My story - since November, and still going

On the morning after the the fourth of November, I looked over the friend I was lying next to on a bed and realized I liked him. Just to clarify, there were a few of us wandering around, we were on the bed just because we were tired, and there was no sense of intimacy. He's very clearly straight, but I realized in that moment that I was gay enough that now at the age of 22 I should do something about it.

About a week later, I was having lunch with a friend of mine, who's a lesbian. I started talking about some girl in our lectures who I thought fancied me, and then said that it wouldn't happen because U had a crush on some one else. She smiled when I told her who. I liked the idea of saying it like that rather than leading up to news that I was gay, as if there was anything to it, just treating it casually.

I told one other female friend of mine, then a gay friend in our general group. Next was the boy I liked. There was a context, I criticized a local gay politician for his near-communist views, and I said that in my case it wouldn't be because he's gay, as I'm not self-hating. He said, "But you're not completely gay", which being bi to some extent, I had to say yes, but that it did mean something, so I wonder if I got the message properly.

The same day, I told my sister (18) while we were watching The West Wing, and she took it quite well, as if there was nothing to it.

Over the course of this calendar year, I let more people know, when relevant, on nights out, for example. Not that there's anyone I wouldn't want to know, I never even hinted to anyone that I wouldn't want them to tell others. But there are still a lot of people I'm around who don't know. There are only one or two at most who I could imagine a negative reaction from.

Then a month ago, I told my parents, and that went well. They hadn't at all suspected, but were completely fine. They jokingly used it as an excuse to buy me a new suit! Not that I worried about them, but it was difficult in my mind to find a time and way to bring it up.

 

It has gone well really, and thanks for your messages here. :icon_bigg I have found the "I like him" approach to be the best in most cases, apart from family, and I think I'd recommend it. I explained to one person that a big reason that I'm not more open about is that at the moment it simply emphasizes the fact that I'm single. If I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't try to hide that fact, even from that one or two I mentioned who could be a little bit reactionary.

I know I am lucky to live in a city in a liberal environment, and that for many, including some here, it's much harder. From my brief look, there does seem to be a friendly atmosphere, so I'll stick around for a while at least, for the whole mutual support and advice thing.

(Btw, is there a way to edit posts? I know this is probably not the right place to ask.)

 

Though this seems to have gone well, there is one boy who I haven't got around to telling, and I should. In general, I've let people find out if and when there was a context, but in his case I owe it to myself to tell him straight out, and as soon as possible. He was the closest friend I had for the early years of college, but we weren't really that close. He's quite conservative, and anyone who knows our views on stuff couldn't now imagine how we were friends at all. I suppose during times that I thought I significantly gay, I thought that if I came out, I'd know then how serious either our friendship or his reactionary views were. He wasn't in college this last year, when I had begun to come out, but he was still around town, and I met him a few times.

I know it shouldn't take that much, given how many people do know, it's not an issue with me at all now, almost. Except in small ways like this it is. Once I'm completely out, it won't be. It's almost an act of personal redemption to be able to tell him straight to his face.

 

Thanks. I texted him over the weekend, to meet him today, and had planned to tell him, but he had met another friend of ours (incidentally the boy I mentioned above that made me properly realize I was gay), and the three of us talked about other stuff instead. A more enjoyable evening, yes, but not the purpose of the meeting.