good idea.

    So I'll answer: No, don't do it on that particular date. It's your mom's birthday after all, and these information can ruin the day, believe it or not. Not that your mom will HATE it or whatever, but this is not a thing she will take like a joke. It's about her son's sexuality and future... It means a lot.

    She'll maybe even cry or something. But of course, with some days, she'll handle it as a mom always do :slight_smile: No worries about her reaction, but not on the 8th.

    After all, do what you want, but it's just an advice ... :slight_smile:
    Good luck <3 (*hug*)
     
  3. ArcaneVerse

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    I agree with the above. even if your mom thinks its the best news in the world, its still going to detract from her day, but if you need a marker to make it easier to come out maybe try the day after.

    anyways good luck with what ever you decide
     
  4. jonny

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    True it's ur moms day and u should repect that. While it may be true that she has already come to terms with it as she called u out on it when u were 15, try not to dominate the day with ur problems. Tell her the day after or so.nwhatever u decide good luck. Ph if it the two of u all alone maybe I might consider it but if it's most of ur family don't do it.
     
  5. seadog

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    Its unanimous. Not on her BD. Not only do you risk ruining her day (even tho chances are she may later appreciate the positive event that it was), but you also distract and divert the focus of attention from her & her BD event to YOU. Some might say that would be a bit selfish. I'd do it later on a day all its own. That and $10 will git you coffee and a muffin at Starbux.
     
  6. PJ James

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    Late evening or the next day definatly. I am so glad mine called me on it and took it out od my hands.

    Good luck mate
     
  7. olides84

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    Different opinion here. You make it sound like it's just the two of you out at dinner, and maybe it's hard to spend much alone time with your mom. If that's the case, you'll be talking heaps, so I think it's a great time. Maybe toward the end of the meal if you think it'll be a tough reaction. Or maybe once you get home. Sounds like she's had her suspicions anyway.
     
  8. Chip

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    I would never do that on her birthday. If she is unhappy about it, she will always associate her birthday with your coming out, and you wouldn't want someone doing that to you. Even if she is reasonably OK with it, her birthday should be her special day, and interjecting something that has to do with you would not, in my opinion, be appropriate.

    Wait till the next morning or something :slight_smile:
     
  9. Mirko

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    Hi there! I have to agree with the above posters. I don't think it a good idea to come out on your mum's birthday. As it was said above, the birthday is about her. It's her day. Put yourself in her shoes. If it would be your birthday, would you want someone to announce a big thing during your birthday party/dinner that would be all about that person?

    But that doesn't mean that you can't keep true to your new years' resolution. You still have the rest of the year to come out to your parents. Do you know or have an idea as to how your mum might react? That should be part of your decision-making process in terms of the timing. Give it a couple of days and then come out to your mum if you think/feel that it is a good time to come out to her.
     
  10. Revan

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    I really think it should not occur on your mother's birthday. This is her day, and by telling them you're bi it basically winds up taking her special day and making it "your special day". Don't do that to her, tell her the day after.
     
  11. carrie90

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    It really depend's how comfortable she is about sexuality and stuff because if she isn't then that could ruin what is supposed to be her day actually i think it would be best to wait you have alot of time left until the end of teh year and her birthday should be all about her
     
  12. stratavos

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    that needed update, no I didn't do it. and it turns out that the dinner was to celebrate her birthday(which was the 7th, (yesterday)). We went to an inn and tried it at mom's request (it wasn't just me dad came along).

    Regardless I didn't do it. I found out later with a phone call from my sister (she's one of the best people alive and easily is one of my favorite relatives) that Mom still suspects, and with my sister prodding about without saying anything (you know those "what if" scenarios) I've found out that mom knows dad would be devastated if I were gay (which I'm closer to being than straight at this point in time). However she'd love me regardless.

    I was pretty sure this would be the response regardless, but know I know it's true. So make there be less problems in the future, I'll save coming out to mom and dad for when i have someone to present where that'd be necessary (like the original plan before new years resolution time).

    right, another point to make, my mom suspects that I'm homo/bisexual because when I was little I liked vibrant colours (that and I haven't had a girlfriend yet). I guess that's another trait to add to the "could he be gay/bi?" chart. *shrug*
     
    #12 stratavos, Aug 8, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2009
  13. stefi18

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    id choose a different day, like maybe a week later